Archive for the ‘Storms’ Category

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How in the world I recently circled back on myself, is beyond me. However I do blame the Illuminati, for blowing on the embers of my soul.  Their unseen winds, igniting a fire within that is burning much more fiercely, than it existed in its original state. I cannot possibly express my gratitude for this process, and the walk I have taken through the underworld, to reach deeper into the mysteries of myself. I can see now, I have been ceaselessly guided by the Light of those, who are ALWAYS watching out for us.

Having returned from hell, far too many times to count, I have finally arrived back onto the path that has been designed especially for me. And the cool thing is guys, you all have one of your own unique, design. It has been engineered especially for you too!

This is what I have learned about my role in this theater, we call life…

I embody the 3rd definition of Evangelism. And the 6th definition of Evangelist! (air quotes)
(Source: dictionary.com)
#3: missionary zeal, purpose, or activity~
#6: a person marked by evangelical enthusiasm for or support of any cause~

Or perhaps it’s more accurate to state that this energy embodies me!

Allow me to be more specific, since evangelism came out of the Protestant Movement, and I since have consciously rejected the Gods of Men…let’s just say, the word needed some tweaking to evolve it. So…I have come up with my own definition, that I feel is more precise, for me personally. It is more in alignment with who I truly am, by design. I know there are others out there like me, so it’s to them that I humbly dedicate & submit this new term, for public use.

I AM an #EvangeLight!!

Yep~

That’s it.

And I’m practicing for the day that my voice will have more reach. Because I know folks are hurting & lost in spiritual confusion, at a time in our history, where a more rational and logical vision, is desperately needed in the mix.

Too many of us have defaulted to escapism, sorcery &  salacious animalistic instincts, to deny, distract or avoid the distress of a world in painful transition. Even to the casual observer, not yet fully awake -we as a species seem to be experiencing a collective form of insanity.

Growing numbers of us, are beginning to realize, we’ve  been surrounded by lies. We’ e been dummied down & our potentials enslaved.  We can feel it, even if we cannot give words to it.

But deep down, in all this crazy & chaos, there IS something more. We know something is out there, or at least around here somewhere!  We can sense that it’s bigger than the both of us. And it surely seems to have ALL of us, surrounded!

I have been called to help activate the fires within those, who are destined to rise from the ashes of a dying old world order. Bottom line human family, religion as we have known it, will perish. And out of the embers, the glowing truth will remain. Between here and there, it will get hot & chaotic, as we collectively face the hell of our own creation, first. It ain’t gonna be pretty, so we need to hold hands here, as we struggle through our collective process. The Phoenix will surely rise, of that, there can be no sustainable doubt. The growing pains WILL be worth it. They will labor, to bring forth new life.

There is much to do, and a long way to go, before the Light reaches it’s apex. Religion will not go quietly. In-spite of its control mechanism & eventual corruption, it was a necessary part of our evolutionary design.  And we need to respect the role it has played In our development. Our spiritual infancy & teenage years were fashioned by religions repressive reach. However, it ALL works together in the long haul. We are ever expanding creatures, despite how it looks from our limited points of view. In the grand scheme of things, we got this. We are not designed to remain stagnant, nor have we truly ever been. Regardless of what traditionalists will tell us.

I want to help you guys see things from a broader perspective, and in doing so much of your personal spirit led journey, might come into clearer focus. Perhaps in a way, you might not see coming! Although it has been there, unchanged all along. The Alpha & the Omega, that Grand Architect of All. All we have to do, is agree upon a name. Plus some common denominators. Because it has many of each. It will become crystal clear going forward, why we call this particular energetic & creative divine mind, the Light. And my purpose, is to help folks find & follow it.

If you’re reading this, and have not followed me as of yet, I invite you to join my emerging inner evangeLight, as she she gears up, to go global.

The Age of enLightenment is dawning. It’s time we build a new spiritual foundation in which we may grow spiritually towards the Light together, individually and as one. Our common denominator is the Light. We must make this simple truth, our earthquake proof foundation. There is strength in numbers -magnified power, where 2 or more are gathered.

Our spiritual unification is not only our destiny, it is our birthright! It is time we inherit the love, harmony, joy, innovation, creativity, abundance and the magnificent order, that goes along with it.

Thank you for your precious time guys!! Have a wonderful week!

iVyTaroc~
EvangeLight

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~

MOO

I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.

ouroboros

I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~

1/23/19

Victory~

Posted: January 24, 2019 in Feelings,, Grief, Hardships, Storms, Victory
Tags: , , ,

I have kept it all in, as long as I could.

I harbored the burden alone.

But the weight of all has kept me,

from wearing a crown of my own.

bleeding-eye

I’m spilling my pain all over these pages.

So much in my life, has taken a toll.

I’m an endless well of pent up tears.

The cup, of a sensitive soul.

 

I vow to lighten it up, a load

To let go of what no longer serves.

And enter into my birthright

With the victory I so richly deserve.

🔻

 

 

Gather~

Posted: February 12, 2018 in Poetry, Quotes, Storms

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The storms are so close, you can smell them now.
We must gather too~
It’s time to shine the Light upon, everything we do~

🔻

 

Nasty Weather~

Posted: January 24, 2018 in Grateful, Grief, Hardships, Storms, Thankful

When it “rains”, allow it to cleanse you~ 797B5D3C-C6DF-4CE1-97C0-F87D0FD9FF37

The last two years and counting, have ripped me apart.  I have dealt with every imaginable loss and some of the worst things, repeatedly. Following a magical year of fabulous, I should add. The contrast was a drag. It made everything slightly darker, than it likely would have been, had the preceding year been well, average.

I lost four dragons, two long term girlfriends, even longer term marriage & a beloved job I was thriving in, when the position was eliminated. I even had to job hunt twice, in the first year of living on my own. A highly stressful thing, for someone starting “over” again.  Meanwhile, Bro got a pacemaker and was diagnosed with Downs related Alzheimers. Oh and mom had new stints & a new pacemaker too. All of it taking a toll on my health as well.

Yep. It was like that. Dreadful.

Never mind, the grief & financial hardship that goes with all of these things.

So yeah. Hades. Nasty place~

Comedic.

I have quite literally, gone through hell several times in 28 months. When I wasn’t directly in the flames, I was camped just outside and within reach. I have cried more tears during this season, than I have since my Dad died 15 years ago. How I kept showing up everyday for more, was often beyond me. Because I really did not feel like it. Whenever I thought I could absolutely take no more, to my surprise,   I would.

(Insert maniacal laugh here)

Thankfully, there is a Light that is ceaseless. It dawns anew every morning. Regardless if you can’t see it during the darkest of nights. I found the strength to keep going from inside me. It came from the Light within, that kept whispering…

”KEEP GOING ANYWAY”.

Ordinarily, I would have reached out for a round of professional advice for this kind of crazy. However, the thought occurred to me, the Feds might 5150 me, if I did.    So I used the time to hang black crepe and and dove further into the deep. I even coughed up a couple of ancient emotional hairballs. Basically because I was so thoroughly cracked open, I think everything I was trying to hold onto, flat out escaped! Even stuff I didn’t realize was still in there, was forced into the Light. It was horrific!

And healing~

Gratefully, the intervals & intensity of my custom designed hardships, have finally slowed pace, so I could catch my breath. While I am still finding my footing on new territory. I marvel at the higher ground I have gained. I have so very much to be grateful for! I have passed through a wickedly steep learning curve, most would run from. Not only that, I managed to snatch up some sparkly treasures, as I climbed. I gots me some shiny new lessons that will come in handy, as I path UP.

Remember now -Hell has the best swag y’all!!

Even though I am still, just shy of level, I can clearly see the true beauty in the prolonged destructive forces of “nature”. Especially as they move into the valley, and away from me~

PS: Thx 🙏🏽 IAM

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The storms are so close, you can smell them now.
We must gather too~
It’s time to shine the Light upon, everything we do~

🔻