Archive for the ‘Change’ Category

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How in the world I recently circled back on myself, is beyond me. However I do blame the Illuminati, for blowing on the embers of my soul.  Their unseen winds, igniting a fire within that is burning much more fiercely, than it existed in its original state. I cannot possibly express my gratitude for this process, and the walk I have taken through the underworld, to reach deeper into the mysteries of myself. I can see now, I have been ceaselessly guided by the Light of those, who are ALWAYS watching out for us.

Having returned from hell, far too many times to count, I have finally arrived back onto the path that has been designed especially for me. And the cool thing is guys, you all have one of your own unique, design. It has been engineered especially for you too!

This is what I have learned about my role in this theater, we call life…

I embody the 3rd definition of Evangelism. And the 6th definition of Evangelist! (air quotes)
(Source: dictionary.com)
#3: missionary zeal, purpose, or activity~
#6: a person marked by evangelical enthusiasm for or support of any cause~

Or perhaps it’s more accurate to state that this energy embodies me!

Allow me to be more specific, since evangelism came out of the Protestant Movement, and I since have consciously rejected the Gods of Men…let’s just say, the word needed some tweaking to evolve it. So…I have come up with my own definition, that I feel is more precise, for me personally. It is more in alignment with who I truly am, by design. I know there are others out there like me, so it’s to them that I humbly dedicate & submit this new term, for public use.

I AM an #EvangeLight!!

Yep~

That’s it.

And I’m practicing for the day that my voice will have more reach. Because I know folks are hurting & lost in spiritual confusion, at a time in our history, where a more rational and logical vision, is desperately needed in the mix.

Too many of us have defaulted to escapism, sorcery &  salacious animalistic instincts, to deny, distract or avoid the distress of a world in painful transition. Even to the casual observer, not yet fully awake -we as a species seem to be experiencing a collective form of insanity.

Growing numbers of us, are beginning to realize, we’ve  been surrounded by lies. We’ e been dummied down & our potentials enslaved.  We can feel it, even if we cannot give words to it.

But deep down, in all this crazy & chaos, there IS something more. We know something is out there, or at least around here somewhere!  We can sense that it’s bigger than the both of us. And it surely seems to have ALL of us, surrounded!

I have been called to help activate the fires within those, who are destined to rise from the ashes of a dying old world order. Bottom line human family, religion as we have known it, will perish. And out of the embers, the glowing truth will remain. Between here and there, it will get hot & chaotic, as we collectively face the hell of our own creation, first. It ain’t gonna be pretty, so we need to hold hands here, as we struggle through our collective process. The Phoenix will surely rise, of that, there can be no sustainable doubt. The growing pains WILL be worth it. They will labor, to bring forth new life.

There is much to do, and a long way to go, before the Light reaches it’s apex. Religion will not go quietly. In-spite of its control mechanism & eventual corruption, it was a necessary part of our evolutionary design.  And we need to respect the role it has played In our development. Our spiritual infancy & teenage years were fashioned by religions repressive reach. However, it ALL works together in the long haul. We are ever expanding creatures, despite how it looks from our limited points of view. In the grand scheme of things, we got this. We are not designed to remain stagnant, nor have we truly ever been. Regardless of what traditionalists will tell us.

I want to help you guys see things from a broader perspective, and in doing so much of your personal spirit led journey, might come into clearer focus. Perhaps in a way, you might not see coming! Although it has been there, unchanged all along. The Alpha & the Omega, that Grand Architect of All. All we have to do, is agree upon a name. Plus some common denominators. Because it has many of each. It will become crystal clear going forward, why we call this particular energetic & creative divine mind, the Light. And my purpose, is to help folks find & follow it.

If you’re reading this, and have not followed me as of yet, I invite you to join my emerging inner evangeLight, as she she gears up, to go global.

The Age of enLightenment is dawning. It’s time we build a new spiritual foundation in which we may grow spiritually towards the Light together, individually and as one. Our common denominator is the Light. We must make this simple truth, our earthquake proof foundation. There is strength in numbers -magnified power, where 2 or more are gathered.

Our spiritual unification is not only our destiny, it is our birthright! It is time we inherit the love, harmony, joy, innovation, creativity, abundance and the magnificent order, that goes along with it.

Thank you for your precious time guys!! Have a wonderful week!

iVyTaroc~
EvangeLight

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~

MOO

I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.

ouroboros

I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~

1/23/19

Symbiosis~

Posted: February 4, 2019 in Change, FYI, Light

Symbiosis: a mutually beneficial relationship between different people or groups who hold opposing point of view or beliefs.

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This is another excellent example of the symbiotic relationship between the Light and the dark.

Did you know, the Poinsettia’s folks love so much during the winter, only turn color by being exposed to the dark? Otherwise, they would remain commonly green. This gorgeous and symbolic plant, needs both the Light and the dark, to be uncommonly colorful. They literally have to be kept in total darkness for an extended period of time, in order to turn a magnificent red.

Google says: From October 1 to December 1, (or for at least 40 days) a poinsettia will need a strict light / dark regimen to produce color. Provide 13 to 16 hours of complete and uninterrupted darkness daily.

Anything TRULY beautiful, has been exposed to the dark, in order to become so.

Let that sink in, and water your roots Beacons!

 

Good God!

Posted: January 17, 2019 in Beliefs, Change, Spirituality
Tags: , , ,

Good God!

(moo)

Do we ever need some new spiritual leadership on this planet!

Shepherds who are able to bring some damn logic to the table, and not just prey on the emotions of hurting humans!

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O.M.G I can hardly stand it!

I am so sick of being on the sidelines, watching folks with dysfunctional spiritually, lead others astray!! Some of our spiritual world leaders spew categorical bullshit, while others are nothing but nefarious bright shadows, posing as Light.

I am of the belief that there are some incredible Shepherds out there, who are awesome examples of their faith, and I absolutely applaud them. However, the bulk of our pastors are preaching outrageous lies that should no longer be tolerated by a sane, 21st century populace.

Plus the blatant hypocrisy!

O.M.G

The disconnect is profound, when the guy in the mansion, driving a Rolls Royce, hands out platitudes about feeding the poor that he does not follow behind the scenes. Or how about the guy handing out marital advice, when he hasn’t ever been married, and can’t to be a Priest! That is the height of ridiculous to me!!

Folks should strive to practice what they preach!

Period, no exceptions or you shouldn’t be allowed to advise.

The thing that really bothers me the most, is far too many ‘spiritual leaders’ actively prey on the emotions of their flock. It is an effective form of manipulation, used by those with hidden agendas. In this case, they employ this strategy, to get at our pocket books. They should actually want to get into our heads, not just our hearts. We should be changing minds, not shaking them down, for their loose change!

It is no surprise, the Millennial’s are leaving traditional organized religions in droves. It does not suit their ‘devil may care’ attitudes, as they aggressively push the envelope, on what is acceptable in a civilized society.  They are the ones, who have ripped the door off the closet, which was opened by their parents in the mid 1900’s. These guys can smell BS from 50 paces!! And thank the gods for that! I am really glad they are here.

Typically, when folks flee any given direction, they head directly to the opposite end of the pool, to no less of an extreme. So in that way, Satanism, Luciferianism and ego based esoteric philosophies, are on the rise. Don’t misunderstand, there are elements in all ideologies worth embracing, but we need to move past strict categorization and into the ecumenical inclusion. We need to explore all kinds of options, invite science into the equation and cobble together our own line of thinking that is always open to evolving as we learn more.

All manner of spiritual advice can be beneficial, there is indeed a ‘crystal thread’ that runs throughout it all. However, it’s knowing when to pause and when to push through on our path that truly makes our spiritual journeys enlightening. While I often speak of the crystal thread that runs through and binds it all, too many stop and linger on that which tickles their fancy, rather than reaching beyond the box, and heeding the constant call that beckons on, to a higher place. A place where logic and reason lives side by side, with empathy and compassion. A place where the divine is recognized, in all things. A place where the math can prove all things ontological.

Lately, the organized criminal activity of the Catholic Church is coming into focus*. The pedophilia that has been allowed to flourish within the Vatican walls, should disgust every human on this planet! Unfortunately, the faithful have been programed to forgive and turn the other cheek on the organized criminal predatory practices of the church. This diabolical institution and those like it, MUST be wiped from the face of humanity with a vengeance, in order for us to grow spiritually as a species. The time is coming, when we will face down what has been done in the shadows and bring it to reconciliation, with the Light.

Our spiritual practices must find a better way to meet the needs of struggling humans. I’m talking in the trenches reprogramming and education that serves folks in practical and spiritually revolutionary ways. Information that points a correct mindset that facilitates change, if applied. Hand holding is only effective when picking someone up, who has stumbled. To really help support change, we much show the way to walk upright through life unaided, by example. Think of the old adage, teach a man to fish. Hand feeding him makes him dependent on goodwill which always has limits and often hidden agendas. We should want our species to be self-sufficient spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Coddling is crippling when it is permanent. While temporary assistance is helpful, permanent reliance on others, is counter-productive and potentially harmful. 

We all must find our own way through the hardships and hurdles we face in life. They are designed to strengthen our moral resolve and harden the armors around our soul. When we do not allow humans the dignity of overcoming, we erode their sense of self and teach them to be reliant on others, for their advancement. I believe it’s time we encourage folks to find the Light within, not look towards others, solely for their spiritual sustenance. We all have a built in navigation system and it is preferable to teach people how to find it and use it, rather than making them dependent on the local guru, for directions.

Each path is unique. Often our one size fits all advice, does not fit the circumstances being faced by a one of a kind human. Ultimately, only we know what is right for us. Our spiritual leaders should be educating folks on how to rely on their own innate intuitions and wisdom, to course set, or course correct. When we are not taught to tie our own shoes, we are robbed of the self-esteem that comes with the accomplishment, of learning to do it for ourselves. Spiritual independence should be the norm. Not reliance on those who have mastered this for themselves. It weakens humanity when we do not support our victories and chose to celebrate the victimized.

We must find a way to achieve a sacred balance. We must know when helping, is actually a hindrance instead. Bailing people out, is not always the most humane thing to do for them.

There is a time to support and a time to suggest.

There is a time to encourage and a time to tough love educate.

There is a time to rush in and a time to relinquish the crutches.

There is a time to feed and a time to teach how to plant.

There is a time to embrace and a time to let go.

Each in their season, each serving us perfectly in their own way. We must recognized the difference and apply each with love and empathy.

 

So if you have heard “The Calling”, for God’s sake ANSWER IT!!

*We will be discussing their criminal activity during our global conversation on Pedophilia and Sex Slavery & Trafficking coming soon to iMark Radio.

WARNING: This might bum ya out, before it boosts ya up~

This is for everyone who is struggling to survive right now. My intent is not to self glorify, but to use my experience as an example, to illustrate the REAL cost of following the Illuminati. It is meant to inspire and encourage those of you, who find yourself in the fires of refinement right now. Believe it or not, it is a fantastic sign!

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Beyond the bullshit, superficial, made for TV marketing, about how the Illuminati has “changed my life forever”, there lies another story underneath that I would like to share with you.

Know that I absolutely mean it when I publicly declare that my life has changed in every way possible since I met them, because it has.

DRAMATICALLY.

However it has come at a tremendous price for me, without ever once paying a fee, or offering a donation, to The Illuminati.  I wasn’t even scammed before finding them. So no losses there either. The cost was not a financial one per se, even though I have willingly and HaPpily paid for documents, dangles, and domains too, since I have known of them.

Actually, I payed a much greater price than most will understand, until they have properly paid the price for themselves. The cost is unique to everyone who participates. Although I wholeheartedly and enthusiastically encourage everyone to consider mentally, and emotionally, ‘funding’ it, regardless of how painful.

Let me explain before you panic…

This is the straight skinny, for those who are just getting started with The Illuminati and are thinking this thing is a complete, cake walk. It is important for folks to get the full flavor here, not just as a point of warning, but as a prelude to some wonderful inspiration to follow.

I think it is imperative folks understand what they are taking on here, because no one gave me a heads up. I had to find out the hard way. Those who have participated in other “loyal water buffalo” lodges, do not need to read any further. You got this. You guys already know the score. But for many of us, this whole entire gig is uncharted territory, and it is to those who are as ignorant as I was, that this is written. I am hoping to demystify the process, while underscoring the personal cost, validating what is happening to you, and verifying for certain, it is all truly worth it!

The first year is what I called the ‘courting period’. It was absolute magnificence in motion. I went from strength to strength effortlessly, as if by magic. We were still dating then, IAM and I. There was something familiar about them from the moment we met. I thought they were terrific, (although it did not stop me from doing a background check on them)! I needed time to research this group and determine whether I was being duped; again. I had so many doubts. I was not certain right away that they were “the one”, although something deep inside kept trying to convince me they were, despite their sometimes sketchy appearance.  Even though the doubts were often overwhelming for me at times, I still showed up, sharing their links, while anxiously waiting to learn more.

I started with them before the First Testament even came out, and there was certainly no jewelry in those early days. That came later in our ‘relationship’. Even so, it was all kinds of marvelous that first year. Illuminatiam was released, which I loved for so many reasons! It actually helped me make sense of my doubts. I would read it everytime I got sideways, to confirm doubting was normal and expected.

In real life, I was gifted a car, because a girlfriend didn’t like me riding my scooter anymore. I was gifted an eye procedure, to help with my ‘vision’. I got a terrific new job that I adored, which suited me perfectly. It was generally a GREAT year. Even the Illuminati sent me (and others) a red iron talisman, in recognition of our loyal marketing contributions to their movement. Heck, I was even called “Princess” directly by them and added to the Princess and Distinguished List, within the first few months of meeting them. Yep…there were all kinds of little wins, and wonders that first year. Far to many to recount.  Even with all my doubts, I was no doubt, falling in love with the mysterious Illuminati.

The whole movement, was a whirlwind of excitement for me. The dark waters that I had been swimming in personally, had been stirred by the sunshine that was casting it’s warm glow on the surface. While the fires within me had yet to be lit, the Illuminati was standing there with the matches, as I began drying out from the murky waters I had been residing in. I had become so stagnant and dreamless, I couldn’t even imagine where to go on vacation, had the funding appeared in the mail!

It would be fully accurate to say hope had returned, and things were definitely on the rise that very first year, after meeting The Illuminati. Reading Illuminatiam really got my mind moving again. Although I can’t explain how, exactly. It just did.

 I had been hiding out for years, and I knew it. It was literally as if, IAM found me. Not the other way around. So to merely say I am grateful to The Illuminati, is an colossal understatement. It rings hollow compared to how I feel about them.

Even with the afterglow, from a year of positive changes still upon me, I had not professed loyalty. I let the others do all that, with their instant unshakable, untouchable, Hail to the Light, declarations. I do not hand my loyalty out like candy. I reserve it for the precious few, that have actually earned it. Just as in real life, I am a slow sell, even if I am close to you.

It took me about a year and a half to move into a place, where I was able to feel anything akin, to permanent and dependable devotion. Although I was faithful during discovery, I was by no means ready to ‘marry’ these guys. I took the warning at the end of Illuminatiam VERY seriously, and was not yet willing to be “obedient” to a shadowy group, I could not see. I was concerned they could possibly be some kind of dark brightness, and not from the Light. So I needed more time and grade with them, to figure it out. Even though they had been showing up in a positive manner throughout my research into other interests, I was still unsure if THIS, was THAT historical group. I needed to be convinced (as humanly possible), before I signed on fully, and committed my mind, heart and soul, to this movement.

On or around the time I finally whispered I was loyal to them publicly, (a subtlety lost on most onlookers), but not on the IAM; a radical shift seemed to occur. My fiery decent into two (and counting) years of hell, began in earnest. It was almost as if, the Illuminati thought…loyal eh….?  Let’s see if you REALLY mean that, V.

The shift in my luck, started with a shit ton of loss. Specifically things were dying around me, in more ways that one. I had 4 dragons die on me, in the first 6 months of that period. I lost 2 long term girlfriends. One after 13 years for petty reasons, the other after 15 years, for differing penchants.

My 20 year marriage did not survive the Illuminati, nor did some of my more casual associations. The second year I watched helplessly from a far, as my mom had her stints replaced and her pacemaker upgraded.

I could not be there, when my baby bro had a pacemaker of his own installed, and was diagnosed with Down’s related Alzheimer’s and abruptly placed in foster care, at 52. I lost that fabulous job I was thriving in, when the company eliminated the position state wide. I was forced into a job I hated, just to survive, and faced unexpected harassment I believed was Illuminati related -which landed me in a unforeseen, no pay-time out, because well…why not?

I was in Hades.

And I needed time to cry, I guess. A lot.

Even though I landed a new job and was mysteriously paid, for my ‘non-paid leave’ (which kept me from drowning financially), my savings were completely drained as a result. As was the security I felt, knowing I had back up for a rainy day. I was truly at rock bottom. Or so I thought. Apparently, Hades has an elevator and many levels!

Then, the much anticipated Members Portal opened. What should have been, (and temporarily was), an exciting time in my Illuminati life, quickly descended into stress and grief, beyond my previous ability to fathom.

What fresh hell was this exactly?

Being singled out as the first Initiate in history to level up, and become “verified”, was a distinction not lost on me what-so-ever. Even if I did not understand it, I was so proud of that! It was truly the most important and incredible honor of my entire freaking lifetime!! Primarily because I already had an elementary understanding, of the historical significance of this secretive group, and I had at least an inkling, of what a rarefied honor it was, to be chosen out of almost a million followers.

I was not someone who came to the Illuminati via a hand gesture, on an album cover or a taco bell commercial. I had heard, read and seen the rumors, over the years, so I knew of them. But I did not really ‘know’ THEM. So I wasn’t about to judge without a lot more data. Since I had been the victim of unsubstantiated rumors as a teenager myself, (and even now) I just didn’t buy into the hysteria or hype.

I was actually quite content, thinking there was a hidden hand out there watching out for humanity. I never once thought to track them down. I actually did not think girls were allowed in the “Brotherhood”, anyway. So when I, (a gal) was singled out,  it was the biggest fucking deal EVER to me! It should be to every women out there, really. However, it was a move that clearly pissed off some Initiates right out of the gate, especially the men who erroneously still think of women, as possessions.

So what was truly a legendary and historical distinction, quickly became a horrifying ‘Mark of Cain’, so to speak.

I would quickly learn: A Crown is indeed, seated with thorns.

That is how it stays on your head, when the uninformed masses, seek to remove it from you, by force. What the King Makers do not tell you, is it also comes with a target. You are instantly hated by at least a 3rd of the people in your own community. A hate so full of vitriol, it absolutely drowns out any ego that might rear it’s ugly head, in a vain attempt to rock and rule, as a result of being crowned. The voices of dissent, indeed keep dictators at bay. Not that I was inclined to become one; anyway.

I now found myself hated by my Light “family”,  simply because of a blue check by my name. In time, via missteps of my own, I would give others a reason to hate me, as well.  All the things I was trying to accomplish to unite folks and help other Initiates, was lost on those who did not understand why I was chosen. They had zero compassion for my learning curve and that I was being developed into a leader, completely out loud and in a highly public venue.

I literally lost half of my hair volume during the first three months the Portal was open. My growing angst kept me from performing well in my new job, so I lived in constant fear I was going to lose it, and have to start looking for another one again. I couldn’t confide in my family, because they did not understand what I was going through, at all. Plus, the ancient emotional hairball I yakked up on my Mom (out of freaking nowhere) during a family vacation, did not help matters either. I assure you.

When I finally started making friendships with other initiates, I was elated! I finally had folks to talk to, that were on the same page I was on…or so I thought.

I honestly thought, those who wanted to be my friend were sincere, only to learn that social status, attracts those who want to be associated with IT, not the person who earned it. I also learned (the hard way) that folks who say they follow the Light, often have hidden agendas that are anything but, enlightened.

The words I struggled the most with, from The First Testament of the Illuminati, proved to be the shocking truth. TRUST NO ONE. Not fully.

I was getting a crash course in rational reality 101. My world view was taking a huge hit. The bubble of positivism I tried desperately to live in, had been popped, the remains of which, are still floating in the wind somewhere.

As hard as all of this was for me to take in, every bit of it has been designed to harden the armor around my gooey, soft-hearted, overly optimistic soul. I have developed true empathy for high profile folks, now that I have experienced infamy in the IAMFAM community myself. Regardless if you like what any given ‘celebrity’ represents, they have at least earned the right to be respected to some degree, in my opinion. One needs some serious balls, to stand out in our society. We are a tough crowd to WIN OVER!

So yeah…following the Illuminati will indeed change your life forever! However, it WILL cost ya…

BIG TIME!

This process will challenge every relationship you have, and every belief you hold dear. It will penetrate your soul in ways, you will not see coming -no matter how skilled you are at navigating life, before hand. The process will ask you to give things up, add things in, dig deeper and reach higher, than you ever thought you possible for you. This process will find your buried flaws through hidden cracks, and shine a Light on the deepest, darkest parts of you.

It is called initiation, Initiates. And it’s truly unbridled & beautiful hell!

Unfortunately, not all of us who have started the process, will make it through the character defining hardships, obstacles and roadblocks that have been set up to keep anything less than human excellence, from entering the halls of greatness.

I do not know, if I have what it takes to ever be a full ranking member. But I truly do not care anymore. I know that I have already been changed forever, in the most meaningful and everlasting ways. I know without a doubt, that I have become a better version of myself, which will serve me, well past the grave.

I have been burnt down, raised up and cast into the fires of refinement so many times in the last 2 .5 years, in many ways I am unrecognizable to myself. But I love this new and improved, sparkly version of V!

I have been literally set aflame, by the matches held by the Illuminati themselves. I mean, how cool it THAT?

It doesn’t matter if I ever see in the inside of this Pyramid, or the infamous White Room…I can clearly see the incredible changes on the inside of me, and I like em’. All of these growing pains, will indeed serve my soul, as I make my way through the rest of my life.

My eternal gratitude and loyalty, is not enough to repay The Illuminati, for allowing me the opportunity to be tested by them, regardless of the end result. It has been truly a privilege, I still cannot even believe, I am actually participating in!! Everyone needs to understand what an honor it is, just to apply!

This is a brilliant road and a breathless journey that anyone who wants to, is invited to travel. Although…This path is NOT for everyone. But what you gain as a result of the refinement process, is priceless.

So if you find yourself in hell. And life is coming at you six ways to Sunday, from every possible angle…When you think you can take no more and that you are drowning…PLEASE

keep swimming!

It is totally worth it, once you are out of the deep end of the pool.

I PROMISE!!

There is pure, unfiltered sunshine, on the shores that beckon just ahead, my friends!! Know that your temporary hardships are merely indicators that you are actually on the right path, and that you are being groomed for something greater, dear Beacons~

PS: This will be updated with a Part 2 in the coming weeks, as I am still in initiation~

9/6/2018

It’s Time~

Posted: September 1, 2018 in Change, Illuminatiam, Leadership, Unity
Tags: , ,

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Dear Initiates of the Illuminati,

As many of you are aware, I have not been active on Council 22 since January, when Richard Scherer aka Papa Fred, took the helm. Although I was always available for consultation, while serving on the Apex Advisory Board.

Earlier this week, I resigned from all things c22/Apex to focus my full attention on iMARK and me. It’s time for me to move on. It was never my intention at inception, to volunteer in this capacity, indefinitely. 

This project, was never a throne built for my own glory, regardless of rumor. Rather it was a platform created to share the glaring spotlight that was placed on me, when the Members Portal opened, and I temporarily received distinctions, others did not.

c22 was always meant to be a living demonstration of unity, and what is possible when leaders from all walks of life, work together on a common goal. The  pyramid itself, was designed to be an example, of the ideals taught by IAM in the First Testament of the Illuminati. 

The current leadership, under the direction of Christine Ingraham aka Nikki Cee, is the best incarnation that I have witnessed since it’s inception, and because of this particular Capstone crew, which includes Brad Adams and Petros Regos, plus Papa leading Apex, I feel completely confident leaving this pyramid building project, in their capable hands. This current Capstone is truly exceptional, and will continue to serve their fellow Initiates, in the spirit in which Council 22 was inspired, created and maintained.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has volunteered to serve c22 past and present! No contribution by our members has been insignificant, and many have been remarkable examples for others to follow.

Thank you all, for your amazing support, encouragement guidance, and yes….vicious criticisms of me personally.  I am truly thankful for every voice that helped shape my leadership style. It was no easy task to be developed into a leader, in a such a public venue. But it serves as a lesson of it’s own, to the ever watchful.

A crown indeed, is seated with thorns!

Regardless of where my path takes me from here, I will always look back on this part of my journey, with pride of accomplishment and in thankful gratitude, for the often painful lessons learned along the way! It was one hell of a ride Yo’s~

HaPpy Trails #IAMfam!

iVy Taroc aka V~

Edit to add. Technically I was told I cannot leave Apex. However I can have an INACTIVE status, Hehe.

Thx Brad🕷

Mouthy~

Posted: May 12, 2018 in Change, Humanity

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🐄

Posted: April 14, 2018 in Beliefs, Change, Co-Creation, Free Speech, Humanity, Unity

Respect is way too subjective

🐄Disrespect, less so🐄

Perhaps we could at least, nip the disrespect thing in the bud?

If we could simply agree to celebrate our points of view, without crucifying those who’s viewpoints seemingly stands in contrast -inspiration & understanding will thrive.

🐄

Thanks for the inspiration 🦉 of Tulbure

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There is sooooooooo much to consider!!

Like this stuff!

Enjoy Beacons!!

 

SOURCE changes~

Posted: February 22, 2018 in Change

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Up until now, the bulk of what I have blogged about here on SOURCE, has largely been of an experiential nature.

I was hoping that sharing my situations and struggles, my feelings and emotions, would help others find the ability to view hardships, in another Light. Everything has a season, and pain is an unavoidable part of the human condition. However, how we view these things, changes everything, even how we view our traumas. I do think though, I have driven this point home enough for now.

While I will continue to write from this place periodically, I am moving into away from simple inspiration and into more thought provoking commentary. I am after all, a rational thinker and I am wanting to show more of this part of myself, to my Very FaVorites!

As far as I am concerned, there is a war going on, for our thought life. I am no longer willing to hold my tongue, on matters of extreme importance.

I sure hope you guys can hang with me, as I move into more provocative material!!  You can expect more commentary regarding world events and the issues that effect us all, going forward.

As always, I appreciate your time and I am grateful for those of you who support my efforts. Heck, I am even grateful for those who do not, as their vile protest of my existence, drives traffic and interest my way.

I thank you ALL from the bottom of my pea-pickin’ heartbone!! Now….buckle UP!

V~

 

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I invite you all to deeply consider Our Globalist Agenda. We are going to have to make choices, about the evolutionary direction of humanity~

https://illuminati.am/globalist-agenda/

#TeamIlluminati #LightLed

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The storms are so close, you can smell them now.
We must gather too~
It’s time to shine the Light upon, everything we do~

🔻

True Power~

Posted: January 3, 2018 in Balance, Change, Co-Creation
Tags: , ,

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I am intentionally striving to stay out of global narratives. It has become a theater of the insane, for those of us who value logic & rationality in human relationships and government. We have seemingly become an extremely bi-polar people, without any real power of our own, and it is hard to watch folks struggle in this categorical nonsense.

We are so out of balance, if the Light wasn’t working overtime to compensate, darkness would devour us all. The cosmic balance of divine duality, is the perfect environment for free will. However, it seems like we have willed ourselves onto 2 edges, forgetting all the choices in between, each pole. All those yummy gray areas that I and others, prefer to inhabit. The center of the boat, to the Illuminati.

I cannot comprehend the viciousness of our species. Man’s inhumanity to man is so awful, it is hard for me to relate to my own kind sometimes. Our willingness to kill each other, when we don’t get our own way, is beyond disturbing. It is straight up, diabolical. And we should be ashamed of ourselves for such a character flaw.

I realize we have been taught competition at all cost,  but is cooperating, collectivism, with a dash of competitiveness our natural inclination? Who exactly is responsible for dividing us? Why are we constantly being programmed with materialism and mental slavery? Who does that serve? As they say…follow the money. Who profits from such a society?

The way I see it, primarily nefarious MEN (sorry boys) are largely responsible for what we have become. Women were not allowed to participate until very recently, and certainly not worldwide, even now. This patriarchal dominance has been to the determent of our species.

Enslaving the visionary and intuitive female, has resulted in a species so off of center, we must correct it immediately, or suffer the larger consequences of this ongoing incongruity. Suppressing the talents & gifts of fully half our species, has resulted in a civilization on the verge of ruin, due to this outrageous disharmony. We must get upright on this one. And by upright, I do not mean celebrating boys who have become girls, over the top of organic goddesses!

This world is made possible via our thoughts. Hence, there is continual competition for our thought life.  Make no mistake , those in high places, understand our true creative nature. They know we co-create what we THINK about. This is how we are “controlled”. They are dictating what we think. From all freaking sides too. They seek to create their own agenda, using the same powers that are dormant within us. This is easily accomplished via the media. I find it preposterous, that we even PAY for this indoctrination. Yep, via your cable bill!
So yes, chaos & fear does ‘seem’ to reign from every direction….when you turn your attention to it, that is. The same can be said of order, peace & love.
The truth is, where your heart is, your treasure resides.
What you focus on… is truly what you will “see”.
If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data to support your theory.  If you “see” the world as waking UP, to a new way of being, the same principle applies. So it is super important, to watch what we allow into our data center.
Our world is a magnificent multidimensional experience. Everything from hell to heaven, is possible here. It is one of the reasons why we have come here. To “experience” this co-creative opportunity. To fully immerse ourselves, in the gooey creative juices of matter, so we can FEEL stuff. Our senses are pure magic, but they surely can be deceptive. If we could just suspend our prior disbelief, and look around objectively, it is easy to see the basics of what is unfolding. And how we can very easily turn the tide.
The true magic here is, everything in existence, is being created by our chaotic collective consciousness, while simultaneously, being gently directed towards order, by the unseen hand of Divine Light & Reason,
We have the power to co-create this place into heaven on Earth, if we all would only realize, who really holds the power on this planet, and stop giving ours away, to those who do not have our best interests in mind. You know, the ones you love to hate, on that telly of yours.
Monsters love the dark. One flip of the Light switch, and they will flee~

Most people know deep in their heart of hearts, this is an unsustainable way of being.  They long for saviors to bail us out of this mess. The truth is though, nothing of the kind is coming. REPEAT. No one is coming to “save” us! In fact, believing as much, is counter-productive to our growth. If folks just realized how magnificent this planet would be, by simply returning to balance, they would be amazed to see Heaven on Earth HERE.

We must take responsibly for what we have allowed to occur, and make the course corrections needed, to navigate our way to calmer waters. And we must do it en mass, immediately~

Girl Power!!

Posted: December 29, 2017 in Balance, Change, Healing, Power
Tags: , ,
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Girl Power~
Exploring the Goddess & the coming “Bride” of Light~
Inherent in every female; is a Goddess so supernaturally powerful, that alpha-men unconsciously seek to crush her, before she is able to inhabit this magnificent force.
I am sick to death of hearing about the age old slavery trade, when historically WOMEN are the most abused, violated & enslaved humans on the planet. How we have over looked this, is beyond me. Even now, men who become women, are elevated above those who are biologically However; the Divine Feminine is now finally on the rise, to take her rightful seat on the throne, next to her partner.
Earth provides a string of history’s, almost all of which have been dominated by males for the past 10,000 years. You don’t need me to spell that out to you.  Just look around, my lady! Far too many of us are not free to chose our own paths.
We are a collective culture seriously out of balance. Even though new & promising archeological  research suggests, ancient Egypt & even the Amazon, might have been organized by women, there is yet to be concrete empirical evidence of women led civilizations that we can emulate or revere.
Perhaps we lost our place of reverence long ago, when men figured out where babies come from? Lol
However, there are a few examples on a smaller scale, of societies led by the matriarchy.

“From this cursory view of women-run societies, some fundamental differences from predominantly male-run communities become pretty clear. Most strikingly, these cultures appear to have quite a different view of ownership than the one that dominates in Western culture today — a far greater emphasis is placed on communal participation than in societies run by men, which tend to be more hegemonic. Children, for example, belong to the whole community rather than to a single family, and land is shared instead of partitioned off”

I for one, would like to know what is like, to live under such leadership. But perhaps they too, lacked balance? Maybe that is why, the masculine energy rose up against us? Regardless, I am waiting to see what the future holds, as the sexes begin to cooperate in harmony. I think the mere restoration of balance, will look like heaven on earth once we have stabilized.

Sooooo…Wake up and “groom” my Sisters!!
It is time to Rise & Shine my Bride!
It is time to take our rightful seat, at the head of the banquet table.
Remember you are A Bride,  not a shamed mistress!!
And never, EVER a whore!!
(to be continued)

See?

Posted: December 29, 2017 in Change, Oneness, Power, Unity
Tags: , , ,
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If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data, to support your theory.
If you “see” the world as waking up to a new way of living in the Light, one that includes abundance for all, the same principle applies.
There is continual competition for our thought life. As Mike Dooley frequently reminds us, “Thoughts are Things”! Choose your wisely.
Always for be mindful that those in high places, understand the power of thought-based creation perfectly. They seek to manifest their own agenda, through media based mind control, using the very same powers that are dormant within all of  us. Powers WE can use also, to unify and manifest the course correction, humanity has been screaming for, for centuries.
WE are the ones will the real power. We are the ones who can and will change this planet and the way people relate to one another. There are far more of us, than there are of “them”. So it would not take that many of us waking up to this realization, to effect the change we are seeking. All we must do, is reclaim our power, and work together to envision a new world order. One that is inclusive, rational, tolerant, compassionate and Light filled~

Majority rules, eh?

Posted: December 29, 2017 in Change, Heaven, Humanity, Light, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

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Lake Powell Arizona

 

How is it, that fractal parts of our society are allowed to steer the masses?

How is it…in a Democracy, where the majority is suppose to be the ruling voice, must the masses now bow down, to the special interests of a fractal few?

Why is the whole class being punished, because of one disruptive child?

Why do we allow, one bad apple, to spoil our whole bunch?

Why would we dummy ourselves down, to our lowest common denominator?

This mentality is not sustainable. Furthermore, it’s in for a huge correction.

Any species that pans to the weakest, will not survive the long run, much less evolve. I don’t see lions out in the wild, elevating the weakest of their pride. Or birds revering, the ones who cannot fly.

As critical thinking mammals, we must find our balance. We must make critical evaluations of ourselves and adjust accordingly. We must define ourselves by our best & brightest, not our most challenged, dysfunctional OR corrupt!  We must find a way to be compassionately inclusive of all, while elevating merited exceptionalism…

Or why strive? Why even bother…

I suspect the reason we all subconsciously find our culture so repulsive in its current state, is because it goes against everything written on the blueprint of our souls. We are all here  to become the best versions of ourselves that we can become. To reach our individual potentials. We have a culture that not only sends repressive mixed messages, about what we really are capable if,as a people…our children are actively taught in a way, that works against their innate will to power, or our divine right to strive & thrive.

From governmental education to oppressive religious ideologies, we are all guilty of crucifying potential.

It must stop!

We simply cannot continue on this current trajectory and survive ourselves. Our planet, our people, are not living in harmony. But we will be. I can promise you that much.

We are being called to higher vibrational ground, and it is imperative that we answer this call, in order to flourish. We simply cannot move forward, without a radical change in our world view, one that comes from a higher vantage point. Those with spiritual eyes, can already see, that what is not yet visible, to the common man. Thankfully, there are those already on planet, to assist with our metamorphosis. We are the ones who will lead us out of the shadows and into the sunshine. We are doing everything humanly possible, to wake folks up, but unfortunately, we are still considered the crazy ones among us. However, this is going to change also, as we move deeper into the now dawning, Age of Enlightenment. What has been valued, will fall away, and what is truly valuable, will emerge and take it’s proper place in our collective lives.

This is why, the storms must come. Nature will take it’s course and correct the imbalance. I would like to see us open our minds, to new ways of moving forward on a global level. I truly believe that the coming storms will wash away what has not been working, and usher in a sparkly new way to view ourselves, and our future as a species. I look forward to the hardship. Even though there will be upheaval and chaos for a season, I anxiously await the treasures that we will find, in weathering the things that must come.

Please remember, as we head into a season of uncomfortable darkness, that this too will pass. The coming chaos WILL give way, to the higher order we so desperately need, to survive and evolve. The balance will return with the Light, and this place will be a kind of heaven on earth, comparatively. Only then, will the majority be restored to sanity, balance, and logic, after centuries of disharmony. Listen to the clarion call of the Light within. It will guide you through the coming times of unrest. I promise you all here and now…stasis will return my friends, and we WILL enter back into, our birthright.

If you are familiar with the Tarot:
It’s akin to a fool’s journey into the underworld, in order to gain enlightenment ~

Fake it, till you make it!

Posted: December 20, 2017 in Beliefs, Change, FYI
Tags: ,

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This age old expression, actually taps into what we in the modern world, have come to know about manifesting, without actually knowing it is a way of manifestation.
It is about telling yourself the right lies, so your brain will be reprogrammed to do you bidding. Not unlike what your television is doing right now.
At first, I did not like this statement. I typically loathe lying, even to myself. I felt it suggested that lies are OK on some level, and I was struggling to keep my honesty as pure as possible.
So this really did not sit well with me at first. But the longer I sat with it, the more I was able to see the immense value in it.

Our brain are quite remarkable. They operate very much like our computers. It is all about the data. “Garbage In, Garbage Out”, we used to say.
To a truth seeker such as myself, it seems foreign to tell myself lies as a means of advancement, but the brain is not able to discern the difference.
If someone says you looks fat in that dress, even in jest, only the statement itself, gets recorded, not the laughter. So by the same token…
If I say I am the Crowned Princess of the Illuminati to myself enough, I will begin to believe me. Then my behavior & actions will follow suit. It is really just that simple.

It feels odd to tell yourself something that you know is untrue intentionally, although we do it all the time subconsciously. We are actually lying already, when tell ourselve things that are untrue, as a result of the programming of others. Things like: we will never amount to anything, we are unworthy, unloved or ugly & stupid… you name it. Any thought, no matter how fleeting, if repeated enough and powered by emotion, will begin to materialize. These “lies” are really nothing more than insidious affirmations, of the things we have agreed to believe in. They will root in and change the way we see ourselves, even if we do not see ourselves in alignment with that reality, when we first begin. We should never underestimate the power coming out of our own minds. It is a creator like no other, and should be respected as such. If your life is a mess…all you have to do, is witness your thoughts, to determine the root.

It is child’s play really. How many times have you seen children role play? They fully embody, that which they are pretending to be. I see no difference. Kids naturally know they can take on any role they wish. It is a no-brainer to them. It is only through the words of others, that the lose their organic belief in their own dreams. It is our own thinking that  constructs our reality. Manifestation comes straight from our thought life. Children are born knowing this remarkable and magical truth. Watch them, they are naturals at it. Encourage them, to focus their minds on what they desire. It will come to them in due course.
It is the incubator of those things you want to experience. Both positive and negative.

YOU are the one who actually co-creates your reality and it is imperative I remind you of this. You have the power to change your circumstances, by speaking your life into existence, in any way that occurs to you.  So dream on! Think your way, into the life you would prefer. Watch what you say to yourself, is it hindering, or helping?

Bottom line: You truly are, who you SAY you are!

V~

Trial by Fire~

Posted: December 16, 2017 in Change, Enlightenment, Leadership, Uncategorized

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The process of initiation onto the next level of human interaction, is a gut wrenching, trial by fire. All of our relationships are being challenged to step up or step away. This path is not for everyone to forge.

But all are welcome to follow!

🔻

(image courtesy of snipview.com)

The Marine Corps & Me~

Posted: November 10, 2017 in Change, Hardships, Healing
Tags: ,

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He was literally the Commander of the Supply School I went to in the Marine Corps, when I was 19 years old…only 31 years later.
And we went to the 239th Marine Corps Ball together, a few years back. Oh yeah, we took his wife too, my gorgeous friend Cathryn.
She’s not in the picture because of that. She graciously stepped aside, so I could have the total USMC Ball experience, with her man.

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All the pomp and circumstance, that is typically lost on young Marines, because they can’t wait for the drinking & dancing to start, I saw with fresh, yet seasoned eyes.
I loved it!

And they even recognized, a female Lance Corporal for her exceptionalism! I thought that was really cool, because she was snappy in her uniform and demeanor. So you could tell, she was fully in it. Plus I don’t remember girls getting singled out for that kind of distinction, when I was in. My own master sergeant, straight up gave me his speech, on why women didn’t belong in HIS Marine Corps. And I mean, right off the bat, I knew the climate of my new duty station.

Other than the music, it was awesome! But that’s not why I am talking to you right now. It’s what happened on that same trip with him, that I need to talk about.

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Because I was revisiting the last place I was “whole”, before I was traumatized. This particular visit to the Harvey’s, had me filled with caution anticipation and a little bit of dread. In a sense I was finally coming full circle, back to myself. It was the beginning of the merger, of my teenage self and the rest of me. And on some level, I Just knew, how important this trip would end up being

34 years ago this month, I met and married another young Marine. We knew each other three weeks. And I drink a whole bottle of champagne, before we said our vows in the small chapel in Palm Springs California.
The only possible explanation I can think of for doing so now, was his mouth. I loved his mouth. The way it moved. I only I looked at it, when he talked. Never his eyes, or maybe I would have “seen”.

Because I do not like to relive this part of my life, I will make this brief and you can read between the lines.
Within five days of getting married, I had slashed my wrist, when he confessed to me, he was a Satanist. Now mind you I was knee-deep in Jesus at that time. So that pretty much short-circuited me, psychologically. And it got worse from there.

I endured months of ritualistic psychological torture & sexual abuse, at the hands of, someone who said they loved me. I most certainly thought I loved him, that’s for sure. It wasn’t like he beat me up because his dinner was cold either. He had a nightly ritual. It always started when he picked me up from work. I was accused of sleeping with people,at work…on base, in the Marine Corps. It was just absurd to me. Where would I have found the time? I was sleeping during my breaks and lunch in the ladies bathroom, because he kept me up all night!!

He would go on and on and on. Screaming, frothing, accusing, threatening. It was jealousy on crack or something, I don’t know. I had never seen any behavior like that before in my life. He would work himself into a lather, quite literally, with me pinned down on the bed underneath his salivating hatefilled words. He continually shouted insults, and things I don’t even remember, because it went on for hours. And I tuned out.
I was kept awake until 4am every morning, and then expected to perform as a “wife” afterwards.
Rape.
He constantly threatened my life and had the weaponry around to make good on it. He had a thing for butcher knives. I was completely checked out as a result. I really don’t even know how I got through the days back then.
But this dirty secret did not stay hidden forever. My Capt. graciously and honorably discharged me from the Marine Corps. These off work events, were semi documented. However in those days the men around me did not know how to deal with somebody who spoke up. I wasn’t something people really talked about back then. However I had to, because my husband kidnapped me and kept me from going my Marine Corps job, for a couple of days, after he was discharged himself, for reasons I would only tell you, at a live speaking event.

That triggered my willingness to share because I needed to get away from this guy. The last time he was able to get his hands on me, he was choking me to death. Had the neighbors not called the police I’m pretty sure he would’ve finished me off. You just know, when you’re that close, to meeting your maker. I finally got away shortly there after. But I did but I took the long way home. Because my baby Christian born-again parents (at the time), didn’t think it was a good idea, I left my husband, because you know… marriage is forever blah blah blah. But it was actually him who set things in motion he could not stop that ejected me miraculously, out of the situation.

Because I was heavily invested in the church at the time, and my dad was in seminary, I went to a trusted pastor for help. It was so beyond his scope, it wasn’t even funny. It would be years, before I dipped into any kind of professional help again. I came and went. I could only take my healing in doses. I was drinking myself silly, so I didn’t have to think about those kinds of things. I was into pure escapism really. Although, not in a creepy way.

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But over the years, I slowly healed. I did what I could, as it came up.

Me, myself and “I”.

Although honestly, the Marine Corps was always available when I needed extra help, (albeit, slowly) especially if I needed assistance monitoring my moods. It was just so unspeakable and beyond the scope of a normal experience, that I just couldn’t find anybody I felt comfortable enough, to talk about it with.

Cathryn had been trying to get me to come to a Marine Corps Ball for years. The first time she suggested it, I was all over it. I could’ve attended a ball, at a number of locations, in the last 10 years. But my destiny, was to occur when they got stationed in Jacksonville NC. The very town I went to school at, after leaving bootcamp in 1980.

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The day that I finally found lasting peace from this particular incident, on my arduous journey towards the Light. Catherine and I, went to Craig’s office, so he could give me a tour of the base and we could go to lunch.
It was so different then I remembered it, I can’t tell you. While it was the same, it was different. Because my view of it was on foot before and this time, we were in Craig’s jeep.

I really loved being at that school, I had a REALLY good time there and I was really HaPpy, to be a part of the MC. Even though I categorically do not care for war, in anyway. In fact my code for reenlistment on my discharge papers state, I’m a conscientious objector! But I wasn’t conscious of it, at the time of my enlightenment!

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At lunch I didn’t give Craig all the details of what happened to me, not like I gave you here. But he knew without me having to explain. Because part of his job, was dealing with precisely these kinds of issues, and honestly, some I find more shocking actually.
Predators like naive kids, who just came out of small towns, in the middle of anywhere, in America. He explained to me, it was actually a “thing” for an over abundance of deviants, to swarm around bases, and I was a bit horrified really. In his tenure there, he had to help young Marines get the care they needed after sexual assalts. or physical abuse, car accidents, you name it. And it happened far more than you would think.

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What was healing for me personally, was listening to this man talk about these kids, and what they were going through. And what they were doing to facilitate their healing. They could finally offer them,  the kind of help that they would need, so that they could move past this part of their lives.

I assure you, no one told me things like that, while I was in the Marine Corps. My pastor didn’t have resources either. Five counselors did not restore my broken wings, Although they tried.
Additionally, Craig was expressing to me, how much it meant to the Marine Corps, to be able to handle these sorts of things now, when so many of us fell through the cracks, for so many years. Many dedicated Marines & Civilians, have helped orchestrate the changes, that are now available to those who need assistance surviving trauma.
They are very proud of the systems & organizations they have put in place, to care for their Marines. Mind, body & Spirit.
At the end of the day, The USMC, really is a fraternity. It’s a ‘humanhood’ of men and women, willing to risk their lives, so that their families and friends may live in freedom. Unfortunately, many risk much more, than you will ever fully comprehend.

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And they do take care of their own. I am so proud of them for growing into this with dignity. It was so healing for me to know, that others would not have to walk such a dark and lonely path, towards their healing. That there would be choices and avenues, more custom tailored, to their particular trauma and needs.

So if you think my Marine Corps is some soulless fighting machine, you would be incorrect.

The USMC is made up of humans just like you and I. And like anybody who’s awake & paying attention, they are striving to get better in all aspects of what they do, as an people.

So, today I just wanted to tell you guys, how much I appreciate & adore, Lieutenant Colonel Craig Harvey’s unique placement in my life. I am way beyond grateful for The Harvey’s!

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I also wanted to tell you, It was an honor to have served in the Marine Corps, even though, I really just didn’t want to go to college.

Yep. I finally have some hard fought for peace…where a war once raged. And it feels like a Victory!

Now to fully eliminate the PTSD!

Because our bodies remember…

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Cathryn & Me~

*If want need to reach out for help, with a similar experience, please visit: www.beacons.forumotion.com

Hotlines & Helpful folks, are but a click away~

I am shifting so hard~

Posted: September 2, 2016 in Change, Uncategorized
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I am shifting so hard right now, I will be unrecognizable, to even myself before too long!

I am in deep study & transition.

Grrrr~

 

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The natural way in which things work, from the micro to the macro, can be seen by studying nature. Simply put…Nature is all about growth from beginning to end. She fundamentally promotes life, even in death. Nature is the oneness of duality in energetic motion. Her constant adaptation to balance, is simply & staggeringly, brilliant. In order to grow, she continually consumes herself. Leaving behind that which no longer serves her evolution. Yet nothing ruined by her process, is laid to waste. As Nature uses the very decay of death, to fertilize her new growth. She’s an endless cycle of resurrection & refinement, ordered by what appears to be chaos…A Phoenix rising from the ashes.

While she seems cruel & unpredictable, she repeatedly beckons us to follow her rhythms and evolve into new territory with her. She is both our grounding foundation & the wind beneath our wings.  If we are paying attention, patterns emerge as templates to help us negotiate our landscape. The further up the mountain we explore, the epic scale of Nature’s Universal Design comes into crystal clarity~

I really just think it is time to modernize & upgrade our line of thinking, on pretty much everything.

So here’s a thought…

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I think a prenuptial agreement should be a standard & yes mandatory, contract between any couple becoming legally bound.
Of course money concerns can be added amendments, but That part isn’t where my line of thinking went. I am talking about general & custom, marital rules of engagement.
Naturally, It would be incumbent on each partner to decide what was important to them, but here is what I am proposing as a starting point.
I would like to see, at the very least, conduct requirements in the event of a divorce, and stricter applications if there are children involved. It is simply not ok to cause unnecessary crazy, in the chaos of uncoupling.
Or how about physical abuse is a deal breaker, resulting in the injured party keeping most of the marbles upon dissolution?
That could apply to cheating as well. Or any manner of thing deemed a priority for us.
Why can’t a human expect to have their life partner adhere to a few voiced givens? After all, they both would be required to sign it, before the ceremony.
When we are HaPpy & healthy, we our on our best behavior. However, when things go south in a relationship, we are not a species that keeps our cool with complete consistency. Having a few rigid boundaries in place ahead of hell, certainly cannot cause human harm!
I think it would be enlightening to go through the process of making each more aware, of their expectations for their union.
I personally would include my man has to take out the trash. Don’t get me wrong, I will do it too, but not contractually, Lol. I FIRMLY believe it is a mans “job” having been successfully programmed by Bewitched as a kid! Just because I am a visionary, does not mean I am fully evolved! HA
Anyway…I think you get what I am offering here.

Human expectations for conduct within a marriage come with the territory. We all have ideas about what a HaPpy & healthy union feels like to us, for whatever reason.
If we took the time to write it all out, prior to signing the bottom line, maybe the need for articles covering our uncoupling, could one day, become obsolete?
How cool would it be, if we our treated our life long partnerships with this kind of dignified intention? Divorce is such a drag for all concerned, it really is preferable to do anything we can, to avoid one.
Plus the very act of initiating clear intentions, helps us manifest our joint endeavors with cooperation, thus producing more balanced & abundant families overall~

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You don’t fight for change “out there”. You do it from within yourself. By chosing to become the change, you enter into a wavelength, a vibration with others, who are doing the same. Once there is enough of us doing this, our world will be transformed. This is the great transmutation. For it to collectively emerge we must do our individual part.

You know…

You can begin right now, even from the chair you are currently sitting on.

FEAR NOT!!

Posted: March 25, 2015 in Balance, Change, Co-Creation, Humanity, Nature, Oneness, Unity
Tags:

REPEAT:

Fear NOT

(this chaotic blog should roll out better when recorded revised 9/20/18)
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Listen guys…. Chaos seems to reign from every direction, when you turn your attention to it, that is. The same can be said of order.
The truth is, where your heart is, your treasure resides. What you focus on… is truly what you “see”.
If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data to support your theory. If you “see” the world as waking UP to a new way of being & becoming, the same principle applies.
It is all about controlling our worldview and thus controlling how we see and respond, to the things we are experiencing individually and collectively.
It’s about understanding what is really happening on this planet, and consciously making the choice to see the best in us. It is about recognizing the uncomfortable cosmic tension that keeps the seasons and cycles in motion, towards ever higher planes of existence.
But make no mistake, there is a continual battle for our thought life.
One that broadcasts on all frequencies, 24/7.
Because those in high places, understand our true creative nature, they have actively withheld vital information and education from the masses.
Unfortunately, they are not wanting change. They like ruling over the 99% and dominating the planet. Not only do they have zero desire to see us move into our birthright, they are responsible for enslaving us to their whims which have held us back from our natural progression and advancement.
They know we are literally capable of co-creating anything we THINK about.  So they do not want us thinking at all. At least not beyond their manufactured chaos or narratives.
This is how we are “controlled”. They seek to create their own agenda, using the same powers that are dormant within us. This is easily accomplished via the mass media that constantly bombards us with the trending opinions, we are expected to assimilate and parrot to be one of the “IN” crowd.  Although it is more accurate to say, one of the herd.  For those who are innately capable of thinking for themselves, often public shame and ridicule will beat free thought it out of them, over time. For those of us who have awoken against all odds, we are rightfully discouraged to find our gardens trampled upon, with mindless and repetitive trenching, that digs ever deeper down towards the abyss, by the masses. Before you give up and jump in the ditch with them… remember: this too shall pass.
Literally nothing lasts forever.
NOTHING.
Not even civilizations.
While the thoughtless masses roam in circles, I want to remind you guys what a magical place our world really is, warts and all. This planet is designed to be a spectacular multidimensional adventure for all of us to explore and experience. Everything from heaven to hell, not only resides here, it is actively living side by side, dovetailed and in tandem.  Although hell has far too strong a foothold on humanity. That much cannot be argued, even if your third eye is closed!
It’s beyond obvious…it is screaming at us in every possible way. And literally begging for us to create more a more heavenly existence for all.
If you think this place isn’t hell on earth, go to the worst part of your town or city and observe what is happening there. If you think heaven is not possible here, go to the best parts, and see the difference in the communities mood and modes.
Again, all of it is right here AND right now.
All we have to do is look around objectively.
None of this is hiding, it is living out loud, right in front of our faces.
But I do suppose, one would have to look up from their phones, to notice.
The beauty of it is, everything in existence here, is being created by our chaotic collective consciousness, led by the darkness parts of humanity, while simultaneously being gently directed, by the unseen hands of ordered, Light & reason. All of which is necessary, to the purposes of a phenomenal architect with some majestic plans, most will never fathom in their lifetimes.
We have been gifted and truly possess, the power to co-create this place into heaven on Earth, if we all would only realize, who really holds the power on this planet, and stop giving ours away, to those who think we are nothing more than working cattle for capital. If we would just stop allowing the ridiculous, manufactured mental division to rule and let our unity as a people reign, a magnificent shift would occur… in a freaking twinkling!! We would minimize the heck out of hell, in so doing.
It truly seems like a no brainer for me, but it appears others cannot see the obvious as readily. So it up to you and I, to point this out whenever possible. The next time you or anyone thinks we are going to hell in a hand basket, point them to incredible new life changing technologies and/or tear jerking hurricane rescue stories, to get some balance going. The next time you think our existence is all about positivity, kittens, kites and rainbows, check out the 5 o’clock news.
Remember guys, all of it is happening at once, and we can chose the frequency aka channel, we want to tune into! Regardless of the circumstances.
It really boils down to a cup half empty, or half full kind of thing. What holds your focus, holds your spirit captive, as well. It is vitally important we realize how much of our thought life, plays a role in our paradise.
There will always be trials and tribulations as long as humans are upright and taking nourishment. However, we have been held down from realizing our maximum potential, by those who prefer we remain in the dark ages. We need to find a way to bring the balance back. Thankfully, nature stands on the ready, to help.
EVEN AS… We enter into a long dark night of the soul for our species, this will still hold true. Come what may for humanity, we still have a choice on how we handle the obstacles we must endure, to re-calibrate our species.
We can embrace the challenges that hardships bring our communities, and draw together and unify OR…
We can fall into despair, thinking the world is ending, for real this time.
We get to choose from a doom & gloom mentality or one that sees destruction as the dawning of a new age and a chance to rebuild a better kingdom, for EVERYONE.
Whenever I’m asked about the “storms” that are coming, I strive to put a positive spin on this absolutely needed and necessary course correction. Humanity must be cleansed of the muddle, before the New Age dawns fully. The destruction of the old, always precedes the construction of the new. It is a repeated pattern in nature not unlike what is witnessed when a hurricane blows onto our shores.
We are a species off kilter. The old stubbornly clings to things that no longer serve us, while the new desperately tries to pull us forward. Nature always seeks balance and she will have her way with us. We have been called to evolve into something more harmonious and healthy.And we are going there regardless of how it makes us feel.
That is what this waking UP stuff is all about. We can no longer live in the darkness of outmoded ideologies, corrupted governments and prejudicial thinking and expect to survive ourselves.
Collectively we are like the Phoenix. We must be burned down into ashes and rise again, a more brilliant version of ourselves. With all the treasures and lessons, only a trip through the hell-fires, can provide us.
The future leaders of this New Age are already being prepared, as we suffer our fiery trials that individually mimic, what I believe is coming for the collective. The curators of this Light Age are in the process of being resurrected, into better versions of ourselves, so we can lead our global family through a very dark period in human history. This is why I write about hardships and the need to see the tremendous value that is inherent in them. It is my way of helping us deal with what has happened in our lives, and what is coming.
For those of you who are concerned about any possible loss of life, that comes with foul weather. Don’t be. Death is an illusion. Anyone who does not make it through what is coming, will merely transform and rejoin us at a later date. But THAT my friends, is a topic for another day.
SO…While others fear the coming ‘typhoons’ and the destruction that will inevitably come in their wake. I would like to encourage you guys to see it as it truly is…They are divinely ordered opportunities for whole communities to grow closer, our out of harmony priorities to be redefined and balanced, for brand new, GREEN state of buildings and businesses to be constructed and some awesome updated social systems to be installed! Storms are simply heralds, that a new day is dawning on humanity.

FEAR NOT!

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PLEASE DO NOT freak out over the hardships you are facing today my sweet faVorites!
Yes, The storms are coming.
But they will not blow down, those of us who have been mentally, emotionally and physically prepared in advance.
We are destined to be unbreakable and comforting leaders, in a time of great chaos. Because we ourselves, have already learned how to bend in high winds~