Course Correction~

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Full Circle~

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How in the world I recently circled back on myself, is beyond me. However I do blame the Illuminati, for blowing on the embers of my soul.  Their unseen winds, igniting a fire within that is burning much more fiercely, than it existed in its original state. I cannot possibly express my gratitude for this process, and the walk I have taken through the underworld, to reach deeper into the mysteries of myself. I can see now, I have been ceaselessly guided by the Light of those, who are ALWAYS watching out for us.

Having returned from hell, far too many times to count, I have finally arrived back onto the path that has been designed especially for me. And the cool thing is guys, you all have one of your own unique, design. It has been engineered especially for you too!

This is what I have learned about my role in this theater, we call life…

I embody the 3rd definition of Evangelism. And the 6th definition of Evangelist! (air quotes)
(Source: dictionary.com)
#3: missionary zeal, purpose, or activity~
#6: a person marked by evangelical enthusiasm for or support of any cause~

Or perhaps it’s more accurate to state that this energy embodies me!

Allow me to be more specific, since evangelism came out of the Protestant Movement, and I since have consciously rejected the Gods of Men…let’s just say, the word needed some tweaking to evolve it. So…I have come up with my own definition, that I feel is more precise, for me personally. It is more in alignment with who I truly am, by design. I know there are others out there like me, so it’s to them that I humbly dedicate & submit this new term, for public use.

I AM an #EvangeLight!!

Yep~

That’s it.

And I’m practicing for the day that my voice will have more reach. Because I know folks are hurting & lost in spiritual confusion, at a time in our history, where a more rational and logical vision, is desperately needed in the mix.

Too many of us have defaulted to escapism, sorcery &  salacious animalistic instincts, to deny, distract or avoid the distress of a world in painful transition. Even to the casual observer, not yet fully awake -we as a species seem to be experiencing a collective form of insanity.

Growing numbers of us, are beginning to realize, we’ve  been surrounded by lies. We’ e been dummied down & our potentials enslaved.  We can feel it, even if we cannot give words to it.

But deep down, in all this crazy & chaos, there IS something more. We know something is out there, or at least around here somewhere!  We can sense that it’s bigger than the both of us. And it surely seems to have ALL of us, surrounded!

I have been called to help activate the fires within those, who are destined to rise from the ashes of a dying old world order. Bottom line human family, religion as we have known it, will perish. And out of the embers, the glowing truth will remain. Between here and there, it will get hot & chaotic, as we collectively face the hell of our own creation, first. It ain’t gonna be pretty, so we need to hold hands here, as we struggle through our collective process. The Phoenix will surely rise, of that, there can be no sustainable doubt. The growing pains WILL be worth it. They will labor, to bring forth new life.

There is much to do, and a long way to go, before the Light reaches it’s apex. Religion will not go quietly. In-spite of its control mechanism & eventual corruption, it was a necessary part of our evolutionary design.  And we need to respect the role it has played In our development. Our spiritual infancy & teenage years were fashioned by religions repressive reach. However, it ALL works together in the long haul. We are ever expanding creatures, despite how it looks from our limited points of view. In the grand scheme of things, we got this. We are not designed to remain stagnant, nor have we truly ever been. Regardless of what traditionalists will tell us.

I want to help you guys see things from a broader perspective, and in doing so much of your personal spirit led journey, might come into clearer focus. Perhaps in a way, you might not see coming! Although it has been there, unchanged all along. The Alpha & the Omega, that Grand Architect of All. All we have to do, is agree upon a name. Plus some common denominators. Because it has many of each. It will become crystal clear going forward, why we call this particular energetic & creative divine mind, the Light. And my purpose, is to help folks find & follow it.

If you’re reading this, and have not followed me as of yet, I invite you to join my emerging inner evangeLight, as she she gears up, to go global.

The Age of enLightenment is dawning. It’s time we build a new spiritual foundation in which we may grow spiritually towards the Light together, individually and as one. Our common denominator is the Light. We must make this simple truth, our earthquake proof foundation. There is strength in numbers -magnified power, where 2 or more are gathered.

Our spiritual unification is not only our destiny, it is our birthright! It is time we inherit the love, harmony, joy, innovation, creativity, abundance and the magnificent order, that goes along with it.

Thank you for your precious time guys!! Have a wonderful week!

iVyTaroc~
EvangeLight

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I remember NOW!!

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I was so distracted by the shadows that constantly surround me, I had completely lost sight of, the transformational power of the Light within!

I went straight to emotional hell as a result.

I have actually been camped out there for quite some time, I am embarrassed to report. But it was a necessary journey for me. One that reminded me just how incredibly powerful our thought life really is! Apparently, I needed the reminder. I mean, talk about flying blind! I was circling my own bullshit, trapped in the mire of my own negative thought patterns. I can now say with complete confidence, that depression comes from within! I was allowing my stinkin-thinkin, to construct a mental prison around me, because I was focusing on the things that I found disturbing, instead of the delicious & deLightful!

The descent into darkness is almost imperceptible at first. It starts with unchecked thoughts like: I am not good enough. I am too old, I am hated, I am not a good leader, etc etc etc. Allowing any one of these thoughts to exist without rejection, provides the building blocks of our own demise. Theses destructive words and expressions are what imprison us. And the truly ironic thing about it, is they are LIES! I can’t even believe I allowed this to happen again, since I truly know better. But I am truly grateful for the painful reminder, about how incredibly creative or destructive, our minds really are. 

I urgently & emphatically implore you, to guard your thoughts!

They are the cornerstones of your immediate and future reality. They will shape your experience in ways you may not like. Or draw things to you, that you love. They are responsible for literally everything that occurs in matter and if we do not control them, they WILL construct a world, that controls us. I have learned, the most effective way out of a adverse thought pattern, is to replace it with preferable messages, from the opposite extreme. We must reprogram ourselves.

Now this is where it gets tricky, because it is easier said than done. The hardest part is actually realizing what we are currently saying to ourselves. That awareness is critical step one, towards the solution that will set us free. When we are caught in darker thought patterns, it is very difficult to record something positive over the top of them. Largely because we have begun to believe the negative and the new thoughts feel like categorical lies.

Well who cares!! LIES got us into the ditch, in the first place! So lie to yourself!! Tell yourself the exact opposite of what you are currently streaming in the background! Do this every time a self defeating thought floats by. Do it after every comment thought or spoken to you, that suggests you are anything less that a powerful creative Light with great value and purpose on this planet.

Again, it doesn’t matter if you believe it right now! Eventually you will!

Just override any negativity with positive reinforcement, about how truly fabulous you are! Find things you love about yourself, things you are thankful & grateful for, and repeat those things. Throw in some epic lies, regarding the things you want to become in there too, for good measure. Do this over and over and over again!  Do it forever! Your life will start changing immediately within and soon your outer world, will become solid a reflection, of the things going on inside you.

Do this without ceasing, because I just learned the hard way, without true vigilance, the incredible programming power of the world around us, will take over for us, if we turn our heads away for too long.

I invite you to start reprogramming yourself right now. Do not delay. You can begin the moment you have finished reading/listening to this and see the results far quicker than you ever imagined.

So go on now…get out of here! Go find a place to sit alone for awhile and get your head back in the game. The sooner you do, the sooner the solutions will come to saturate your being with the healing & restorative powers of an enlightened mind.

This alone, will reshaped your reality.

I PROMISE! 

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Hardships & Initiation~

Initiation

 

Fear Not!!

Hardships are a necessary part of the initiation process. Only those who overcome them, will succeed through the various levels of initiation.

That is why I write about them so much you guys. So you will see the value in them and find encouragement to get through them.

This process is NOT for everyone. Although EVERYONE is invited to apply.
This is a lifestyle, not a test or two and you are IN. There will be many tests and most are not on paper. Then of there is the waiting. The endless patience building; waiting.

In the almost 4 years I have been at this, I have seen more drop out, than I have seen those that keep going. Many start out strong and sprint pass others to what they believe is the finish line, not realizing this is a never ending endurance game.
Unfortunately those who are able to suffer through the struggles of the long haul, are few and far between.

Remember, the Illuminati states in ILLUMINATIAM that all manner of hardships are placed in our path, (including addictions) to see if temporary discomfort will cause us to turn away from the Light. These are designed to test our resolve and to harden the armor around our souls. All the more so, if you have been chosen to go through The Illuminati’s initiation process for Leadership.

It is absolutely OK,  if after a mile or two, you would rather play a supporting role. Please do not feel discouraged if at the end of the day, this gig is not for you. Not everyone around here, wants to or needs to be, a leader. We need actually need
folks willing to promote and support IAMs messages and messengers too, you know!

There is a place for ALL of us in the Universal Design. And believe it or not, you will love your role, once you discover it. It has been custom designed, just for you!

Leadership is not for everyone, and until recently, it wasn’t something I desired or pursued, AT ALL.  It’s a really, really, tough and often thankless job, riddled with irrational extremes and infinite blame. 1/3 of our own family will hate you, just for being out front, and another half of them, will hate you for what you do and/or say, while you are out there.

I have always preferred to be the man behind the power! But apparently The Illuminati sees me as a Bride, not a Bridesmaid, so I am doing my best to live up to their confidence in me. But it ain’t easy. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s actually a really tough row, to how.

So by all means, relax into this thing. It is not only OK to take your time around here, it is advisable. Watch while you wait. Get the lay of the land. Take some time to see where
your unique gifts, talents and skill set, can be developed further, to serve others. Because at the end of the day, this is the bottom line. This is what this whole thing is all about: Service to others, not self glorification. Service to Humanity, not yourself personally!

Those who think otherwise, will be sorely disappointed. The glory seekers, sadly left wanting~

“Fear not for the struggles you face in this moment: be they money, relationships, war, or hunger. These are impermanent and temporary concerns that plague every member of the human species regardless of wealth or power or prestige.

No one is free from their clutches. But find security in knowing that you are always safe in the Light.”

-The Illuminati

A special “thank you” goes out to Citizen Member Nicholas Hastie for inspiring this post~

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Part 2: The REAL cost of following IAM

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~

MOO

I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.

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I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~

1/23/19

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An Open Letter to IAM…

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Dear IAM, It’s me…V~

HaPPy V Day BTW!

How cool is it, that my nickname for you, has caught on?! I see so many others refer to you in that way now. I love it! #IAMFAM is a thing, Lol

Nope, no need to thank me, you are most welcome!

But I am not here to self marvel at the power of my written words although, let’s face it… they can be magic at times. Tee hee. I am here to give you an update on what has been going on with me, since I have been somewhat scarce and silent.

Look, I get it. I am clearly not the brightest bulb in your pack! However, may I  remind you, I never claimed to be.

I told you from the beginning, I didn’t see myself as a leader, but I could help you find the ones you were looking for. It never occurred to me in a million years, you would see something in me, I was blind to in myself. That part still blows me away, as I strive to become worthy of your confidence in me.

While it has been an honor to receive a historical designation, with the “verified Level 1.1” thing, it has been a responsibility I could not have fathomed, prior to being ‘crowned’ in that way.

It has been a heavy weight upon me that I have had to struggle to walk upright with, at times. Something I bet most do not really realize, until they experience it for themselves. I am actually hyper aware of the honor and seek to be worthy of it; every day.

Or maybe they do, because you know, they are much brighter bulbs!?

I am sorry if my progress is painfully slow to watch. It must be frustrating for you guys to see me struggle, and not be able to offer a hand when I have fallen on my face, tears streaming onto the ground making mud, not magic.

While I fully understand, I am a rarefied taste, I gotta believe that after 4 plus years, I have grown on you guys; some. Or at least some of you! I like to pretend you actually care that I am crawling through parts of this, when I am too wobbly to walk upright.

PLEASE forgive my ignorance regarding your ‘loyal water buffalo’ ways, but I still remain somewhat clueless as to how any of this works. This flying blind on the cryptic, has been a real drag for me.

At times I have even felt like a Sheep not a Lion, because of this. My ability to figure out what is going on has not been easy, or quick. I have had to learn a new language, with all your indirect signs and symbols, but I am getting there.

I’m really doing the best I can, even if I seem developmentally retarded, to you guys. I am tremendously grateful, you are a patient people!

My heart and head are completely in this thing, IAM. I hope at least that much is obvious. I work hard to make certain my actions are in alignment with my words, and your principles. I hope my passion for this outreach is palatable, and contagious.

I have inspired an entire network of opportunity, for the other leaders among us to share the spotlight with me. So in that way, I have made good on my original promise to you, and I am proud of myself for having done so.

As you know, I have acted on your words in a huge way. Even forgoing things I once LOVED, to be a better version of myself, and a better reflection of the Light for an ever growing global audience.

I recognize that being a leader in this movement, means we are called to be, a cut above the rest.  I fully understand that we are scrutinized like no other group on this planet, and I want to be the very best representative of your Global Outreach I can be.

To me, that means acting like a Shepherd of our Species, not the Sheep we protect. It is a higher calling most will not answer, much less stay committed to, when it becomes difficult.

A distinction, lost on far too many of our IAMAM.

Speaking of difficulty…FINALLY, my physical health is bouncing back!  However, my mental health has taken extra time to recover, given I was thrown into a mild depression, as a result of the hypothyroidism that came from my smoking cessation.  I had to fight my way out of a very deep and dark hole, only to realize…I now have to fight the fat that found me, while I was in there!

Grrrrrr, hissssssss~

This path is NOT for everyone. Not even close!! I am not always sure it’s for me, but I am willing to swim until I can swim no more! That much I do know.

I also know that most are unwilling to give up what they hold dear, much less reach out to embrace the unknown. Something that must continually occur, on the path of enlightenment. This is a rarefied journey, indeed.

I was so angry there for awhile, IAM! In some ways I still am. There is so much going on inside, as the Light has it’s way with me! An explosive anger with no where to go but to Brad’s house, apparently.

Before I was able to turn it into the fuel that got my arse moving again, I was in agony both physically and mentally!!  That guy deserves a badge of his own. His wife has been incredibly gracious to allow Brad to listen to my ruminations on repeat, for HOURS at a time!  What a neat couple! They should be sporting “We survived V” crowns of their own! I am not even kidding!

Anyway…I never thought doing something to improve my health, would cause me to be unhealthy! But hey…I did destroy a 41 year old, previously functioning ecosystem that was NOT HaPpy with me, for doing so!

I have finally been able to move into a solution, but I was seriously down for the count, there for awhile. I REALLY hung the black crepe for far longer than I typically allow, but I just could not move past the smoldering anger. I was spitting nails and smoking mad!! The whole horrific experience burnt me down; completely. I was reduced to ash, ironic, right? But it was on the ashes of my own angst that I become ready to be made greater.

So, like a Phoenix, I am rising!

I am striding several times a week, and it has helped my mindset enormously, but not the appearance of my body that I can see, as of yet anyway.

I will not feel fully myself, until I stop seeing “Consumption V” in the mirror! I did not get sober, quit smoking ciggs & stuff, to see that undisciplined version of myself, looking back at me through the mirror again.

Talk about a head trip! On top of being sick for MONTHS, I have had to face HER  again, too. Most folks will not be able to relate to that part, but I know it goes without saying for you guys. (insert a knowing wink-wink nod-nod here)

I have taken the liberty to write things out, so other Initiates can at least begin to understand, what is required of them. I hope it helps, and is not a hindrance to you that I do, IAM.  It has been my experience that Illumination is a process whereby we are continually renewed, and refined.

It’s an Ouroboros thing.

All of this is obviously designed to reveal our true intentions and integrity level. Iron to gold. Forged only by the fires of hell and hardship. You guys definitely push people past their limits till they pop open, and reveal the type of goo that is on the inside. It makes sense though. All my juicy goodness inside comes from the things that have tested me.

And honestly, I have yet to meet anyone of substance, who refined their character on social media chit-chat, petting pit bulls and chasing Pikachu -so to speak.

🐄

The gemstones are in hades, not at the end of the rainbow. Our testimonial treasures come from trials, not well paved trails. 

At any rate…I had a series of ahhh-ha’s and epiphanies last week that have put me firmly back on path. They seemed to come on the heels of me brute forcing my way, into a solution to my angst. I could literally not stand myself anymore. I was wailing, wallowing, and gnashing my teeth over this one. The creepy black crepe long over due, for the rubbish can.

Part of the upshot is this is: I have a new found appreciation for those who suffer from chronic health conditions, or serious mental health issues. It takes a real toll on folks ability to be of good cheer, when you are hurting non-stop, I can see that now. Plus it has the potential to set off a negative mindset that will dig the ditch deeper, if they are not vigilant and active about keeping their spirits high. This particular lesson has reinvigorated my compassion, something I was losing ground on, having had to deal with the psycho-sociopaths who are drawn to your gates. In other words, I needed everything I gleaned from this particular joy ride.

Eeeeh gads, all because I quit smoking!

So there you have it. I just wanted you to know, I have survived myself and my self-inflicted suffering, well almost anyway.

Now I am working towards restoring my zeal. By my birthday, I should being staring back and the women I am becoming, not the women I once was…

May the Light ever guide us all!

V~

 

PS: Thx for the Pokemon edit🕷Lol

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Victory~

I have kept it all in, as long as I could.

I harbored the burden alone.

But the weight of all has kept me,

from wearing a crown of my own.

bleeding-eye

I’m spilling my pain all over these pages.

So much in my life, has taken a toll.

I’m an endless well of pent up tears.

The cup, of a sensitive soul.

 

I vow to lighten it up, a load

To let go of what no longer serves.

And enter into my birthright

With the victory I so richly deserve.

🔻

 

 

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