Posts Tagged ‘Illuminati’

As many of you are aware, I have a tattoo of  ‘The Mark ‘ on my right wrist that I got when Jewel Torres came to visit me in Phoenix, in Jan 2018. Having both spent far too much time in the church, we loved the delicious irony of the name of our tattoos, as well as the placement. (The Mark on our Wrists) We loved that we got them, but we were certain our artist was fresh out of school, given the obvious imperfections in his work. But we loved them, and we loved getting them done; together.

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Mine

F11924AF-D64B-4B13-A249-D7640A3A0C60

Jewel’s

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Side by Side

Over time, mine showed signs of micro scarring, (blank spots where the ink did not take properly), which was not nearly as bothersome to me, as the iris being off center. The two things combined, really bugged me. So today, I decided to do something about it, and went into a tattoo shop by my house to inquire about having it fixed.

Having found myself feeling extremely confident in the artist I consulted with, I sat down on the spot -to let Issac make the adjustments we spoke about. In the course of our conversation, trigger words and mantras, like integrity, critical thinking, don’t ever give up, keep going no matter what, flew between us as naturally as if they had been divinely scripted.

Eventually of course, the conversation turned to The Illuminati, due to the symbolism of The Mark itself.  We were shocked to discover that he had only a few days before, downloaded a copy of The Eternal Oath he hadn’t signed yet!  Although I bet he will tonight, Lol I mean… what are the freak odds Issac!?

HA!

Anyway, I was able to share more information about the outreach, and tell him about my book, and he in turn shared a brief version of his life from prison to his present understanding. I was so excited, because I know IAM digs it when folks crawl out of the ditch, and climb over their dominos! I knew they would want to watch This guy closer!

It was all very surreal to meet a brother out of nowhere, and being able to invite him to join us; personally. He is everything IAM looks for in a human, and it was amazing watching his eyes Light up, as he became more animated in  sharing his journey with me. There was no doubt for either of us, I was there by “appointment”, even though I was a walk in!

I am really just so blown away, I am having a hard time articulating myself. But it sure makes sense now, why I was drawn to this particular shop! I always glanced towards it on my way home.

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As you can see, he did an incredible job of reviving my Mark. I freaking love how he not only fixed it, but made it FABULOUS! He even used some white outlining, to make it pOp! This is it under the protective coating designed to aid healing.  I will add more images to this little shout out, once it heals and I get back over there to grab a photo of us together. Suffice to say, it was an incredible experiences getting my tat rehabbed today~

Here are Issac’s deets, if you happen to live in the Phoenix Metro area~

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rainbow road

I am often asked what someone should do while they wait to learn the results of their prerequisites. I hate having to answer this question, because it shows right away they have not read ILLUMINATIAM, The First Testament of the Illuminati. Something I just cannot fathom, if you have chosen this path.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why someone would follow an organization or ideology, and not actually read everything they have published about it, to date. It is akin to claiming to be a Christian, and never reading the Bible. It is not only lazy, it demonstrates to me immediately that person prefers their ignorance, and is currently not a leader. You guys need to understand that leaders do not beg for the crumbs of others, only sheep do that. Lions such as myself, hunt down their own food, and thrive because we are well fed by our own efforts. If you think The Illuminati is unaware of your choice to remain ignorant, you are sadly mistaken. They are looking for leaders, not the lazy.

To put this in a way that most of you will understand, I have learned everything I know through The Illuminati’s publicly released messages. At this time, I do not have have access to anything different that anyone else does. So I find it unsettling that so many claim they want to be a part of this organization, and yet know zero about it. Even though they can find everything they need to know, online. Even their book can be purchased for only .99 cents in digital form on Amazon. 

The Illuminati has made everything easily accessible for all. For me, there are no excuses for not doing the necessary research to learn more, unless you are living in a country who has blocked every link IAM has. And even if this is the case, you all seem to have access to Facebook, and there are a myriad of groups there that are geared towards helping those with access issues. Never mind my online radio station, that has literally everything ever printed by the IAM, in audio form there.

If you want to know what I personally think you should do while you wait on IAM, beyond what has been shared by them in their book, here it is:

SEEK

STUDY

SHARE

& SERVE

 

Link to The Illuminati online

Link to iMARK Radio

 

 

If you have ever been a part of Council 22’s history, I would love for you to chime in here. I am currently finishing up my next book titled:

Initiate of the Illuminati

Initiate

From the perspective of history’s 1st verified Level 1.1 Initiate

It is a tell-all from my personal experience, but I am wanting to include some snippets from other Initiates in the chapter dedicated to the Council. I am specifically looking for comments, quotes or experiences from the point of view of those who actually participated in c22, and would like to share their perspective. Anything that will add to the historical record, is encouraged as well.

This is your chance to add to our Initiate history!

Please leave your contribution here, or send it to imarkradio@gmail.com to be considered for inclusion. Also include the name you would like used when quoting you. You deadline to do so, is April 22nd 2019.

THANK YOU!!

Invited to Rank?

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I never really gave it much thought.

Not serious thought anyway.

I don’t believe for a minute I would ever be invited to rank. Surely that is an honor reserved for the best and brightest on this planet. Unlike the clamoring masses at the base of IAMs pyramid, I do not see myself on par with whoever has already made it into this exclusive club. Since I do not see myself as one of them, I really haven’t given the possibility, any real thought. So yeah, I really did not let my mind go there. I mean, why would I?

 I recently turned 58. It took me 2 years and 8 months to reach Level 1.1. If there were only 3 Levels, with 3 sub levels, it would still take approx 27 years, before I would get though all the Citizen Member Initiate Levels!  In other words, I would be 78 years old. Hardly a probable option for a group who was rumored to have once said, they didn’t trust anyone over 30!

Be all that as it may,  a brother-friend recently asked me, what I would say to The Illuminati, if they were to ask me to join their ranks. Let me tell ya. I ignored him the first time he asked. But he asked again. And even though I did not answer him the second time either, it really got me thinking. I needed an answer to that question for myself. Just in case. Given that I have been pissy-pot-pie, spitting nails mad and considering a break-up with IAM for about 6 months at the time he asked,  it really kinda jerked me up short and caused me to do some SERIOUS soul searching. Could I be obediently “lifetime-loyal” to a group I have no full understanding of, and who’s ways have flat out pissed me off at times? I certainly have been loyal to lesser men. HA! Plus, I managed to remained loyal, even in anger, so MAYBE? I mean, I don’t know??!! These guys know EVERYTHING about me and I know ZIP about them! Talk about an uneven playing field. 

But we ain’t playin’.

And this is NO game, is it…?

The more I thought about, the more consequential this question became for me.

What would I do?

No really…

What will you do V?!

Since I do not anticipate being asked, I was finding it hard to even image. I had to sit with it for several days, before I came close to anything resembling an answer. It honestly took awhile to get my head in that game enough to visualize someone coming to my door with an invitation, or whatever they do. I am not sure if that is what they do, but a call would seem distant and surreal, so in my mind they would have to show their faces for me to believe it was real. I truly could not imagine any of that.

I grappled with bringing such an fantasy to life. So much so, I was reminded about how stagnant my line of thinking had become, prior to having met IAM. I literally had zero vision for my future at the time. If someone had said I had won $10,000 to plan the vacation of a lifetime, I would not have any idea what-so-ever where to go. I could not even dream about taking a luxurious vacation much less imagine myself as someone the mysterious, and merited Illuminati would find any value in.

However, I needed to know what I would choose in advance; just in case.

The first thing that occurred to me when considering the possibility was… Do I trust these faceless, unknown strangers enough, to sign an eternally binding oath of obedience? An oath I could never renounce.  A forever and ever AMEN, Oath?!!

Let’s face it, that trumps marital vows exponentially. Now I don’t know about you dear Beacons, but trust is a pivotal aspect of any relationship in my world. Signing a lifelong oath of loyalty, is akin to getting married only more binding, by far. Needless to say, there is no way I could take this question as lightly as I did my choices in marriage. I was really struggling to find a way to say YES to folks I know little to nothing about. At the time, a enthusiastic ‘yes’ would just not come in for a landing. Trust me when I say there is another draft of this article that has an entirely different ending, and it was written first.

It just doesn’t seem prudent to consider jumping into bed with people I do not know. And yet, there is a kind of ‘knowing’ I have with these guys which I cannot necessarily articulate. I ‘knew’ their voice the minute they called, so can I really say they are strangers to me? Not really. No. There is a familiarity I cannot explain, but exists none the less. There really was a knowing inside of me, to balance out the unknown, which at the end of the day actually provided the answer I sought. I went with my gut, because there isn’t enough data to go full on logical.

When I try to imagine who The Illuminati might be in real life, I think of those that are listed in the Billionaire Giving Pledge (see http://www.givingpledge.org) After all, mention of these remarkable humans come under the heading of “About Us” on IAMs official site. Surely there are those who have taken the pledge that are truly Illuminati? If you take the time to read their individual responses to Bill and Melinda Gate’s invitation to participate, you might get the same goosebumps as I do. These folks are FANTASTIC! Far more fabulous that I for sure. That level of giving definitely says Humanitarian, for sure!!

That is my measure.

THEM.

To be clear, it’s already my great pleasure to support The Illuminati as is. EVEN if I am not deemed fit to dine at their tables. I will enthusiastically serve them, regardless! I do not expect these brilliant humans, would care to dine with the likes of me. I know I am an acquired taste even if I am a ‘nobody’, in every sense of the word. I cannot imagine the elite of this planet needing anything from a mouthy, spiritually driven, emotive gal, such as myself. Plus I am not sure I am intelligent enough, although I do believe I possess the level of integrity the seek. Although I would add a considerable amount of color and perhaps a little comedy to the group -that you can be sure of!

But back to the question at hand, what would I actually say, if I was approached to join the ranks of the Lights most elite, intelligent, and philanthropic humans on the planet? Truthfully, I would likely CRY like a little girl first! Or be too flabbergasted to even speak. Once the initial shock wore off though, I would respond by saying I have a few questions first. Then I would probably need to sleep on it.

OMG!

I couldn’t sleep!!

I think I would just need some time with it, alone. This of course, is assuming they did not already anticipate my questions and/or concerns, and alleviate them from word go. Although I am completely content and fulfilled to be a Community Leader in their public outreach, it would absolutely be an honor to serve them more deeply, in anyway they need me to. For as long as they deem me worthy, to do so.

So, all that being said, and assuming of course, you guys are not the Archons…

My reply would be a diamond hard MAYBE IAM!

(Wink)

 

What would your answer be dear Beacons? I would LOVE to hear what you are thinking! Please be advised, your answers could end up in my next book~

I’ve been really sick.

sickvic

I was really sick & tired for about 6 months.

 

When I quit smoking, it sent me straight to Hell and into Hypothyroidism that went unchecked for 3 months. As a result, I gained 5 pounds a week for 8 weeks in a row, pouring a swift and staggering 40lbs onto my petite frame. Far more than the standard 10 lbs one can expect, from the slow down to the system that smoking cessation typically creates. It was the freaking WORST!!

I was miserable!

And I do mean MISERABLE, in every possible way!!

Not only did I suffer the worst that Hypothyroidism could throw at me: Puffy face, extreme fatigue, hoarseness, muscle weakness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, zero concentration, weight gain, more hair loss, and some bonus depression. I had to deal with the withdrawals from smoking, on top of all that! It threw me into a radical, personal pole shift, no doubt about it. There was so much going on with my body that I had no control over, I was a veritable stranger in my own skin. I hated every other ounce that had found it’s way into every area of my body. I was an emotional shipwreck, washed up onto territory that was completely foreign to me.  I had no idea what to do with myself, besides consult a physician and possibly a psychiatrist. I was all but lost, without my 40 year constant companion, who could always calm me down.

I WAS IN CONSTANT PAIN.

I was afraid that was my new normal.

My body hurt everywhere but especially my legs and my hands. I felt like a balloon that had been blown up too quickly, just shy of the popping point. I felt like I was as full as one could possibly be, without actually exploding. Carrying this new weight HURT! I was too damn tired to carry it, too! It hurt physically like I would never have imagined, but also it hurt me mentally too. It really threw me to the ground in a way nothing had before. I thought, WOW… IAM really found me weak point now, good for them!

I’m SCREWED.

I was not a gal that ever really worried about how she looked, and certainly not my weight, so this was very left field for me. But with the world potentially watching me turn into Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka, my pain was magnified by raw embarrassment and the idea that my enemies would actually delight in my suffering. 

I found myself facing all the fears, every human who does not feel perfect, faces. This fear was tangible, and quite the heavy low down. I suddenly felt a monumental heaviness for every overweight person on the planet, who felt they did not measure up to the impossible standards, of a freaking hanger. I developed sympatico for the kind of worries only high profile folks are subject to that I previously had no understanding of.  It is bad enough having to hit a low cycle in your life, it is exponentially more horrific doing so, while god and everyone is watching. I felt for every single one of us, and it made me cry.

A lot.

I am not going to lie, there were times that I wished with all my heart, I would just go to sleep and not wake up, so I could avoid the ongoing humiliation and the colossal amount of work that lay ahead. I absolutely did not want to face what I needed to, to get past this hurdle. I did not want to do this!! I was pissy-pot-pie on pep pills. I was dragging my tail behind me like a 800 lb leash. I was spitting nails angry that I would have to undo, what never should have occurred to begin with -had my doctor been a better advocate for my health. I knew the only way to get through this terrible turn of events, was going to require a whole bunch of effort on my part to fix.  I cannot even describe how pissed off I was about it.  Brad can though. He knows. He was my primary higher witness. He was the one I reached out to for the most part, although Papa and Christine were there for me also.

I called Brad a lot, so he caught the brunt of my furious rage. I called him crying, screaming, ranting, whimpering and too angry to speak. I called him just about every single day for months, working myself into lather almost every time I did.  He witnessed my death throes and I promise you, it wasn’t pretty. I had no way to dial myself down without a cigarette! I was screaming to the moon without a safety harness. I am convinced Brad must have put me on mute to get through the bulk of it. The endless repetition would have driven me crazy, but Brad took it like, he was actually paid to deal with me. No really. That is exactly how I would describe it. He really was a rock, on the other side of my hard place. I was frozen in my angst for months, before I was able to get moving again. My anger had eclipsed everything in my life, and I had become a shadow unto myself. 

The most horrific part of this for me was, dealing with the mirror. The one staring back at me was “Consumption V”, the version of myself who drank far to much to avoid her pain. I buried her almost 11 years ago, and here she was again, bloated and ready to gloat. It was incredibly hard to face her. I did not get sober and quit killing myself slowly, to face HER again!! Her very presence added insult to injury, and damn near pushed me, over the edge of myself. 

I was absolutely distraught.

INCONSOLABLE; REALLY.

Literally everything I knew how to do to move pass this, I ignored. I was obsessively hanging black crepe, in an effort to hide the terrible truth. The terrible truth was, there was no short cut! There was no easy fix. There was no savior on their way to magically fat burn me down and spit me out fabulous! I was ultimately going to have to move all the way through this alone, and it was going to take a tremendous amount of effort on my part, to do so. 

Grrrrrrrr(SPIT)Hisssssssss~

After a couple of professional examinations of my heart, and lungs, I got off my fat arse and started moving. It was my second attempt to do so. I had started with the gym the moment I became a non-smoker, but had to pause until my doc could figure out what was going on with my body. When I first started “Striding” (a combo of running, walking & occasionally some interpretive dance) I was so freaking out of shape, I could barely move myself at all. I felt like I was carrying 600 lbs of cement on top of my 800lb tail. It was such a drag! Quite literally. I was glad I had all the tests for my heart first, because it felt like I was having a heart attack every time I worked it out, for the first couple of weeks. I could not even believe how out of shape I was overall, having not been in a gym for 2 decades. I promise you when I say, there are a couple of smokers in my neighborhood that know I bawled my way through, many of my strides!

I hated every minute of the first several weeks of it.

I did not lose weight.

I GAINED it!

I was the biggest baby you have ever seen, and Brad heard it all. He would do everything he could, to intuitively diagnosis what ailed me, no doubt hoping my angst would end soon. It was he (and my mum) who suggested the thyroid was out of whack, when all my other tests were coming back normal.  I really am grateful to him for his time and efforts! He went to heroics for me, he really did.

But the thing that bothered me the most throughout this entire ordeal, was the fact that I could no longer feel the presence of The Illuminati in my life. I felt fully abandoned by them. I could not feel them in any way, shape, or form, even though it was clear my Initiation was still in progress, throughout it all.  I know, I know…they are always watching. But for me, it seemed they got into their space ships and decided to watch me from Saturn while they turned up the heat.  I thought they no longer cared about me, or how I was feeling. I felt they had pushed me down and left me for dead, even though it was my decision to quit smoking. I had several significant fires going in that same 6 months period of time, and I can honestly say it was (by far) the hardest part of my Initiation process, to date.

The whole time I was losing my shit, I reluctantly and RESENTFULLY moved towards the solution. I committed to exercise 5 days a week and for the most part, I followed through on that, even when I did not want to. Mostly, I did not want to. I was still livid that I even had to. The only reason I was able to show up at all, is because I knew showing up was the only way to get that person screaming at me from the back of my head, to shut the hell up. Besides, I immediately felt better knowing I was moving into a solution, even if I could not see any evidence of it.

At times I put all my heart into it and at others, I showed up halfheartedly. I showed up in the grubbiest fat clothes you can picture, but I showed up! Even when I gained an additional 7 more pounds, and I was in a state of despair as a result, I showed up.  Even when I was crying, I still showed up. I showed up to stride even if I had to take a nap beforehand, to do so.  I showed up when my legs were like painful balloons ready to pop. I showed up and strode through the freaking burning pain and the bloated loss of motion. I showed up with or without the music. With or without my enthusiasm.  And with or without any desire to do so. I hated almost every minute of it for 2 full months, possibly more, but I showed up. 

I freaking showed up!!

While I have yet to reach my goal, which is predicated on how I feel in my skin not how I look, I still feel 1000Xs better than I had before. I am starting to move more fluidly again, and the constant burning has ceased. I do not see “Consumption V” in the mirror anymore, and that alone brings a sign of relief, which has the potential to create hurricanes.

HA!

FEAR NOT!

Without a doubt, this has been one of the most challenging battles of my life. This was on par with fighting your way back from an injury, after an accident for me.  Even though it does not yet show, I can feel HaPPy and Healthy V, being carved out inside of every corner of me.  I know it will not be very much longer, before the outside matches what is happening within. I can tell you right now though, my sense of accomplishment is over the stack right now! It is especially sweet, when you didn’t even want to do the thing, that you have kicked arse, taken names and DONE!!

 

OH!! And it turns out…this exercise stuff is GREAT at diminishing the smack my head likes to talk, and it doesn’t look so bad on my legs either! I’m starting to get excited about this renovated and ravishing V, I just know will emerge; eventually! The one who faced that freaking mountain, and strode all over it, like the Victoryas Princess-Goddess that she truly, and thoroughly  is!

V~

 

 

The whole point of sharing this snippet, is to serve as a reminder for us all that we can face whatever it is, that stares us down. We can stare right back at it, face our fear, and conquer the fork out of whatever we must face.

That is a fact!

We are never given more than we can stand.

Please do NOT lose sight of that EVER, Beacons.

 

When you think you cannot do that thing, you don’t even want to do.

You can.

When you think you can go no farther, on a path you never wanted to take.

You will.

You can and you will.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Anonymous

 

 

INITIATE.

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To introduce, recruit, enlist, convert and baptize are synonyms.

 

There is no question in my mind, this path is not for everyone.

One needs to be made of the kind of stuff that is not found in every man, or women. If this were the easy road, it would have been travel by the masses and trampled to death, long ago. There would be nothing remarkable about this journey, and likely secret societies would not even exist, as a result.

However, this IS the path less traveled. The journey rarely taken, and even more rarely understood, as a never ending journey.

Although there are milestones.

  This is not for the heartless, those that quit, or those who have no character or intestinal fortitude. It takes guts, grit and integrity, to move through the Initiation process created by The Illuminati. As stated in Is the Illuminati Good or Evil, “Not all leaders are invited to join our membership. Many lack the intelligence and integrity that we require…” This should give us all insight, into what The Illuminati reveres. I cannot recommend reading that one again, if you haven’t recently.

I wanted to drive a very important point home that may have been lost in my other writings about Initiation, from my perspective. While the path is not for all, all who travel it will be perfected in ways, distinctive to them alone. This path appears to be custom tailored. Each initiation is one of a kind, like those who are invited to participate. 

Part of this seems to be about our unique roles in the Universal Design. In Illuminatiam, The First Testament of the Illuminati, it states that Ranking Membership comes with an OFFICIAL TITLE, reinforcing in my mind, those who are successful in passing through the Initiation process,  indeed have “roles” in this organization that are in alignment with the Universal Design.

The process by which a person’s character is tested, would be similar for all, but preparation for our roles, which I believe is an element of this whole production, is not. In that way, no two people will experience the exact same thing, as they move through this ancient establishment. Although the blueprint seems to have the same basic pattern; birth, death and personal resurrection, the rest of it is highly customized. So, we all get tested in the same ways on one hand, and the custom stuff comes from the other.

I believe my initiation which I have entered into of my own Free Will, is testing me to see if I practice what I preach, because I am an emerging Evangelight. They are probably looking to see if I actually take my own advice, on top of everything else they are looking for. What I am being groomed for, is different than what you are being prepared for. All of this is time tested and seems to be connected with our individual roles in the Universal Design.

But your path will be very different than mine. And your trials, geared towards a differing outcome; altogether. Our characters and crafts are refined, customized,  and cultivated, through a system that EVERY other Illuminati member has passed through, before us. Si in that way we are in good company.

Given we have answered the call to be Shepherds of our Species during stormy weather, I believe in order to be selected to do so, we must be able to stand the storms ourselves, to lead others through them. We must be able to be trusted under fire, for others to trust us in battle. We must be creatures of character, to be leaders worth following as we guide our species to a higher place in our evolutionary journey. Each role, no less important than the next. Each string weaving the very fabric of our existence, with the utmost perfection, once seen from the top of the pyramid.

I have to tell you guys though, having someone to share all of this with, who is going through it themselves, is incredibly helpful to me. I would be completely lost without my IAMfam here, because my real-time peeps, just don’t get it. It is almost impossible to explain any of this, to those who have never experienced it for themselves, so I stopped even trying. My IAMfam are my life line and the few that I share with, are as committed as I am to getting through the refinement fires. It is fascinating to hear about the ways in which they believe IAM is leading them as individuals, in accordance with their emerging roles. I marvel at the indirect ways in which the Illuminati is able to make their presence known, without any direct contact. I have learned there are reasons for everything, even NOT getting the “likes”.

I cannot encourage you all enough, to develop a close bond with at least one other initiate. You are going to need each other to bounce things off of, once your initiations begins in earnest. Especially if you are flying blind, like I was. Part of the reason for me sharing my experiences with everybody, is to help demystify a very mysterious process. It goes without saying, I am no expert in any of this. I was so completely clueless when I started, and somewhat clueless, even now. I just want to assist others like myself in their orientation, to the best of my ability. 

Because honestly, this shit is hard enough, without being totally ignorant, like I once was~

 

PS

Please note: This is what I have come to understand by what I have experienced personally and have seen in others around me. I am by no means speaking on the Illuminati’s behalf here, I am speaking ABOUT my relationship to them, from my own point of view. Surely theirs is VERY different than mine!!

ALSO

I am well aware many of you have been involved in ‘loyal water buffalo lodges’ before, and are in no need of my perspective. I am speaking to a specific audience, who I hope will benefit from what I am saying.

If you tassel-hat guys (wink) have anything to add, I would LOVE to hear from you!

Please add your comments below, Beacons.

THANK YOU!!

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~

MOO

I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.

ouroboros

I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~

1/23/19

talisman

Dear IAM, It’s me…V~

HaPPy V Day BTW!

How cool is it, that my nickname for you, has caught on?! I see so many others refer to you in that way now. I love it! #IAMFAM is a thing, Lol

Nope, no need to thank me, you are most welcome!

But I am not here to self marvel at the power of my written words although, let’s face it… they can be magic at times. Tee hee. I am here to give you an update on what has been going on with me, since I have been somewhat scarce and silent.

Look, I get it. I am clearly not the brightest bulb in your pack! However, may I  remind you, I never claimed to be.

I told you from the beginning, I didn’t see myself as a leader, but I could help you find the ones you were looking for. It never occurred to me in a million years, you would see something in me, I was blind to in myself. That part still blows me away, as I strive to become worthy of your confidence in me.

While it has been an honor to receive a historical designation, with the “verified Level 1.1” thing, it has been a responsibility I could not have fathomed, prior to being ‘crowned’ in that way.

It has been a heavy weight upon me that I have had to struggle to walk upright with, at times. Something I bet most do not really realize, until they experience it for themselves. I am actually hyper aware of the honor and seek to be worthy of it; every day.

Or maybe they do, because you know, they are much brighter bulbs!?

I am sorry if my progress is painfully slow to watch. It must be frustrating for you guys to see me struggle, and not be able to offer a hand when I have fallen on my face, tears streaming onto the ground making mud, not magic.

While I fully understand, I am a rarefied taste, I gotta believe that after 4 plus years, I have grown on you guys; some. Or at least some of you! I like to pretend you actually care that I am crawling through parts of this, when I am too wobbly to walk upright.

PLEASE forgive my ignorance regarding your ‘loyal water buffalo’ ways, but I still remain somewhat clueless as to how any of this works. This flying blind on the cryptic, has been a real drag for me.

At times I have even felt like a Sheep not a Lion, because of this. My ability to figure out what is going on has not been easy, or quick. I have had to learn a new language, with all your indirect signs and symbols, but I am getting there.

I’m really doing the best I can, even if I seem developmentally retarded, to you guys. I am tremendously grateful, you are a patient people!

My heart and head are completely in this thing, IAM. I hope at least that much is obvious. I work hard to make certain my actions are in alignment with my words, and your principles. I hope my passion for this outreach is palatable, and contagious.

I have inspired an entire network of opportunity, for the other leaders among us to share the spotlight with me. So in that way, I have made good on my original promise to you, and I am proud of myself for having done so.

As you know, I have acted on your words in a huge way. Even forgoing things I once LOVED, to be a better version of myself, and a better reflection of the Light for an ever growing global audience.

I recognize that being a leader in this movement, means we are called to be, a cut above the rest.  I fully understand that we are scrutinized like no other group on this planet, and I want to be the very best representative of your Global Outreach I can be.

To me, that means acting like a Shepherd of our Species, not the Sheep we protect. It is a higher calling most will not answer, much less stay committed to, when it becomes difficult.

A distinction, lost on far too many of our IAMAM.

Speaking of difficulty…FINALLY, my physical health is bouncing back!  However, my mental health has taken extra time to recover, given I was thrown into a mild depression, as a result of the hypothyroidism that came from my smoking cessation.  I had to fight my way out of a very deep and dark hole, only to realize…I now have to fight the fat that found me, while I was in there!

Grrrrrr, hissssssss~

This path is NOT for everyone. Not even close!! I am not always sure it’s for me, but I am willing to swim until I can swim no more! That much I do know.

I also know that most are unwilling to give up what they hold dear, much less reach out to embrace the unknown. Something that must continually occur, on the path of enlightenment. This is a rarefied journey, indeed.

I was so angry there for awhile, IAM! In some ways I still am. There is so much going on inside, as the Light has it’s way with me! An explosive anger with no where to go but to Brad’s house, apparently.

Before I was able to turn it into the fuel that got my arse moving again, I was in agony both physically and mentally!!  That guy deserves a badge of his own. His wife has been incredibly gracious to allow Brad to listen to my ruminations on repeat, for HOURS at a time!  What a neat couple! They should be sporting “We survived V” crowns of their own! I am not even kidding!

Anyway…I never thought doing something to improve my health, would cause me to be unhealthy! But hey…I did destroy a 41 year old, previously functioning ecosystem that was NOT HaPpy with me, for doing so!

I have finally been able to move into a solution, but I was seriously down for the count, there for awhile. I REALLY hung the black crepe for far longer than I typically allow, but I just could not move past the smoldering anger. I was spitting nails and smoking mad!! The whole horrific experience burnt me down; completely. I was reduced to ash, ironic, right? But it was on the ashes of my own angst that I become ready to be made greater.

So, like a Phoenix, I am rising!

I am striding several times a week, and it has helped my mindset enormously, but not the appearance of my body that I can see, as of yet anyway.

I will not feel fully myself, until I stop seeing “Consumption V” in the mirror! I did not get sober, quit smoking ciggs & stuff, to see that undisciplined version of myself, looking back at me through the mirror again.

Talk about a head trip! On top of being sick for MONTHS, I have had to face HER  again, too. Most folks will not be able to relate to that part, but I know it goes without saying for you guys. (insert a knowing wink-wink nod-nod here)

I have taken the liberty to write things out, so other Initiates can at least begin to understand, what is required of them. I hope it helps, and is not a hindrance to you that I do, IAM.  It has been my experience that Illumination is a process whereby we are continually renewed, and refined.

It’s an Ouroboros thing.

All of this is obviously designed to reveal our true intentions and integrity level. Iron to gold. Forged only by the fires of hell and hardship. You guys definitely push people past their limits till they pop open, and reveal the type of goo that is on the inside. It makes sense though. All my juicy goodness inside comes from the things that have tested me.

And honestly, I have yet to meet anyone of substance, who refined their character on social media chit-chat, petting pit bulls and chasing Pikachu -so to speak.

🐄

The gemstones are in hades, not at the end of the rainbow. Our testimonial treasures come from trials, not well paved trails. 

At any rate…I had a series of ahhh-ha’s and epiphanies last week that have put me firmly back on path. They seemed to come on the heels of me brute forcing my way, into a solution to my angst. I could literally not stand myself anymore. I was wailing, wallowing, and gnashing my teeth over this one. The creepy black crepe long over due, for the rubbish can.

Part of the upshot is this is: I have a new found appreciation for those who suffer from chronic health conditions, or serious mental health issues. It takes a real toll on folks ability to be of good cheer, when you are hurting non-stop, I can see that now. Plus it has the potential to set off a negative mindset that will dig the ditch deeper, if they are not vigilant and active about keeping their spirits high. This particular lesson has reinvigorated my compassion, something I was losing ground on, having had to deal with the psycho-sociopaths who are drawn to your gates. In other words, I needed everything I gleaned from this particular joy ride.

Eeeeh gads, all because I quit smoking!

So there you have it. I just wanted you to know, I have survived myself and my self-inflicted suffering, well almost anyway.

Now I am working towards restoring my zeal. By my birthday, I should being staring back and the women I am becoming, not the women I once was…

May the Light ever guide us all!

V~

 

PS: Thx for the Pokemon edit🕷Lol

Pythagorean Illuminati~

Posted: January 31, 2019 in ?, Illuminati
Tags: ,

pythagoras

I am looking to speak with someone from the Pythagorean Illuminati organization, other than their “Herald”, Morgue.

If anyone can help me with that, PLEASE reach out to me in the comments below ASAP.

(Comments are are moderated & not automatically added. So your privacy is ensured)

THX Beacons!!!