Posts Tagged ‘Storms’

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~

MOO

I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.

ouroboros

I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~

1/23/19

Victory~

Posted: January 24, 2019 in Feelings,, Grief, Hardships, Storms, Victory
Tags: , , ,

I have kept it all in, as long as I could.

I harbored the burden alone.

But the weight of all has kept me,

from wearing a crown of my own.

bleeding-eye

I’m spilling my pain all over these pages.

So much in my life, has taken a toll.

I’m an endless well of pent up tears.

The cup, of a sensitive soul.

 

I vow to lighten it up, a load

To let go of what no longer serves.

And enter into my birthright

With the victory I so richly deserve.

🔻

 

 

EB85A21A-4608-48FA-A815-606B61412BF3

The storms are so close, you can smell them now.
We must gather too~
It’s time to shine the Light upon, everything we do~

🔻

Majority rules, eh?

Posted: December 29, 2017 in Change, Heaven, Humanity, Light, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

479B488500000578-0-image-a-36_1514457732112

Lake Powell Arizona

 

How is it, that fractal parts of our society are allowed to steer the masses?

How is it…in a Democracy, where the majority is suppose to be the ruling voice, must the masses now bow down, to the special interests of a fractal few?

Why is the whole class being punished, because of one disruptive child?

Why do we allow, one bad apple, to spoil our whole bunch?

Why would we dummy ourselves down, to our lowest common denominator?

This mentality is not sustainable. Furthermore, it’s in for a huge correction.

Any species that pans to the weakest, will not survive the long run, much less evolve. I don’t see lions out in the wild, elevating the weakest of their pride. Or birds revering, the ones who cannot fly.

As critical thinking mammals, we must find our balance. We must make critical evaluations of ourselves and adjust accordingly. We must define ourselves by our best & brightest, not our most challenged, dysfunctional OR corrupt!  We must find a way to be compassionately inclusive of all, while elevating merited exceptionalism…

Or why strive? Why even bother…

I suspect the reason we all subconsciously find our culture so repulsive in its current state, is because it goes against everything written on the blueprint of our souls. We are all here  to become the best versions of ourselves that we can become. To reach our individual potentials. We have a culture that not only sends repressive mixed messages, about what we really are capable if,as a people…our children are actively taught in a way, that works against their innate will to power, or our divine right to strive & thrive.

From governmental education to oppressive religious ideologies, we are all guilty of crucifying potential.

It must stop!

We simply cannot continue on this current trajectory and survive ourselves. Our planet, our people, are not living in harmony. But we will be. I can promise you that much.

We are being called to higher vibrational ground, and it is imperative that we answer this call, in order to flourish. We simply cannot move forward, without a radical change in our world view, one that comes from a higher vantage point. Those with spiritual eyes, can already see, that what is not yet visible, to the common man. Thankfully, there are those already on planet, to assist with our metamorphosis. We are the ones who will lead us out of the shadows and into the sunshine. We are doing everything humanly possible, to wake folks up, but unfortunately, we are still considered the crazy ones among us. However, this is going to change also, as we move deeper into the now dawning, Age of Enlightenment. What has been valued, will fall away, and what is truly valuable, will emerge and take it’s proper place in our collective lives.

This is why, the storms must come. Nature will take it’s course and correct the imbalance. I would like to see us open our minds, to new ways of moving forward on a global level. I truly believe that the coming storms will wash away what has not been working, and usher in a sparkly new way to view ourselves, and our future as a species. I look forward to the hardship. Even though there will be upheaval and chaos for a season, I anxiously await the treasures that we will find, in weathering the things that must come.

Please remember, as we head into a season of uncomfortable darkness, that this too will pass. The coming chaos WILL give way, to the higher order we so desperately need, to survive and evolve. The balance will return with the Light, and this place will be a kind of heaven on earth, comparatively. Only then, will the majority be restored to sanity, balance, and logic, after centuries of disharmony. Listen to the clarion call of the Light within. It will guide you through the coming times of unrest. I promise you all here and now…stasis will return my friends, and we WILL enter back into, our birthright.

If you are familiar with the Tarot:
It’s akin to a fool’s journey into the underworld, in order to gain enlightenment ~

FEAR NOT!!

Posted: March 25, 2015 in Balance, Change, Co-Creation, Humanity, Nature, Oneness, Unity
Tags:

REPEAT:

Fear NOT

(this chaotic blog should roll out better when recorded revised 9/20/18)
energy
Listen guys…. Chaos seems to reign from every direction, when you turn your attention to it, that is. The same can be said of order.
The truth is, where your heart is, your treasure resides. What you focus on… is truly what you “see”.
If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data to support your theory. If you “see” the world as waking UP to a new way of being & becoming, the same principle applies.
It is all about controlling our worldview and thus controlling how we see and respond, to the things we are experiencing individually and collectively.
It’s about understanding what is really happening on this planet, and consciously making the choice to see the best in us. It is about recognizing the uncomfortable cosmic tension that keeps the seasons and cycles in motion, towards ever higher planes of existence.
But make no mistake, there is a continual battle for our thought life.
One that broadcasts on all frequencies, 24/7.
Because those in high places, understand our true creative nature, they have actively withheld vital information and education from the masses.
Unfortunately, they are not wanting change. They like ruling over the 99% and dominating the planet. Not only do they have zero desire to see us move into our birthright, they are responsible for enslaving us to their whims which have held us back from our natural progression and advancement.
They know we are literally capable of co-creating anything we THINK about.  So they do not want us thinking at all. At least not beyond their manufactured chaos or narratives.
This is how we are “controlled”. They seek to create their own agenda, using the same powers that are dormant within us. This is easily accomplished via the mass media that constantly bombards us with the trending opinions, we are expected to assimilate and parrot to be one of the “IN” crowd.  Although it is more accurate to say, one of the herd.  For those who are innately capable of thinking for themselves, often public shame and ridicule will beat free thought it out of them, over time. For those of us who have awoken against all odds, we are rightfully discouraged to find our gardens trampled upon, with mindless and repetitive trenching, that digs ever deeper down towards the abyss, by the masses. Before you give up and jump in the ditch with them… remember: this too shall pass.
Literally nothing lasts forever.
NOTHING.
Not even civilizations.
While the thoughtless masses roam in circles, I want to remind you guys what a magical place our world really is, warts and all. This planet is designed to be a spectacular multidimensional adventure for all of us to explore and experience. Everything from heaven to hell, not only resides here, it is actively living side by side, dovetailed and in tandem.  Although hell has far too strong a foothold on humanity. That much cannot be argued, even if your third eye is closed!
It’s beyond obvious…it is screaming at us in every possible way. And literally begging for us to create more a more heavenly existence for all.
If you think this place isn’t hell on earth, go to the worst part of your town or city and observe what is happening there. If you think heaven is not possible here, go to the best parts, and see the difference in the communities mood and modes.
Again, all of it is right here AND right now.
All we have to do is look around objectively.
None of this is hiding, it is living out loud, right in front of our faces.
But I do suppose, one would have to look up from their phones, to notice.
The beauty of it is, everything in existence here, is being created by our chaotic collective consciousness, led by the darkness parts of humanity, while simultaneously being gently directed, by the unseen hands of ordered, Light & reason. All of which is necessary, to the purposes of a phenomenal architect with some majestic plans, most will never fathom in their lifetimes.
We have been gifted and truly possess, the power to co-create this place into heaven on Earth, if we all would only realize, who really holds the power on this planet, and stop giving ours away, to those who think we are nothing more than working cattle for capital. If we would just stop allowing the ridiculous, manufactured mental division to rule and let our unity as a people reign, a magnificent shift would occur… in a freaking twinkling!! We would minimize the heck out of hell, in so doing.
It truly seems like a no brainer for me, but it appears others cannot see the obvious as readily. So it up to you and I, to point this out whenever possible. The next time you or anyone thinks we are going to hell in a hand basket, point them to incredible new life changing technologies and/or tear jerking hurricane rescue stories, to get some balance going. The next time you think our existence is all about positivity, kittens, kites and rainbows, check out the 5 o’clock news.
Remember guys, all of it is happening at once, and we can chose the frequency aka channel, we want to tune into! Regardless of the circumstances.
It really boils down to a cup half empty, or half full kind of thing. What holds your focus, holds your spirit captive, as well. It is vitally important we realize how much of our thought life, plays a role in our paradise.
There will always be trials and tribulations as long as humans are upright and taking nourishment. However, we have been held down from realizing our maximum potential, by those who prefer we remain in the dark ages. We need to find a way to bring the balance back. Thankfully, nature stands on the ready, to help.
EVEN AS… We enter into a long dark night of the soul for our species, this will still hold true. Come what may for humanity, we still have a choice on how we handle the obstacles we must endure, to re-calibrate our species.
We can embrace the challenges that hardships bring our communities, and draw together and unify OR…
We can fall into despair, thinking the world is ending, for real this time.
We get to choose from a doom & gloom mentality or one that sees destruction as the dawning of a new age and a chance to rebuild a better kingdom, for EVERYONE.
Whenever I’m asked about the “storms” that are coming, I strive to put a positive spin on this absolutely needed and necessary course correction. Humanity must be cleansed of the muddle, before the New Age dawns fully. The destruction of the old, always precedes the construction of the new. It is a repeated pattern in nature not unlike what is witnessed when a hurricane blows onto our shores.
We are a species off kilter. The old stubbornly clings to things that no longer serve us, while the new desperately tries to pull us forward. Nature always seeks balance and she will have her way with us. We have been called to evolve into something more harmonious and healthy.And we are going there regardless of how it makes us feel.
That is what this waking UP stuff is all about. We can no longer live in the darkness of outmoded ideologies, corrupted governments and prejudicial thinking and expect to survive ourselves.
Collectively we are like the Phoenix. We must be burned down into ashes and rise again, a more brilliant version of ourselves. With all the treasures and lessons, only a trip through the hell-fires, can provide us.
The future leaders of this New Age are already being prepared, as we suffer our fiery trials that individually mimic, what I believe is coming for the collective. The curators of this Light Age are in the process of being resurrected, into better versions of ourselves, so we can lead our global family through a very dark period in human history. This is why I write about hardships and the need to see the tremendous value that is inherent in them. It is my way of helping us deal with what has happened in our lives, and what is coming.
For those of you who are concerned about any possible loss of life, that comes with foul weather. Don’t be. Death is an illusion. Anyone who does not make it through what is coming, will merely transform and rejoin us at a later date. But THAT my friends, is a topic for another day.
SO…While others fear the coming ‘typhoons’ and the destruction that will inevitably come in their wake. I would like to encourage you guys to see it as it truly is…They are divinely ordered opportunities for whole communities to grow closer, our out of harmony priorities to be redefined and balanced, for brand new, GREEN state of buildings and businesses to be constructed and some awesome updated social systems to be installed! Storms are simply heralds, that a new day is dawning on humanity.

FEAR NOT!

FearNot

PLEASE DO NOT freak out over the hardships you are facing today my sweet faVorites!
Yes, The storms are coming.
But they will not blow down, those of us who have been mentally, emotionally and physically prepared in advance.
We are destined to be unbreakable and comforting leaders, in a time of great chaos. Because we ourselves, have already learned how to bend in high winds~