Posts Tagged ‘Healing’

Healing Husbands~

Posted: December 30, 2017 in Grateful, Healing, Love, Sobriety
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To the men who helped me heal~

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Along my path, but particularly in my marriages to Jack & Glenn, I was blissed to find gentlemen to journey with, as I healed in stages.
These men saw me at my worst, as I struggled to make sense of myself, after trauma. It took me decades to unravel the knot within that was preventing me from shining, as brightly as I have been called to.
It was no easy task, to love & live with a Phoenix. Especially as I emerged from the bottle.

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To all who are fortunate to be loved by a long suffering man, rejoice!
You have had the privilege to walk with a new breed of men! It is these guys, who are brave enough to walk with a rising goddess.
Today, I ask you to honor our TRUE knights in shining armor, the REAL Prince’s of an evolving species~

Namaste’ Gentlemen~

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The gifts keep coming! But not wrapped in boxes, but rather 💎 in the form of heartfelt jewel’s…like the one my mum just presented me with.
Today I declare perfect healing & understanding, w/the women who taught me what loyalty under fire & duress looks like~

Licking wounds~

Posted: December 23, 2017 in Grief, Healing, Victim
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When I was young, I spent a good deal of my time, licking my wounds. The ones caused while growing up, and the ones caused by my own decisions. I was damn near fatally injured, but somehow I survived myself. I dare say no one around me, save for the truly empathetic, could tell I had been injured. I am totally like a cat, in that regard. On the outside, I likely appeared confident albeit, eccentric party gal. But inside, I was a bubbly mess of emotional infection.

I was blissed with ability to hide information from myself deeply, also. Only as I was able to handle the next level of my healing, were new things revealed about the source of my pain. And I clearly suffered from PTSD as a result of all the trauma. Which added a new layer of challenges, that would be revealed over time as well.

I periodically reached out for help, and I was fortunate to have had a couple really good therapists, that contributed to my restoration, but the bulk of my work was done in private. It would be many years before I stabilized into a form of understanding that started to serve me, rather than slice. I began to see a new strength emerging in me, as I took those first few cautious steps, back into myself. I was so busy licking my wounds, it never occurred to me the scar tissue I was not allowing to form, would be a shield and strength. I had not yet discovered, the treasures one can find, going through hell.

But time passed and I progressed. I never at any time, thought of myself as a victim. That mentality is a cop out, to me. Blaming others, even when guilty, ultimately leads to our own slow death. Of course there are times we must explain where we are coming from, so those around us can understand what we are going through, and why we are off our game. But to slap our victim card down on the table, whenever things do not go our way, or as an excuse for our inaction, we lose.

You see, what I learned over the years and I promise you is true, we all really are, fighting battles no one else sees. We all have been given a unique & challenging load to work through, as we journey towards realizing our full potential. If everyone played that card, our society would break down, oh wait…

Hmmmm~

I understand perfectly, that as children, we have zero to no control, in what the adults around us chose, but once we can race out the door, everything else is on us. How we process and project the experience, falls under our watch. The staggering amount of folks who prefer to play in their soiled emotional diapers, rather than change them, is alarming to me. There must be a missing link here, or most folks would heal more quickly. For me, that link is accountability.

Taking responsibility for ones own life, is part of the healing process. I own the decisions I personally made, that took me down some very dark roads. For example…I am pretty sure you can avoid date rape, by choosing not to go drinking in he woods with a boy you do not know very well.

If you want to get past anything, you can. But it takes some real soul searching, and most simply are unwilling to do the work. There are perks to victimhood, if you play your cards right, and it is vastly easier to do so, that being fully accountable for our lives.

So listen, because this is the truth. Those with the more difficult things to face, are actually in training for a higher calling, if they will just take the time to heal.  So you can drop that deck you carry and step away from the table of victimhood at any time you chose. Holding onto it, is hindering your path to greatness. Do not let others deal your fate! You do not have to play anyone else’s game, but your own.

If you find yourself still licking your wounds years after your injury, something is wrong. You are likely suffering from delayed grief reaction and it is time to consider putting away the black crepe and moving forward, even if you can do nothing more than crawl. Licking wounds is normal, licking them infectious, is not. The booze and the booty will not continue to serve as distractions, in the long haul. They will end up adding to your burden. Plus you can do this! You were born to be victorious. Even if you do not believe this to be true yourself, tell this lie to yourself everyday. Tell yourself that you will rise and claim victory over the things that sought to burn you down. Recognize the refinement those purification flames bring and embrace the beauty that remains. These things are the jewels, that crown those who are victorious.

We all have been victimized in one way or another in our lives…But only we can decide to go from Victim to Victor~

The Marine Corps & Me~

Posted: November 10, 2017 in Change, Hardships, Healing
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He was literally the Commander of the Supply School I went to in the Marine Corps, when I was 19 years old…only 31 years later.
And we went to the 239th Marine Corps Ball together, a few years back. Oh yeah, we took his wife too, my gorgeous friend Cathryn.
She’s not in the picture because of that. She graciously stepped aside, so I could have the total USMC Ball experience, with her man.

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All the pomp and circumstance, that is typically lost on young Marines, because they can’t wait for the drinking & dancing to start, I saw with fresh, yet seasoned eyes.
I loved it!

And they even recognized, a female Lance Corporal for her exceptionalism! I thought that was really cool, because she was snappy in her uniform and demeanor. So you could tell, she was fully in it. Plus I don’t remember girls getting singled out for that kind of distinction, when I was in. My own master sergeant, straight up gave me his speech, on why women didn’t belong in HIS Marine Corps. And I mean, right off the bat, I knew the climate of my new duty station.

Other than the music, it was awesome! But that’s not why I am talking to you right now. It’s what happened on that same trip with him, that I need to talk about.

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Because I was revisiting the last place I was “whole”, before I was traumatized. This particular visit to the Harvey’s, had me filled with caution anticipation and a little bit of dread. In a sense I was finally coming full circle, back to myself. It was the beginning of the merger, of my teenage self and the rest of me. And on some level, I Just knew, how important this trip would end up being

34 years ago this month, I met and married another young Marine. We knew each other three weeks. And I drink a whole bottle of champagne, before we said our vows in the small chapel in Palm Springs California.
The only possible explanation I can think of for doing so now, was his mouth. I loved his mouth. The way it moved. I only I looked at it, when he talked. Never his eyes, or maybe I would have “seen”.

Because I do not like to relive this part of my life, I will make this brief and you can read between the lines.
Within five days of getting married, I had slashed my wrist, when he confessed to me, he was a Satanist. Now mind you I was knee-deep in Jesus at that time. So that pretty much short-circuited me, psychologically. And it got worse from there.

I endured months of ritualistic psychological torture & sexual abuse, at the hands of, someone who said they loved me. I most certainly thought I loved him, that’s for sure. It wasn’t like he beat me up because his dinner was cold either. He had a nightly ritual. It always started when he picked me up from work. I was accused of sleeping with people,at work…on base, in the Marine Corps. It was just absurd to me. Where would I have found the time? I was sleeping during my breaks and lunch in the ladies bathroom, because he kept me up all night!!

He would go on and on and on. Screaming, frothing, accusing, threatening. It was jealousy on crack or something, I don’t know. I had never seen any behavior like that before in my life. He would work himself into a lather, quite literally, with me pinned down on the bed underneath his salivating hatefilled words. He continually shouted insults, and things I don’t even remember, because it went on for hours. And I tuned out.
I was kept awake until 4am every morning, and then expected to perform as a “wife” afterwards.
Rape.
He constantly threatened my life and had the weaponry around to make good on it. He had a thing for butcher knives. I was completely checked out as a result. I really don’t even know how I got through the days back then.
But this dirty secret did not stay hidden forever. My Capt. graciously and honorably discharged me from the Marine Corps. These off work events, were semi documented. However in those days the men around me did not know how to deal with somebody who spoke up. I wasn’t something people really talked about back then. However I had to, because my husband kidnapped me and kept me from going my Marine Corps job, for a couple of days, after he was discharged himself, for reasons I would only tell you, at a live speaking event.

That triggered my willingness to share because I needed to get away from this guy. The last time he was able to get his hands on me, he was choking me to death. Had the neighbors not called the police I’m pretty sure he would’ve finished me off. You just know, when you’re that close, to meeting your maker. I finally got away shortly there after. But I did but I took the long way home. Because my baby Christian born-again parents (at the time), didn’t think it was a good idea, I left my husband, because you know… marriage is forever blah blah blah. But it was actually him who set things in motion he could not stop that ejected me miraculously, out of the situation.

Because I was heavily invested in the church at the time, and my dad was in seminary, I went to a trusted pastor for help. It was so beyond his scope, it wasn’t even funny. It would be years, before I dipped into any kind of professional help again. I came and went. I could only take my healing in doses. I was drinking myself silly, so I didn’t have to think about those kinds of things. I was into pure escapism really. Although, not in a creepy way.

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But over the years, I slowly healed. I did what I could, as it came up.

Me, myself and “I”.

Although honestly, the Marine Corps was always available when I needed extra help, (albeit, slowly) especially if I needed assistance monitoring my moods. It was just so unspeakable and beyond the scope of a normal experience, that I just couldn’t find anybody I felt comfortable enough, to talk about it with.

Cathryn had been trying to get me to come to a Marine Corps Ball for years. The first time she suggested it, I was all over it. I could’ve attended a ball, at a number of locations, in the last 10 years. But my destiny, was to occur when they got stationed in Jacksonville NC. The very town I went to school at, after leaving bootcamp in 1980.

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The day that I finally found lasting peace from this particular incident, on my arduous journey towards the Light. Catherine and I, went to Craig’s office, so he could give me a tour of the base and we could go to lunch.
It was so different then I remembered it, I can’t tell you. While it was the same, it was different. Because my view of it was on foot before and this time, we were in Craig’s jeep.

I really loved being at that school, I had a REALLY good time there and I was really HaPpy, to be a part of the MC. Even though I categorically do not care for war, in anyway. In fact my code for reenlistment on my discharge papers state, I’m a conscientious objector! But I wasn’t conscious of it, at the time of my enlightenment!

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At lunch I didn’t give Craig all the details of what happened to me, not like I gave you here. But he knew without me having to explain. Because part of his job, was dealing with precisely these kinds of issues, and honestly, some I find more shocking actually.
Predators like naive kids, who just came out of small towns, in the middle of anywhere, in America. He explained to me, it was actually a “thing” for an over abundance of deviants, to swarm around bases, and I was a bit horrified really. In his tenure there, he had to help young Marines get the care they needed after sexual assalts. or physical abuse, car accidents, you name it. And it happened far more than you would think.

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What was healing for me personally, was listening to this man talk about these kids, and what they were going through. And what they were doing to facilitate their healing. They could finally offer them,  the kind of help that they would need, so that they could move past this part of their lives.

I assure you, no one told me things like that, while I was in the Marine Corps. My pastor didn’t have resources either. Five counselors did not restore my broken wings, Although they tried.
Additionally, Craig was expressing to me, how much it meant to the Marine Corps, to be able to handle these sorts of things now, when so many of us fell through the cracks, for so many years. Many dedicated Marines & Civilians, have helped orchestrate the changes, that are now available to those who need assistance surviving trauma.
They are very proud of the systems & organizations they have put in place, to care for their Marines. Mind, body & Spirit.
At the end of the day, The USMC, really is a fraternity. It’s a ‘humanhood’ of men and women, willing to risk their lives, so that their families and friends may live in freedom. Unfortunately, many risk much more, than you will ever fully comprehend.

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And they do take care of their own. I am so proud of them for growing into this with dignity. It was so healing for me to know, that others would not have to walk such a dark and lonely path, towards their healing. That there would be choices and avenues, more custom tailored, to their particular trauma and needs.

So if you think my Marine Corps is some soulless fighting machine, you would be incorrect.

The USMC is made up of humans just like you and I. And like anybody who’s awake & paying attention, they are striving to get better in all aspects of what they do, as an people.

So, today I just wanted to tell you guys, how much I appreciate & adore, Lieutenant Colonel Craig Harvey’s unique placement in my life. I am way beyond grateful for The Harvey’s!

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I also wanted to tell you, It was an honor to have served in the Marine Corps, even though, I really just didn’t want to go to college.

Yep. I finally have some hard fought for peace…where a war once raged. And it feels like a Victory!

Now to fully eliminate the PTSD!

Because our bodies remember…

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Cathryn & Me~

*If want need to reach out for help, with a similar experience, please visit: www.beacons.forumotion.com

Hotlines & Helpful folks, are but a click away~

3D-Gif-Free-Download-Wallpapers-HD-in-3D-Categories Many of you are wondering what a “Healer” actually does. This of course, depends on which kind of healing you are in need of. In simplest terms, Spiritual Healing is beyond repairing that which is physically broken…It is about recovering that which has been misplaced within,  in order to restore wholeness/holiness.

Healers are willing energetic channels of divine love & light. It is the “Source” that actually does the work!

Not us.

There are many ways in which someone can work the healing magic with you. It is all about what you personally resonate with, as there are plenty of modalities out there to chose from.  The one most are familiar with, is  Massage Therapy.  As we inhabit the 21st Century more deeply, you will see this field of study gaining more ground & validation as we marry ancient wisdom, with modern technology.

As far as my practice goes…I simply serve as an inspirational companion to those who seek a path of personal resurrection. And I personally have a terrific cache of colorful tools that facilitate such intents~