Archive for the ‘Balance’ Category

I’ve been really sick.

sickvic

I was really sick & tired for about 6 months.

 

When I quit smoking, it sent me straight to Hell and into Hypothyroidism that went unchecked for 3 months. As a result, I gained 5 pounds a week for 8 weeks in a row, pouring a swift and staggering 40lbs onto my petite frame. Far more than the standard 10 lbs one can expect, from the slow down to the system that smoking cessation typically creates. It was the freaking WORST!!

I was miserable!

And I do mean MISERABLE, in every possible way!!

Not only did I suffer the worst that Hypothyroidism could throw at me: Puffy face, extreme fatigue, hoarseness, muscle weakness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, zero concentration, weight gain, more hair loss, and some bonus depression. I had to deal with the withdrawals from smoking, on top of all that! It threw me into a radical, personal pole shift, no doubt about it. There was so much going on with my body that I had no control over, I was a veritable stranger in my own skin. I hated every other ounce that had found it’s way into every area of my body. I was an emotional shipwreck, washed up onto territory that was completely foreign to me.  I had no idea what to do with myself, besides consult a physician and possibly a psychiatrist. I was all but lost, without my 40 year constant companion, who could always calm me down.

I WAS IN CONSTANT PAIN.

I was afraid that was my new normal.

My body hurt everywhere but especially my legs and my hands. I felt like a balloon that had been blown up too quickly, just shy of the popping point. I felt like I was as full as one could possibly be, without actually exploding. Carrying this new weight HURT! I was too damn tired to carry it, too! It hurt physically like I would never have imagined, but also it hurt me mentally too. It really threw me to the ground in a way nothing had before. I thought, WOW… IAM really found me weak point now, good for them!

I’m SCREWED.

I was not a gal that ever really worried about how she looked, and certainly not my weight, so this was very left field for me. But with the world potentially watching me turn into Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka, my pain was magnified by raw embarrassment and the idea that my enemies would actually delight in my suffering. 

I found myself facing all the fears, every human who does not feel perfect, faces. This fear was tangible, and quite the heavy low down. I suddenly felt a monumental heaviness for every overweight person on the planet, who felt they did not measure up to the impossible standards, of a freaking hanger. I developed sympatico for the kind of worries only high profile folks are subject to that I previously had no understanding of.  It is bad enough having to hit a low cycle in your life, it is exponentially more horrific doing so, while god and everyone is watching. I felt for every single one of us, and it made me cry.

A lot.

I am not going to lie, there were times that I wished with all my heart, I would just go to sleep and not wake up, so I could avoid the ongoing humiliation and the colossal amount of work that lay ahead. I absolutely did not want to face what I needed to, to get past this hurdle. I did not want to do this!! I was pissy-pot-pie on pep pills. I was dragging my tail behind me like a 800 lb leash. I was spitting nails angry that I would have to undo, what never should have occurred to begin with -had my doctor been a better advocate for my health. I knew the only way to get through this terrible turn of events, was going to require a whole bunch of effort on my part to fix.  I cannot even describe how pissed off I was about it.  Brad can though. He knows. He was my primary higher witness. He was the one I reached out to for the most part, although Papa and Christine were there for me also.

I called Brad a lot, so he caught the brunt of my furious rage. I called him crying, screaming, ranting, whimpering and too angry to speak. I called him just about every single day for months, working myself into lather almost every time I did.  He witnessed my death throes and I promise you, it wasn’t pretty. I had no way to dial myself down without a cigarette! I was screaming to the moon without a safety harness. I am convinced Brad must have put me on mute to get through the bulk of it. The endless repetition would have driven me crazy, but Brad took it like, he was actually paid to deal with me. No really. That is exactly how I would describe it. He really was a rock, on the other side of my hard place. I was frozen in my angst for months, before I was able to get moving again. My anger had eclipsed everything in my life, and I had become a shadow unto myself. 

The most horrific part of this for me was, dealing with the mirror. The one staring back at me was “Consumption V”, the version of myself who drank far to much to avoid her pain. I buried her almost 11 years ago, and here she was again, bloated and ready to gloat. It was incredibly hard to face her. I did not get sober and quit killing myself slowly, to face HER again!! Her very presence added insult to injury, and damn near pushed me, over the edge of myself. 

I was absolutely distraught.

INCONSOLABLE; REALLY.

Literally everything I knew how to do to move pass this, I ignored. I was obsessively hanging black crepe, in an effort to hide the terrible truth. The terrible truth was, there was no short cut! There was no easy fix. There was no savior on their way to magically fat burn me down and spit me out fabulous! I was ultimately going to have to move all the way through this alone, and it was going to take a tremendous amount of effort on my part, to do so. 

Grrrrrrrr(SPIT)Hisssssssss~

After a couple of professional examinations of my heart, and lungs, I got off my fat arse and started moving. It was my second attempt to do so. I had started with the gym the moment I became a non-smoker, but had to pause until my doc could figure out what was going on with my body. When I first started “Striding” (a combo of running, walking & occasionally some interpretive dance) I was so freaking out of shape, I could barely move myself at all. I felt like I was carrying 600 lbs of cement on top of my 800lb tail. It was such a drag! Quite literally. I was glad I had all the tests for my heart first, because it felt like I was having a heart attack every time I worked it out, for the first couple of weeks. I could not even believe how out of shape I was overall, having not been in a gym for 2 decades. I promise you when I say, there are a couple of smokers in my neighborhood that know I bawled my way through, many of my strides!

I hated every minute of the first several weeks of it.

I did not lose weight.

I GAINED it!

I was the biggest baby you have ever seen, and Brad heard it all. He would do everything he could, to intuitively diagnosis what ailed me, no doubt hoping my angst would end soon. It was he (and my mum) who suggested the thyroid was out of whack, when all my other tests were coming back normal.  I really am grateful to him for his time and efforts! He went to heroics for me, he really did.

But the thing that bothered me the most throughout this entire ordeal, was the fact that I could no longer feel the presence of The Illuminati in my life. I felt fully abandoned by them. I could not feel them in any way, shape, or form, even though it was clear my Initiation was still in progress, throughout it all.  I know, I know…they are always watching. But for me, it seemed they got into their space ships and decided to watch me from Saturn while they turned up the heat.  I thought they no longer cared about me, or how I was feeling. I felt they had pushed me down and left me for dead, even though it was my decision to quit smoking. I had several significant fires going in that same 6 months period of time, and I can honestly say it was (by far) the hardest part of my Initiation process, to date.

The whole time I was losing my shit, I reluctantly and RESENTFULLY moved towards the solution. I committed to exercise 5 days a week and for the most part, I followed through on that, even when I did not want to. Mostly, I did not want to. I was still livid that I even had to. The only reason I was able to show up at all, is because I knew showing up was the only way to get that person screaming at me from the back of my head, to shut the hell up. Besides, I immediately felt better knowing I was moving into a solution, even if I could not see any evidence of it.

At times I put all my heart into it and at others, I showed up halfheartedly. I showed up in the grubbiest fat clothes you can picture, but I showed up! Even when I gained an additional 7 more pounds, and I was in a state of despair as a result, I showed up.  Even when I was crying, I still showed up. I showed up to stride even if I had to take a nap beforehand, to do so.  I showed up when my legs were like painful balloons ready to pop. I showed up and strode through the freaking burning pain and the bloated loss of motion. I showed up with or without the music. With or without my enthusiasm.  And with or without any desire to do so. I hated almost every minute of it for 2 full months, possibly more, but I showed up. 

I freaking showed up!!

While I have yet to reach my goal, which is predicated on how I feel in my skin not how I look, I still feel 1000Xs better than I had before. I am starting to move more fluidly again, and the constant burning has ceased. I do not see “Consumption V” in the mirror anymore, and that alone brings a sign of relief, which has the potential to create hurricanes.

HA!

FEAR NOT!

Without a doubt, this has been one of the most challenging battles of my life. This was on par with fighting your way back from an injury, after an accident for me.  Even though it does not yet show, I can feel HaPPy and Healthy V, being carved out inside of every corner of me.  I know it will not be very much longer, before the outside matches what is happening within. I can tell you right now though, my sense of accomplishment is over the stack right now! It is especially sweet, when you didn’t even want to do the thing, that you have kicked arse, taken names and DONE!!

 

OH!! And it turns out…this exercise stuff is GREAT at diminishing the smack my head likes to talk, and it doesn’t look so bad on my legs either! I’m starting to get excited about this renovated and ravishing V, I just know will emerge; eventually! The one who faced that freaking mountain, and strode all over it, like the Victoryas Princess-Goddess that she truly, and thoroughly  is!

V~

 

 

The whole point of sharing this snippet, is to serve as a reminder for us all that we can face whatever it is, that stares us down. We can stare right back at it, face our fear, and conquer the fork out of whatever we must face.

That is a fact!

We are never given more than we can stand.

Please do NOT lose sight of that EVER, Beacons.

 

When you think you cannot do that thing, you don’t even want to do.

You can.

When you think you can go no farther, on a path you never wanted to take.

You will.

You can and you will.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Anonymous

 

 

True Power~

Posted: January 3, 2018 in Balance, Change, Co-Creation
Tags: , ,

 th

 

I am intentionally striving to stay out of global narratives. It has become a theater of the insane, for those of us who value logic & rationality in human relationships and government. We have seemingly become an extremely bi-polar people, without any real power of our own, and it is hard to watch folks struggle in this categorical nonsense.

We are so out of balance, if the Light wasn’t working overtime to compensate, darkness would devour us all. The cosmic balance of divine duality, is the perfect environment for free will. However, it seems like we have willed ourselves onto 2 edges, forgetting all the choices in between, each pole. All those yummy gray areas that I and others, prefer to inhabit. The center of the boat, to the Illuminati.

I cannot comprehend the viciousness of our species. Man’s inhumanity to man is so awful, it is hard for me to relate to my own kind sometimes. Our willingness to kill each other, when we don’t get our own way, is beyond disturbing. It is straight up, diabolical. And we should be ashamed of ourselves for such a character flaw.

I realize we have been taught competition at all cost,  but is cooperating, collectivism, with a dash of competitiveness our natural inclination? Who exactly is responsible for dividing us? Why are we constantly being programmed with materialism and mental slavery? Who does that serve? As they say…follow the money. Who profits from such a society?

The way I see it, primarily nefarious MEN (sorry boys) are largely responsible for what we have become. Women were not allowed to participate until very recently, and certainly not worldwide, even now. This patriarchal dominance has been to the determent of our species.

Enslaving the visionary and intuitive female, has resulted in a species so off of center, we must correct it immediately, or suffer the larger consequences of this ongoing incongruity. Suppressing the talents & gifts of fully half our species, has resulted in a civilization on the verge of ruin, due to this outrageous disharmony. We must get upright on this one. And by upright, I do not mean celebrating boys who have become girls, over the top of organic goddesses!

This world is made possible via our thoughts. Hence, there is continual competition for our thought life.  Make no mistake , those in high places, understand our true creative nature. They know we co-create what we THINK about. This is how we are “controlled”. They are dictating what we think. From all freaking sides too. They seek to create their own agenda, using the same powers that are dormant within us. This is easily accomplished via the media. I find it preposterous, that we even PAY for this indoctrination. Yep, via your cable bill!
So yes, chaos & fear does ‘seem’ to reign from every direction….when you turn your attention to it, that is. The same can be said of order, peace & love.
The truth is, where your heart is, your treasure resides.
What you focus on… is truly what you will “see”.
If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data to support your theory.  If you “see” the world as waking UP, to a new way of being, the same principle applies. So it is super important, to watch what we allow into our data center.
Our world is a magnificent multidimensional experience. Everything from hell to heaven, is possible here. It is one of the reasons why we have come here. To “experience” this co-creative opportunity. To fully immerse ourselves, in the gooey creative juices of matter, so we can FEEL stuff. Our senses are pure magic, but they surely can be deceptive. If we could just suspend our prior disbelief, and look around objectively, it is easy to see the basics of what is unfolding. And how we can very easily turn the tide.
The true magic here is, everything in existence, is being created by our chaotic collective consciousness, while simultaneously, being gently directed towards order, by the unseen hand of Divine Light & Reason,
We have the power to co-create this place into heaven on Earth, if we all would only realize, who really holds the power on this planet, and stop giving ours away, to those who do not have our best interests in mind. You know, the ones you love to hate, on that telly of yours.
Monsters love the dark. One flip of the Light switch, and they will flee~

Most people know deep in their heart of hearts, this is an unsustainable way of being.  They long for saviors to bail us out of this mess. The truth is though, nothing of the kind is coming. REPEAT. No one is coming to “save” us! In fact, believing as much, is counter-productive to our growth. If folks just realized how magnificent this planet would be, by simply returning to balance, they would be amazed to see Heaven on Earth HERE.

We must take responsibly for what we have allowed to occur, and make the course corrections needed, to navigate our way to calmer waters. And we must do it en mass, immediately~

Girl Power!!

Posted: December 29, 2017 in Balance, Change, Healing, Power
Tags: , ,
th
Girl Power~
Exploring the Goddess & the coming “Bride” of Light~
Inherent in every female; is a Goddess so supernaturally powerful, that alpha-men unconsciously seek to crush her, before she is able to inhabit this magnificent force.
I am sick to death of hearing about the age old slavery trade, when historically WOMEN are the most abused, violated & enslaved humans on the planet. How we have over looked this, is beyond me. Even now, men who become women, are elevated above those who are biologically However; the Divine Feminine is now finally on the rise, to take her rightful seat on the throne, next to her partner.
Earth provides a string of history’s, almost all of which have been dominated by males for the past 10,000 years. You don’t need me to spell that out to you.  Just look around, my lady! Far too many of us are not free to chose our own paths.
We are a collective culture seriously out of balance. Even though new & promising archeological  research suggests, ancient Egypt & even the Amazon, might have been organized by women, there is yet to be concrete empirical evidence of women led civilizations that we can emulate or revere.
Perhaps we lost our place of reverence long ago, when men figured out where babies come from? Lol
However, there are a few examples on a smaller scale, of societies led by the matriarchy.

“From this cursory view of women-run societies, some fundamental differences from predominantly male-run communities become pretty clear. Most strikingly, these cultures appear to have quite a different view of ownership than the one that dominates in Western culture today — a far greater emphasis is placed on communal participation than in societies run by men, which tend to be more hegemonic. Children, for example, belong to the whole community rather than to a single family, and land is shared instead of partitioned off”

I for one, would like to know what is like, to live under such leadership. But perhaps they too, lacked balance? Maybe that is why, the masculine energy rose up against us? Regardless, I am waiting to see what the future holds, as the sexes begin to cooperate in harmony. I think the mere restoration of balance, will look like heaven on earth once we have stabilized.

Sooooo…Wake up and “groom” my Sisters!!
It is time to Rise & Shine my Bride!
It is time to take our rightful seat, at the head of the banquet table.
Remember you are A Bride,  not a shamed mistress!!
And never, EVER a whore!!
(to be continued)

FEAR NOT!!

Posted: March 25, 2015 in Balance, Change, Co-Creation, Humanity, Nature, Oneness, Unity
Tags:

REPEAT:

Fear NOT

(this chaotic blog should roll out better when recorded revised 9/20/18)
energy
Listen guys…. Chaos seems to reign from every direction, when you turn your attention to it, that is. The same can be said of order.
The truth is, where your heart is, your treasure resides. What you focus on… is truly what you “see”.
If you “see” this world as going down for the count… You will always attract more data to support your theory. If you “see” the world as waking UP to a new way of being & becoming, the same principle applies.
It is all about controlling our worldview and thus controlling how we see and respond, to the things we are experiencing individually and collectively.
It’s about understanding what is really happening on this planet, and consciously making the choice to see the best in us. It is about recognizing the uncomfortable cosmic tension that keeps the seasons and cycles in motion, towards ever higher planes of existence.
But make no mistake, there is a continual battle for our thought life.
One that broadcasts on all frequencies, 24/7.
Because those in high places, understand our true creative nature, they have actively withheld vital information and education from the masses.
Unfortunately, they are not wanting change. They like ruling over the 99% and dominating the planet. Not only do they have zero desire to see us move into our birthright, they are responsible for enslaving us to their whims which have held us back from our natural progression and advancement.
They know we are literally capable of co-creating anything we THINK about.  So they do not want us thinking at all. At least not beyond their manufactured chaos or narratives.
This is how we are “controlled”. They seek to create their own agenda, using the same powers that are dormant within us. This is easily accomplished via the mass media that constantly bombards us with the trending opinions, we are expected to assimilate and parrot to be one of the “IN” crowd.  Although it is more accurate to say, one of the herd.  For those who are innately capable of thinking for themselves, often public shame and ridicule will beat free thought it out of them, over time. For those of us who have awoken against all odds, we are rightfully discouraged to find our gardens trampled upon, with mindless and repetitive trenching, that digs ever deeper down towards the abyss, by the masses. Before you give up and jump in the ditch with them… remember: this too shall pass.
Literally nothing lasts forever.
NOTHING.
Not even civilizations.
While the thoughtless masses roam in circles, I want to remind you guys what a magical place our world really is, warts and all. This planet is designed to be a spectacular multidimensional adventure for all of us to explore and experience. Everything from heaven to hell, not only resides here, it is actively living side by side, dovetailed and in tandem.  Although hell has far too strong a foothold on humanity. That much cannot be argued, even if your third eye is closed!
It’s beyond obvious…it is screaming at us in every possible way. And literally begging for us to create more a more heavenly existence for all.
If you think this place isn’t hell on earth, go to the worst part of your town or city and observe what is happening there. If you think heaven is not possible here, go to the best parts, and see the difference in the communities mood and modes.
Again, all of it is right here AND right now.
All we have to do is look around objectively.
None of this is hiding, it is living out loud, right in front of our faces.
But I do suppose, one would have to look up from their phones, to notice.
The beauty of it is, everything in existence here, is being created by our chaotic collective consciousness, led by the darkness parts of humanity, while simultaneously being gently directed, by the unseen hands of ordered, Light & reason. All of which is necessary, to the purposes of a phenomenal architect with some majestic plans, most will never fathom in their lifetimes.
We have been gifted and truly possess, the power to co-create this place into heaven on Earth, if we all would only realize, who really holds the power on this planet, and stop giving ours away, to those who think we are nothing more than working cattle for capital. If we would just stop allowing the ridiculous, manufactured mental division to rule and let our unity as a people reign, a magnificent shift would occur… in a freaking twinkling!! We would minimize the heck out of hell, in so doing.
It truly seems like a no brainer for me, but it appears others cannot see the obvious as readily. So it up to you and I, to point this out whenever possible. The next time you or anyone thinks we are going to hell in a hand basket, point them to incredible new life changing technologies and/or tear jerking hurricane rescue stories, to get some balance going. The next time you think our existence is all about positivity, kittens, kites and rainbows, check out the 5 o’clock news.
Remember guys, all of it is happening at once, and we can chose the frequency aka channel, we want to tune into! Regardless of the circumstances.
It really boils down to a cup half empty, or half full kind of thing. What holds your focus, holds your spirit captive, as well. It is vitally important we realize how much of our thought life, plays a role in our paradise.
There will always be trials and tribulations as long as humans are upright and taking nourishment. However, we have been held down from realizing our maximum potential, by those who prefer we remain in the dark ages. We need to find a way to bring the balance back. Thankfully, nature stands on the ready, to help.
EVEN AS… We enter into a long dark night of the soul for our species, this will still hold true. Come what may for humanity, we still have a choice on how we handle the obstacles we must endure, to re-calibrate our species.
We can embrace the challenges that hardships bring our communities, and draw together and unify OR…
We can fall into despair, thinking the world is ending, for real this time.
We get to choose from a doom & gloom mentality or one that sees destruction as the dawning of a new age and a chance to rebuild a better kingdom, for EVERYONE.
Whenever I’m asked about the “storms” that are coming, I strive to put a positive spin on this absolutely needed and necessary course correction. Humanity must be cleansed of the muddle, before the New Age dawns fully. The destruction of the old, always precedes the construction of the new. It is a repeated pattern in nature not unlike what is witnessed when a hurricane blows onto our shores.
We are a species off kilter. The old stubbornly clings to things that no longer serve us, while the new desperately tries to pull us forward. Nature always seeks balance and she will have her way with us. We have been called to evolve into something more harmonious and healthy.And we are going there regardless of how it makes us feel.
That is what this waking UP stuff is all about. We can no longer live in the darkness of outmoded ideologies, corrupted governments and prejudicial thinking and expect to survive ourselves.
Collectively we are like the Phoenix. We must be burned down into ashes and rise again, a more brilliant version of ourselves. With all the treasures and lessons, only a trip through the hell-fires, can provide us.
The future leaders of this New Age are already being prepared, as we suffer our fiery trials that individually mimic, what I believe is coming for the collective. The curators of this Light Age are in the process of being resurrected, into better versions of ourselves, so we can lead our global family through a very dark period in human history. This is why I write about hardships and the need to see the tremendous value that is inherent in them. It is my way of helping us deal with what has happened in our lives, and what is coming.
For those of you who are concerned about any possible loss of life, that comes with foul weather. Don’t be. Death is an illusion. Anyone who does not make it through what is coming, will merely transform and rejoin us at a later date. But THAT my friends, is a topic for another day.
SO…While others fear the coming ‘typhoons’ and the destruction that will inevitably come in their wake. I would like to encourage you guys to see it as it truly is…They are divinely ordered opportunities for whole communities to grow closer, our out of harmony priorities to be redefined and balanced, for brand new, GREEN state of buildings and businesses to be constructed and some awesome updated social systems to be installed! Storms are simply heralds, that a new day is dawning on humanity.

FEAR NOT!

FearNot

PLEASE DO NOT freak out over the hardships you are facing today my sweet faVorites!
Yes, The storms are coming.
But they will not blow down, those of us who have been mentally, emotionally and physically prepared in advance.
We are destined to be unbreakable and comforting leaders, in a time of great chaos. Because we ourselves, have already learned how to bend in high winds~