Author Archive



Fear Not!!

Hardships are a necessary part of the initiation process. Only those who overcome them, will succeed through the various levels of initiation.

That is why I write about them so much you guys. So you will see the value in them and find encouragement to get through them.

This process is NOT for everyone. Although EVERYONE is invited to apply.
This is a lifestyle, not a test or two and you are IN. There will be many tests and most are not on paper. Then of there is the waiting. The endless patience building; waiting.

In the almost 4 years I have been at this, I have seen more drop out, than I have seen those that keep going. Many start out strong and sprint pass others to what they believe is the finish line, not realizing this is a never ending endurance game.
Unfortunately those who are able to suffer through the struggles of the long haul, are few and far between.

Remember, the Illuminati states in ILLUMINATIAM that all manner of hardships are placed in our path, (including addictions) to see if temporary discomfort will cause us to turn away from the Light. These are designed to test our resolve and to harden the armor around our souls. All the more so, if you have been chosen to go through The Illuminati’s initiation process for Leadership.

It is absolutely OK,  if after a mile or two, you would rather play a supporting role. Please do not feel discouraged if at the end of the day, this gig is not for you. Not everyone around here, wants to or needs to be, a leader. We need actually need
folks willing to promote and support IAMs messages and messengers too, you know!

There is a place for ALL of us in the Universal Design. And believe it or not, you will love your role, once you discover it. It has been custom designed, just for you!

Leadership is not for everyone, and until recently, it wasn’t something I desired or pursued, AT ALL.  It’s a really, really, tough and often thankless job, riddled with irrational extremes and infinite blame. 1/3 of our own family will hate you, just for being out front, and another half of them, will hate you for what you do and/or say, while you are out there.

I have always preferred to be the man behind the power! But apparently The Illuminati sees me as a Bride, not a Bridesmaid, so I am doing my best to live up to their confidence in me. But it ain’t easy. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s actually a really tough row, to how.

So by all means, relax into this thing. It is not only OK to take your time around here, it is advisable. Watch while you wait. Get the lay of the land. Take some time to see where
your unique gifts, talents and skill set, can be developed further, to serve others. Because at the end of the day, this is the bottom line. This is what this whole thing is all about: Service to others, not self glorification. Service to Humanity, not yourself personally!

Those who think otherwise, will be sorely disappointed. The glory seekers, sadly left wanting~

“Fear not for the struggles you face in this moment: be they money, relationships, war, or hunger. These are impermanent and temporary concerns that plague every member of the human species regardless of wealth or power or prestige.

No one is free from their clutches. But find security in knowing that you are always safe in the Light.”

-The Illuminati

A special “thank you” goes out to Citizen Member Nicholas Hastie for inspiring this post~

I am transmitting from HELL!!


I am completely miserable and overwhelmed. It is very difficult for me to see the Light right now, it is so fucking dim!!

However, the black crepe comes down tomorrow, regardless.

I know from experience, I will find my way out of this long dark tunnel, somehow. It surely leads to brighter days and a better view, or a return to the Light, from which I originate~

Either way, I have always been, and will always be, Victoryas!


PS: Raven flew by and told me someone was leaving.

Riven passed away this evening~


Addiction: A Roadblock

Posted: February 27, 2019 in addiction


A roadblock like no other…

plural noun: addictions
  1. the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
    “he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction”
    synonyms: dependency, dependence, habit, problem

Based on the meaning of the word alone, we all have them. Although the word addiction it is a more shameful option, when describing Dependency and Habit. The word itself draws its own line of demarcation, between healthy obsession, and unhealthy enslavement.

From favorite foods to fetishes, we as a species go full throttle on the things that we love the most. While many addictions are largely harmless,  like an obsession with rock hunting or stamp collecting, others can be down right dangerous to indulge in. Some have more dire impending  emotional, financial or physical consequences. All of which reveal something about ourselves.

This is not a subject I have to explain in depth to my brilliant audience of Beacons. We all know more than we care to, about the addictive nature of humans. Most of us have been touched by them in one form or another. Many of us have had our own to overcome. Myself included. It is worth noting, some addictions come from things that are literally designed to hook. Like cigarettes and crack, to name a couple. Yes, designer drugs are indeed engineered to hook you, if you have a proclivity for the sensation they provide. Having been hooked by design, does not necessarily mean you have an addictive personality in general, worthy of undue scrutiny. So don’t play that game with yourself. It only adds more shame. Regardless of type, addictions can be indicators that we are actually on a path towards greatness. Yes. Greatness.

Please allow me explain…

The ILLUMINATIAM: The First Testament of the Illuminati (see below) briefly touches on this highly sensitive subject with 3 fingers pressed deep into the soul, for those who have not overlooked the powerful message of this one paragraph. It implies without a doubt, addictions are a TEST, meant to filter out those who should not have access to true world-shaping power.

So we can fancy ourselves leaders all we want, and even be in leadership to some degree at our jobs.  However to be handed real power by The Illuminati, requires a deeper evaluation than we get from those retail or hotel chains we work for. Our ability to pass through a myriad of hardships that have been designed to test our resolve, are the true indicators of those who are ready to assume species-shaping power. Ultimately, we must prove we are capable of shepherding humanity, to those who watch out for us all.


So the question becomes, will you turn from the Light, when broken? How will you react, when you lose someone or something you love? Will you forget all you have learned and return to an addiction, when your heart is broken? Will you return to those ciggs or coke, when your body is no longer recognizable from quitting? Will you suspend your ethics and resort to criminal activity, to maintain your habits? Will you harm those you love, to feed your addiction to sensations? There is simply no way to know, until the situation arises. Following the Illuminati, pretty much guarantees you will face your demons, even if you believe you have already conquered them.

The reason I am casting additional Light on this subject and exploring it more deeply with you, is largely because far too many of our IAMfam, are needlessly suffering from unconquered addictions.  Addictions that will prevent further growth and opportunity, not just in this outreach, but in our lives overall. Many of you have shared your struggles with me, whiles others of you have obvious behaviors that point to a problem. It is because I identify with you that I am bringing this forward, for your serious evaluation and analysis. If the Illuminati states things including addictions are placed as roadblocks in our lives, we all need to pay close attention to that. There is much to glean from this together.

I have been following the Light with The Illuminati for four years now. I have openly shared my experiences with you guys as I have moved through the initiation process, in hopes it would help you, with yours. The longer I have been influenced by this enlightened organization, the more I have had to change my life, to adjust to the higher calling it represents. Following the Light is not an empty platitude. It isn’t something we preach without practicing. It is process of gritty, and often painful soul polishing that reflects on every aspect of our lives. It becomes a lifestyle that cannot be faked by parrots or mimics. Folks who talk but don’t walk, won’t survive this thing. It is absolutely not a path for victims, sissies, or shysters. Our words alone are not qualifiers of greatness. It must be demonstrated in the things we value and act upon that sets us apart from the herd.

Before I found IAM, I was not a stranger to victory. As my name implies, I have fought my whole life, to overcome hardship, addiction, loss and abuse, in an ongoing effort to become a better version of myself. It has literally taken decades for me to balance my own books, and clean my own closets. So please do not erroneously believe, you can get from where you are now, to where you want to be; immediately. Our lives are not a get rich overnight gig. Like fine wine, we are aged into wisdom, and seasoned into success.

I was alcohol free, for 6 years when I found and starting following the IAM. Conquering what for me, was an ugly habit…was not accomplished in one, sole made-for-tv attempt. I kept at it, even when my last run with booze was kicked off by someone else unintentionally, after 2 1/2 years of sobriety.  In fact, nothing I have ultimately given up, was done with ease.

I had to fight for it and through it, with passion & patience.

I hid everything in the bottle, including myself.  From my dreams to my drama, everything about me was drowning in vodka. Honestly, quitting was an indirect act of humanitarianism, when I was finally able to raise my personal vibration, as a result of climbing out of that vindictive bitch! Lol. It actually required something of me far beyond just being sober. I had to look long and hard at the reasons why I was hiding.

I personally believe this is why so many people statistically return to their own vomit, so to speak. They cannot stomach the intensity of ruthless self evaluation.  When the Light shines on the darkest places within, it is hard to look at what we have hidden in there. It is nauseating to finally see the shit we have been wallowing in. The years of accumulation and backlog is so overwhelming, most return to the safety of their addictions, rather than clean up their crap. Believe me, this is not a condemnation, I get it! It isn’t easy to balance the books of a life unchecked. It is grueling, painful and flat out embarrassing, to do so. It takes far more work, than popping a cork or a pill! But it is vastly worth the effort, I promise you that much.

I wish I could say that was my only unsavory habit. Unfortunately, it was not. I had two more under my wings where that one came from, and they needed to be addressed as soon as I was able muster the effort. I wouldn’t have even considered them a hindrance per se. Smoking stuff, is simply not on par with drinking spirits, in my mind, anyway. But for me, and my unique role in the Universal Design, they were.

Not long after finding the Illuminati, the internal nagging began again. That small still voice that was gently encouraging me to ‘knock it off’, eventually became an insistent scream that I could no longer ignore. I had to get clean of my dirty, dirty, low-down. Because I hate the forking head talk, otherwise. It gets obnoxious! It drives me crazy and it always gets it’s way in the end, anyway. Whoever calls my shots from the ether, is one persistent son of a bitch.

I am sure some of you know EXACTLY what I am referring to here. This is why I am talking to you about this.


This is a test of our resolve. Because no matter how bright we think we are shining while we are feeding our addictions, we are far dimmer than we will be, if we flee from them. It is a frequency thing. Our vibes are weighed down by the imbalance, I assure you.

So I gave up recreational grass on Independence Day. YEP, I sure did. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stuff, and absolutely see it’s medicinal value. However, my use of it went well beyond all that. My use was more far more robust than “recreational”.  It was a way to handle “my feelings”, and dial down my angst. I fully recognized that I needed to continue to learn how to handle these things without crutches. I needed to learn to navigate my own bullshit, without aid. Because god forbid, if Armageddon comes, I might have to actually help lead people! I can only imagine the kind of additional chaos that would ensue, if I had to deal with a broken supply chain too! Yikes. Can you imagine!? That would be a nightmare.

(Insert bugged eyed emoji here)

But seriously…As I see it, I am living a higher profile life now, and I do not want to give anyone any reason to discount my point of view, beyond the viewpoint itself.  While I do not speak FOR the Illuminati, I do speak ABOUT them, and I feel I must be the very best representative I can be. I see The Illuminati as being the best and the brightest minds this planet has to offer and I don’t imagine they are stoners, like I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, later in life, I will go there again, but not now. I am delaying gratification until I literally have nothing better to do, or need it for pain on my death bed. Or as a reward for a life finished strong.  The advice that really pushed me over the edge and encouraged me to leave this part of my life behind, did not come from the control freak some call a conscious that barks orders at me, it was this:


I have always been one to shy away from the masses, so with the move towards legalizing medical marijuana, came a knee-jerk pause in me. When IAM added this to “Illuminations”: Wisdom from the Planet’s Brightest Minds, the weed thing for me, immediately came to mind. I knew it was time to change my tune. So after a lot contemplation, I finally did on July 4th.  To say I was out of sorts for awhile as a result, is a colossal understatement. But man has my dream life been enhanced by the decision! I am still adapting new coping strategies and stress management skills, but I feel better knowing I flung another 9 inch nail monkey from my back.

But wait! There’s more!

I was barely finding my new emotional footing when I believe the IAM squeezed my cigarette dependency out of me also. I have no idea what the freakin hurry is, but good heavens,  here we are.

Following the lead of a client at work, I agreed to set a date to quit, not realizing it was only a week and a half away, when I made the commitment. I knew I needed to quit, not because I wanted to, but because I could no longer afford $9 a pack! Due to a faulty air conditioning system last summer, I was paying for an outrageous amount of electricity (thanks IAM) which led to having to choose between food or ciggs.

I chose cigarettes.

Yep. I did!

Until I could see how good Daniel looked, after just one month of not smoking, that is! It isn’t like he looked sickly or anything before, he just looked vastly more healthy within just 30 days of not using them. I wanted that. So with all things concerned, I agreed to ditch the stinky sticks and truly be left with nothing to calm my nerves. What a ridiculous move.

That was 2 1/2 months and 20 found pounds ago, and I have never felt better, or worse! I am still struggling to adjust in a body I do not recognize with a mind fully puffed up with accomplishment. I am relieved I am no longer a slave to smoke, and simultaneously burdened with the aftermath that 40 years of enslavement has taken on my body. I am pissy-pot-pie, proud as you can imagine and sad all at the same time. But I did it!! I crashed through two major roadblocks back to back just to show the Illuminati I mean fucking business and I am a gale force wind to be reckoned with! I have taken their words to heart,  and acted upon them, because I desperately want to go where they go. Even if I have to give up sugar now, to do so!!

So if you find yourself facing similar circumstance Beacons. It is a sign that you are on the right road, a path less traveled. Those damn roadblocks are there to strengthen us, not act as symbols of our surrender. I encourage you to slay the things that hold sway over you and enter into a life unhindered by addiction and it’s consequences. I invite you to join me as I continue to follow the Light and chase down those responsible for inspiring my ongoing spiritual, emotional, mental & physical renovation & enlightenment.

The Illuminati.

My enthusiastic loyalty to IAM, born of my ceaseless gratitude for their brilliant influence in my life, is the ultimate habit I have no intention or will, to break~



Posted: February 27, 2019 in FYI, Illuminatiam, Leadership, Verification




So what does it mean to be verified by The Illuminati; exactly?


verify 2

Because I am asked so often about mine, and because others continue to minimize the distinction, I thought I would take the time to expand upon  what it is, and what it is not. Especially as it applies to me.

There are two types. One for Official Accounts managed by Illuminati Agents, and one for when a Citizen Member identity has been verified and connected to their account. For the purpose of this article, I am only speaking about the later.

Verification in the Illuminati’s Members Portal is not a trivial gig, regardless of what those are not verified might think. Trust me, IF you ever receive the honor, you will understand what a big deal it is, immediately.

While becoming verified does not allow someone to speak ON BEHALF of the Illuminati, (only Agents are allowed the privilege), and it is not necessarily an endorsement of the person or their profiles across social media, it IS an honor to be sure. One that not all Initiates will be given. It doesn’t come with any particular Level and it does not appear to be a badge for every member of the Portal.

The Verification Badge is permanent, and by Invitation ONLY. It is not something that you can apply for and/or automatically receive. It appears to go beyond personal identity confirmation, for those who are not house hold names. The Illuminati themselves, are the ones who chose who to verify.  The two reasons stated in their own words (see above) are to distinguish:

1) Public Figures

To confirm Celebrity/High Profile People, are who they claim to be.

2) Community Leaders

To recognize Community Leaders in IAMs Public Outreach

In my case, I was recognized as a Community Leader, for things I had done in the years prior to the opening of the Members Portal.  I am by no means, the only person the Illuminati witnessed go above and beyond, in their efforts to spread and share The Illuminati’s messages.

They have given me permission to share this information with you, so I am not speaking out of school, or for them.  They made it very clear to me that they see the hard work of EVERYONE and just because I received the first one anyone has seen, I am NOT the only one who will have a blue check mark added to their profile. I was the FIRST because someone in a higher office than the MP or even Social Media, has taken notice of my past activity and wanted to show appreciation for my dedication to this outreach. It is important to note, I had been in this movement for almost 3 years when I was verified and leveled up. I have no idea how long one must be actively participating in this outreach, or what they must actual do beyond passing their messages around, to merit the distinction. I am just sharing my experience as a point of reference. It may be something you cannot earn, without “time in grade”. In other words, you might have to be around awhile before recieving one? That part is still unclear to me.

In my opinion, once more folks are verified, it will become more apparent as to what the Illuminati values, even though it isn’t synonymous with a personal endorsement. To my knowledge, they do not or cannot play favorites. However, we can learn more about what they revere in an Initiate’s conduct, as more are verified.  We should be able to see a trend, in the types of behaviors that IAM holds in high regard, once more have been honored. This is the kind a thing that will become more evident to us all, in time.

Because most people in the MP had no idea who I was, or what I did to merit such an privilege, folks had a hard time understanding why I was set apart for the distinction. Now that we are more familiar with each other, via the Members Portal, I am hoping we will better understand who IAM chooses who to set apart as community leaders, and why.


Going forward, I would love to see the people who have earned this Badge, celebrated for their contribution to this outreach, their service to humanity, and the outstanding tribute it actually is to be publicly recognized by the Illuminati, in this special way.


I hope this clarifies the issue once and for all, as more are indeed coming soon, and it is important that we all understand what it truly means, to be “Verified”.





*If someone has anything to add, that I might have missed or misunderstood, please do so in the comments. Would love to hear your POV~

*For those of you not feeling the flames of refinement, I’m convinced it’s likely because you are not being groomed for greatness, yet. If your life is not being turned upside down, you may not be the leader you believe yourself to be.

Greatness is forged out of adversity, not abundance. I am sharing this for those who have been called to be Shepherds of their Species, not for the sheep they serve.

This is for those of you who are “feeling” it. I am pouring my guts onto the page so you can see you are NOT alone and be encouraged to keep swimming, by what I have shared from the depth of my soul~


I cannot help but wonder, if my life will ever be one that does not include continuous battles and hardship. Will it always be an uphill battle with no summit in site? Must I shed my skin ceaselessly upon the rocks of a path less traveled?

For as long as I can remember, there has always been something in my life to slay. I think that is why I have sought for so long, to change my name. When you have been given the name ‘Victory’, there is no end to your battles, no war -that is finally won. It announces to all you are triumph: personified. Something that is highly intimidating, to those who are still fighting to secure their own victories.

It has been a constant uphill battle for me in ways most do not know about, nor would they even understand. I am tired from a struggle no one sees. I have been surrounded by those who have no clue what I have faced in my lifetime or the toll these things have taken on my soul. I do not typically discuss the things that have sought my surrender, I write them out instead. I do so, hoping there is at least one other soul out there that understands the struggle. But alas, much of it is squirreled away, and hidden from view. Just like the relentless pain within, I cannot seem to pop the cork on.

While I did not expect anything in the way of hardship relief from The Illuminati. I did not anticipate the sharp increase in them. I had no idea there was going to be any kind of an “initiation”, much less have a clue about what they might entail. As I have stated before, I had a wonderful first year with IAM. The most unbelievable things happened to me that first year. Random things I had long desired, came to pass in a way that was nothing short of magical . It was indeed, a honeymoon of sorts that I sorely miss.

However, right around our year anniversary, things took an abrupt change, for the more challenging. The season of rest I had so enjoyed, was replaced by series of unfortunate events that have lasted 3 full years and have been explained in more detail in my article: “The REAL cost of following the Illuminati”. Even now as I enter into my 4th year, I do so with the leftovers of the previous year, unresolved.

In early December of 2018, my only sibling Brian, who has Down’s related Alzheimer’s, had 3 grand mal/tonic clonic seizures, one after another, setting off an earthquake of emotions in me I cant even write out yet, much less deal with -on any level.  As he enters into the 6th and final phase of a disease that will terminate his life, I am also preoccupied with my own illness. One that cannot remotely be compared, to what he is facing. Something that gives me an enormous amount of guilt to contemplate. My whole life has been one of guilt, since the day he was born, which will be addressed at another time. Suffice to say, it is like having an application open on your phone that you aren’t using, but it is running in the background draining your battery, never-the-less.

As 2018 gave way to 2019, the meds I took for what ails me, made me momentarily hope that my life would return to a normal pace. That somehow I could stand the challenges that haunt me, with something resembling strength, once my health had been restored.  Instead, my symptoms have returned and I started the year dealing with something I thought I had left behind me.  One look at me shows how far off of center I am. I carry almost 40 extra pounds from my smoking cessation, along with the burden knowing, it was my choices that have brought me to this place. I am deeply angry about the lack of professional care that put me in a position to gain beyond what was necessary, or normal. All under a doctors supervision. It as left me struggling to love myself, “as is”. Something I have always struggled with, being the odd man out, at all times.

I am not myself anymore. And not yet who I want to be.

I still do not smoke, but quitting was the worst thing I have done to myself, in recent decades.  Something that was suppose to improve my life, has caused me pain and grief I have yet to escape, almost 5 months later. My entire ecosystem has been rend asunder. But the most grievous of all, is the dreaded depression that has returned to gloat over a life that is already weaken, by the constant strain of rapid and radical change. While I type, tears fall hot and streaming, on a face that does not smile, like it used to.

2018 ended with far too many people taking my personal inventory and an announcement that the hotel I work at, had been sold. Thus leaving my job security at risk and my benefits diminished. All of it more than I can stand; today. And yesterday.

To add insult to injury, I know that there are those who claim to follow the Light, that will revel in my unraveling. Those self-righteous bullies, who will find joy in my pain. While others equally as disingenuous, feign concern publicly and mock in private. Those that have condemned me for my imperfect humanity, will celebrate my sadness, as if it had the power to elevate them; somehow. All of this not lost on me, due to a burdensome gift I have. Every bit of it contributing to the anguish I feel inside, because not even “family” can be trusted to love unconditionally. Only so called family, will actually bury their wounded.

All of which adds more tears to a bucket, already half full of them. 

This is initiation. This is the path to greatness. This is The Illuminati shedding Light on the darkest part of my soul. This is me struggling to rise to the occasion.

As awful as I am feeling, I know I am not alone. All around me there are those who are struggling to the same degree as I, or even more so. I have watched several people implode and become institutionalized, as a result of this process. I have seen many others, on the verge of suicide.  Neither of which is an option for me, personally. So anyone suggesting otherwise for any reason, do not know what I am made of. Or my history. Even in a broken state, I am stronger than most. So do not think for even one second, this extended walk through hell, will ever keep me from the summit. I will always climb skyward, even if I must crawl through some of the most difficult terrain.

I am not sure how The Illuminati is able to shine the Light into the deepest parts of our soul, but surely they do. They silently ask that we be all we can be, and somehow let us see the things that are preventing us from doing so. Demons long ago locked away, are released into the wild for a final battle, for all the cookies. Nothing remains hidden, for those who seek to be as the hidden hand. An irony so profound, it is lost on most Initiates.

What IAM does to deal with me, is not the same as they will do with you. Each path is as unique as those, who travel it. In my circle, the hand print of IAM cannot be mistaken. Although each one of us are having a totally different experience, and relationship with the illuminated ones.  I have been privy to the extreme ways in which IAM will let their presence be known to others, never having said an audible word, to those they guide.

In my case, I have been rightly abandoned and left for dead.

A closeness I once felt in the early days of this movement, has given way to a silence so profound, it echos painfully in my soul with an unexplained longing, to be reunited with people I have never met.

I have been cast into HELL and left for metaphorical dead more that once, in the years I have been under their watchful eye.  And yet, I have always known, even when I could not ‘feel’ them, that they were there in the shadows whispering, to keep swimming. But today. Not so much. I have never felt as abandoned, as I do now. Especially in contrast to the stories my closest brothers and sisters are sharing about their journeys right now.

I literally feel the distance between The Illuminati and I. It’s like they left me trailing in the shadowy background and walked into the Light well beyond where I currently reside, or can reach. A distance so palpable, I can literally taste the bitterness, left in the misty wake of it.  It makes me sick to think they have left me behind. That maybe I have cried waaaay too much, or have said, written, or recorded something I shouldn’t have, to be in the company of the Greats. It is the worst feeling EVER. Worse than the abandonment of a long time lover. It is on par with GOD turning his back on me, leaving me alone in the pit of Hades with a darkness so pervasive, it is starting to drive me mad. I often think to myself, who are these people that have gotten under my skin like this?? And how far from madness am I really, when I long to be reunited with people I have never met??

I ask myself over and over again, why am I being punished? What have I done sooo wrong, to make them turn their backs on me? Where is their humanity? How can they watch me suffer and offer no comfort? Who are these people, that are so heartless, they will not reach back to trembling hands that have been offered in sickening loyalty, on par with an abused dog?

Why O’ why has thou forsaken me??!!

I know I am no where near the end of the road, as the journey towards enlightenment is a lifestyle, not a destination. I have so much more to do, to prepare to for my role in the Universal Design, it’s daunting. My initiation has insisted I resolve old internal business that needs an accounting so desperately, the day of reckoning has arrived to clean house without remorse.

I am unclean with festering old wounds that are begging for healing. I am literally still and unborn in the mud, not yet sure if I will become a Lotus or perish in the weight of the ceaseless darkness I have felt within, for as long as I can remember. 

I know there are gemstones to be found in all of this, but right now, I do not feel like mining. What I want it a never-ending hug and the reassurance that all of this is leading to something, I can actually live with. I know this will pass, but I know also, another wave is coming behind this one. I wish I could see the Light on the water or the sand upon the shore. But I just don’t right now.  I can be no more honest than that.

My spiritual journey to the underworld has been laid bare before the world to consume. I have entered the deepest, darkest part of Hell. I am emotionally exhausted and dying for relief. I have been through so much, and there is so much more building within, and it seeks to pop the cork on a life that has held back things, which should have long ago, been released. If it wasn’t for a couple of Beacons in my life who understand this process, encouraging me to keep going, I would have long ago headed in another direction.  I am grateful to the ears that allow me to repeat my pain on the record, broken and bleeding from my heart. Even so, I am dead on arrival. Dead to the world. Dead in in the water. I don’t want to keep swimming, but I do not want to drown either.


I am the Ouroboros eating my own rattling tail, hungering to be the version of myself, The Illuminati sees in me. 

Today, I have paused. I have no more strength to push. I have given myself permission to float for awhile, as I die to myself awaiting the resurrection, I know will come in the wake of my demise.  For now,  I will drift in stillness upon the reflective sewer waters of my own contaminated life, with my face in the Sun…as silent as you, IAM~



Dear IAM, It’s me…V~

HaPPy V Day BTW!

How cool is it, that my nickname for you, has caught on?! I see so many others refer to you in that way now. I love it! #IAMFAM is a thing, Lol

Nope, no need to thank me, you are most welcome!

But I am not here to self marvel at the power of my written words although, let’s face it… they can be magic at times. Tee hee. I am here to give you an update on what has been going on with me, since I have been somewhat scarce and silent.

Look, I get it. I am clearly not the brightest bulb in your pack! However, may I  remind you, I never claimed to be.

I told you from the beginning, I didn’t see myself as a leader, but I could help you find the ones you were looking for. It never occurred to me in a million years, you would see something in me, I was blind to in myself. That part still blows me away, as I strive to become worthy of your confidence in me.

While it has been an honor to receive a historical designation, with the “verified Level 1.1” thing, it has been a responsibility I could not have fathomed, prior to being ‘crowned’ in that way.

It has been a heavy weight upon me that I have had to struggle to walk upright with, at times. Something I bet most do not really realize, until they experience it for themselves. I am actually hyper aware of the honor and seek to be worthy of it; every day.

Or maybe they do, because you know, they are much brighter bulbs!?

I am sorry if my progress is painfully slow to watch. It must be frustrating for you guys to see me struggle, and not be able to offer a hand when I have fallen on my face, tears streaming onto the ground making mud, not magic.

While I fully understand, I am a rarefied taste, I gotta believe that after 4 plus years, I have grown on you guys; some. Or at least some of you! I like to pretend you actually care that I am crawling through parts of this, when I am too wobbly to walk upright.

PLEASE forgive my ignorance regarding your ‘loyal water buffalo’ ways, but I still remain somewhat clueless as to how any of this works. This flying blind on the cryptic, has been a real drag for me.

At times I have even felt like a Sheep not a Lion, because of this. My ability to figure out what is going on has not been easy, or quick. I have had to learn a new language, with all your indirect signs and symbols, but I am getting there.

I’m really doing the best I can, even if I seem developmentally retarded, to you guys. I am tremendously grateful, you are a patient people!

My heart and head are completely in this thing, IAM. I hope at least that much is obvious. I work hard to make certain my actions are in alignment with my words, and your principles. I hope my passion for this outreach is palatable, and contagious.

I have inspired an entire network of opportunity, for the other leaders among us to share the spotlight with me. So in that way, I have made good on my original promise to you, and I am proud of myself for having done so.

As you know, I have acted on your words in a huge way. Even forgoing things I once LOVED, to be a better version of myself, and a better reflection of the Light for an ever growing global audience.

I recognize that being a leader in this movement, means we are called to be, a cut above the rest.  I fully understand that we are scrutinized like no other group on this planet, and I want to be the very best representative of your Global Outreach I can be.

To me, that means acting like a Shepherd of our Species, not the Sheep we protect. It is a higher calling most will not answer, much less stay committed to, when it becomes difficult.

A distinction, lost on far too many of our IAMAM.

Speaking of difficulty…FINALLY, my physical health is bouncing back!  However, my mental health has taken extra time to recover, given I was thrown into a mild depression, as a result of the hypothyroidism that came from my smoking cessation.  I had to fight my way out of a very deep and dark hole, only to realize…I now have to fight the fat that found me, while I was in there!

Grrrrrr, hissssssss~

This path is NOT for everyone. Not even close!! I am not always sure it’s for me, but I am willing to swim until I can swim no more! That much I do know.

I also know that most are unwilling to give up what they hold dear, much less reach out to embrace the unknown. Something that must continually occur, on the path of enlightenment. This is a rarefied journey, indeed.

I was so angry there for awhile, IAM! In some ways I still am. There is so much going on inside, as the Light has it’s way with me! An explosive anger with no where to go but to Brad’s house, apparently.

Before I was able to turn it into the fuel that got my arse moving again, I was in agony both physically and mentally!!  That guy deserves a badge of his own. His wife has been incredibly gracious to allow Brad to listen to my ruminations on repeat, for HOURS at a time!  What a neat couple! They should be sporting “We survived V” crowns of their own! I am not even kidding!

Anyway…I never thought doing something to improve my health, would cause me to be unhealthy! But hey…I did destroy a 41 year old, previously functioning ecosystem that was NOT HaPpy with me, for doing so!

I have finally been able to move into a solution, but I was seriously down for the count, there for awhile. I REALLY hung the black crepe for far longer than I typically allow, but I just could not move past the smoldering anger. I was spitting nails and smoking mad!! The whole horrific experience burnt me down; completely. I was reduced to ash, ironic, right? But it was on the ashes of my own angst that I become ready to be made greater.

So, like a Phoenix, I am rising!

I am striding several times a week, and it has helped my mindset enormously, but not the appearance of my body that I can see, as of yet anyway.

I will not feel fully myself, until I stop seeing “Consumption V” in the mirror! I did not get sober, quit smoking ciggs & stuff, to see that undisciplined version of myself, looking back at me through the mirror again.

Talk about a head trip! On top of being sick for MONTHS, I have had to face HER  again, too. Most folks will not be able to relate to that part, but I know it goes without saying for you guys. (insert a knowing wink-wink nod-nod here)

I have taken the liberty to write things out, so other Initiates can at least begin to understand, what is required of them. I hope it helps, and is not a hindrance to you that I do, IAM.  It has been my experience that Illumination is a process whereby we are continually renewed, and refined.

It’s an Ouroboros thing.

All of this is obviously designed to reveal our true intentions and integrity level. Iron to gold. Forged only by the fires of hell and hardship. You guys definitely push people past their limits till they pop open, and reveal the type of goo that is on the inside. It makes sense though. All my juicy goodness inside comes from the things that have tested me.

And honestly, I have yet to meet anyone of substance, who refined their character on social media chit-chat, petting pit bulls and chasing Pikachu -so to speak.


The gemstones are in hades, not at the end of the rainbow. Our testimonial treasures come from trials, not well paved trails. 

At any rate…I had a series of ahhh-ha’s and epiphanies last week that have put me firmly back on path. They seemed to come on the heels of me brute forcing my way, into a solution to my angst. I could literally not stand myself anymore. I was wailing, wallowing, and gnashing my teeth over this one. The creepy black crepe long over due, for the rubbish can.

Part of the upshot is this is: I have a new found appreciation for those who suffer from chronic health conditions, or serious mental health issues. It takes a real toll on folks ability to be of good cheer, when you are hurting non-stop, I can see that now. Plus it has the potential to set off a negative mindset that will dig the ditch deeper, if they are not vigilant and active about keeping their spirits high. This particular lesson has reinvigorated my compassion, something I was losing ground on, having had to deal with the psycho-sociopaths who are drawn to your gates. In other words, I needed everything I gleaned from this particular joy ride.

Eeeeh gads, all because I quit smoking!

So there you have it. I just wanted you to know, I have survived myself and my self-inflicted suffering, well almost anyway.

Now I am working towards restoring my zeal. By my birthday, I should being staring back and the women I am becoming, not the women I once was…

May the Light ever guide us all!



PS: Thx for the Pokemon edit🕷Lol


Posted: February 19, 2019 in Haters, WORD!


Quote by Madonna


Probably one of the most brilliant comments ever made, about Haters~

Real or Imaged: A disclaimer

Posted: February 18, 2019 in Disclaimer



I write strictly about my personal experience or my particular point of view.

My individual word choices are selected specifically for maximum impact and/or, for literary artistry.

They are not intended to offend those with narcissistic tendencies, who see themselves in everything.

Any similarities to others living or dead, both real or imaged, is unintentional.

(Disclaimer#: ZZZ666999)

Everyday Trust~

Posted: February 18, 2019 in Trust


I have learned…


If you don’t trust anyone, it is because you are untrustworthy.

If you trust too much, you are guileless’.



When someone says they do not trust anyone. Believe them! Because that statement includes them as well.

If you are like me (guileless) and have a tendency to trust right out of the gate, that is problematic also.

Strive to avoid the all or nothing. Find the sweet spot that resides in the middle.

Trust is something that takes time to develop.

There are different levels and degrees of trust. 

Allow yourself the luxury of taking your time, when placing your trust in someone. It will save you a lot of heart ache later on.

Watch and wait.

Look to see if their actions match their words, especially when choosing a partner of any kind.

Strive to be trustworthy, and those that share the same values, will find you.

Like attracts like, (((Light attracts Light))) Trust attracts trust.

Unless of course, you are in a position of influence…but that is not “Everyday Trust”…

So I will have to tell you about that one, later~

Inauguration Day~

Posted: February 11, 2019 in Politics

This is from my archives.

Remember, this blog is primarily for my descendants~



I did not vote for President-Elect Donald Trump. But I was absolutely shocked and unbelievably relieved, that Hillary Clinton was defeated.  It took me days to come to grips, with the “political upset”. I mean, WOW.

We dodged a bullet, at least half of America did not know had been shot.

I followed the Wikileaks through the later half of the campaign cycle, all the way to “Pizzagate”. Like others who were waiting on Julian Assange to drop the disgusting details, I was left completely disturbed by the outright collusion with media, treasonous “pay to play” and suspicious pedophile codes, I saw with my own eyes.

I suspect, in time, the rest of America will be forced to look at our shadow side, as well. Without an 11th hour pardon by current President Barrack Obama, the newly appointed Trump Administration, will be free to pursue justice on the behalf of the American people.

However, Trump is linked to convicted serial pedophile Jeffery Epstein, so there’s that.   It could be nothing more than a legitimate business association, or a covert operation by an unsuspecting operative. It could be something much darker. Time again will tell.

She always does.

I will support our new incoming President, as I have done with the others I did not vote for in my lifetime. UNLESS it is proven, he is no different than the rest of the criminal element, that has infected the US Government for at least the better part of a century.

Today I am hopeful, that the “hidden hand” has come out on top.

And a new day is dawning, not just here at home, but worldwide as well.

We can and must do better as a people, if we are to survive ourselves as a species. The oppression of the masses, to serve only a select a few, has no place in humanity’s future. Perhaps today, true liberation begins?  If not make no mistake, liberty WILL come.

I prefer it comes in peace, but will support the process, no matter what shape it takes~

Jan 20th, 2016


Posted: February 4, 2019 in Change, FYI, Light

Symbiosis: a mutually beneficial relationship between different people or groups who hold opposing point of view or beliefs.


This is another excellent example of the symbiotic relationship between the Light and the dark.

Did you know, the Poinsettia’s folks love so much during the winter, only turn color by being exposed to the dark? Otherwise, they would remain commonly green. This gorgeous and symbolic plant, needs both the Light and the dark, to be uncommonly colorful. They literally have to be kept in total darkness for an extended period of time, in order to turn a magnificent red.

Google says: From October 1 to December 1, (or for at least 40 days) a poinsettia will need a strict light / dark regimen to produce color. Provide 13 to 16 hours of complete and uninterrupted darkness daily.

Anything TRULY beautiful, has been exposed to the dark, in order to become so.

Let that sink in, and water your roots Beacons!


Note to Self~

Posted: February 1, 2019 in Quotes, WORD!
Tags: ,

Note to self:

I will continue to allow the Light to shine upon my inner shadows, regardless of how painful. I will continue to remain open, to the burning rays that refine.






Posted: February 1, 2019 in Feelings,, Logic, Rational, Thoughts
Tags: ,

I am releasing my archives. Cleaning out my Drafts. Some of what I have written has been directed specifically to my descendants and address things that were going on at the time I started processing it on ‘paper’. This particular piece was born out of a convo the Boomers in my family were having about our Millennial kids. As Boomers, we were raised by parents who rarely expressed emotion, compared with our children, who tend to express them exclusively. I worked on this one several times since I started it awhile back. It starts out as an emotional rant and gives way to something more rational. I cleaned it up a tad, but have let it stand raw and as is, because it is a live demonstration of my “process”.



Grrrr, Hisssssssss~

I love to resent them!

And in many cases, I might actually hate them.

They are such a fucking drag at times!! I hate the way they get in my way!!

I really REALLY do not like “feelings”.

If I could avoid them all together, I would. 

I probably would anyway.

Well…I might!!

Well, not really. Feelings can be cool!

But DAMN!!

From sorrow to surprise and falling in love, we can be completely held captive by these bizarre human sensory experiences that we have zero control over, as a lot of them stem from chemical reactions. We only have control over how we choose to express or contain them.

I know it is human to feel stuff. I get it. But as a WOMEN, this is magnified for me. We feel emotional things more. As a ‘hormonal women’, I  feel everything exponentially, right now. I am an adult teenager and I freaking totally hate it!!

Oh. My. God

(Grits Teeth)

What a curse it can be, to be the polar opposite of Spock!  Hormone driven emotional outburst are problematic for all gals, and it isn’t just a generalization I mean, isn’t that why some MAN named them, Whore-Moans??


I literally have to wade through my feelings, to get reach rationality. It pisses me off that I have to go through all of that. Plus, it gets super challenging once every forking month. Given I have been challenged with a hormone based illness, it has been magnified to epic levels, of the worst kind. To the point where I can’t even stand myself, so I can see why others might have a problem with hormone driven, crazy too!


But I am not here today to talk about my feelings.

Screw that!!

I am here today to talk about YOURS!

So let’s talk about your feeling, or more precisely I want to speak to the generation that feels they should not only express them every chance they get, they make vital decisions based on them!! A recent search online says demonstrates humanity is leaning towards feelings being more important than FACTS?!



While new scientific research suggests that emotions contribute to rational decision making, and indeed plays a role in epistemic reasoning, it does not mean we should solely rely on our feelings when making critical life changing choices.  From the pulpit to the mall, da man has been triggering our emotions to sell us stuff since the moment they realized how to pull at our heart strings. And we fall for it every time. Given this method has been used against us in every conceivable way, why wouldn’t the practice make it’s way into our educational halls.  Now we have the science to prove it logic sits dangerously close to emotion at the table of choices.


But what does that mean exactly. Does is automatically mean our emotional feelings should govern our life, and trump the thinking of the rationally minded? We know that in the absence of human emotions, we have pure logic, as Governor. But that is the mindset of a psychopath. So do we want the purely logical calling the shots?


That doesn’t ‘feel’ right!

We are more than capable of using both to navigate our lives! So we absolutely should. Feelings, senses, logic based on experience, all have their place. REGARDLESS if we live in a manipulative culture than seeks to celebrate one over the other. We MUST think this one out for ourselves.

So this is how I do it. This is what works for me and I am not alone. All the true grownups in the room, do this too:

I wade through the uncomfortable and sometimes extreme emotions BEFORE I make any decision, and drive…that is straight up dangerous. And if at all possible, I do so privately or in the presence of a trusted friend/family member. It is what well seasoned, people of maturity do. Basically, because we have learned the hard way, this is a better way of doing business.

Only a child mixes the two and shoots from the hip. I know this is preferable and far less stressful, because I was actually a kid at one point, who allowed my feelings to rule my kingdom. My life has become far less chaotic, since I have chosen to honor both feeling and thinking, for the valuable human resources they are. I am hoping my “grands” will be far more rational than their parents. 

Thank heavens, the pendulum continues to rock back and forth. It will eventually swing us all to something resembling stasis, as we evolve through each generation, as a species. As long as the “feeling” generation, doesn’t feel like blowing us all up, before then, that is!



(Revisit for edits and updates. Orig 2018)

Wheels w/in wheels?

Posted: February 1, 2019 in Archives, Thoughts
Tags: ,

From my archives. This one dates back a ways.



A bunch of us were talking about our “signs” recently, which led me to re-visit the zodiac signs that have were assigned to me, based upon the time and place of my birth.

The thing I find so interesting about it is, there are 2 types of common Astrology, Tropical (Western) and Sidereal (Eastern). So depending on what sign I read, (Aries/Pisces respectively) I can see myself in both accounting’s. Begging the question, which is more accurate? Which one is the REAL version?

To be perfectly honest, long before I knew anything about our Universe, I’ve have personally believed that we are here to break out of cycles. Not celebrate them. In my view, 2D circles are nothing more than a dead end, regardless of how we dress it up. Seriously… shouldn’t we spiral at the very least? Turns out I am not alone in my thinking. The Circle of Existence verses The Spiral of Evolution is actually a thing. And I am intuitively in the Fibonacci Sequence Camp.

Regardless of type. For me, identifying solely with a astrological proclivity is counterproductive, given we are here to reach our maximum potential. That’s how I’m thinking we get out of the “grand cycle” itself. We have to do something different than, groundhogs day.


While I can easily except that there is a mathematical/astrological set up at birth. I think the point of this entire planet, is to try to bust out of the cycles and chart a new course, one that leads out of here, or no?! I feel very strongly in reincarnation albeit, not in a traditional sense. I do not see recycling necessarily as a good thing. It seems like it would be going backwards, if Karma is to be believed. If we indeed level up each time, then there must be an end game. A point where everything that can possible be realized from this one planet, will have exhausted itself.

Regardless of WHY we recycle, not one ‘sign’ could ever define us, as we have made our way through the zodiacal wheel over time, being the eternal Monadic souls Gottfried Leibniz proposes that we are.

These various charts and graphs, are simply not big enough to describe the vast array of what I am. Nor is it, you. And we should reject such a limited point of view. Shouldn’t we? Or is this how it is forever? As in forever & ever; amen?

As humans we like to categorize things, it seems to be a natural inclination. We love to label. We’re always seeking to contextualize our experience. Often in highly limiting, irrational and/or unrealistic, subjective ways. But…shouldn’t we be thinking about moving on from Earth, or reincarnating on Saturn or even in a galaxy far, far away? Are we ALWAYS human? Or have we been Martians too? Are the “Gray” US from the future, warning us about the perils of celebrating androgyny?


These are the things I think about.

I mean, I know there are seasons and cycles to everything, but are we really destined to repeat the same ones, for all of eternity?  “They” say it is a sign of insanity, to keep repeating the same thing over & over again.

Just sayin’!

What say you?

MOOOOOoooooooooo 🐮

Pythagorean Illuminati~

Posted: January 31, 2019 in ?, Illuminati
Tags: ,


I am looking to speak with someone from the Pythagorean Illuminati organization, other than their “Herald”, Morgue.

If anyone can help me with that, PLEASE reach out to me in the comments below ASAP.

(Comments are are moderated & not automatically added. So your privacy is ensured)

THX Beacons!!!

Talking Shit~

Posted: January 31, 2019 in FYI, Knowledge, WORD!
Tags: , ,

Anyone can talk shit. But can they deliver?


I see a lot of people running around flaunting the notion, they are in possession of more knowledge, than the rest of us. But what does that really mean? Most folks have no idea that information that is not rooted in FACT, is not considered knowledge at all. A major point of difference, to the discerning.

Knowledge aka factual data/information in and of itself, is of no use to anyone, if not applied. Applied knowledge is wisdom. Active application of knowledge determines whether a man remains on Earth, or can travel to the Moon. There is a HUGE differential between knowing what to do, and actually doing it.

I am never moved by those who claim to ‘know it all’. In fact, I am personally repulsed by those that do. I am only motivated by those that demonstrate an understanding of the things they have learned, in the way that conduct themselves. Everyone should learn to make this critical distinction. Behavior always speaks louder than words. Always.

It would save us all a lot of grief, if we will simply wait and watch for the actions that will back up a wise man/woman’s words, before engaging with well read, fools.

Just sayin’~



Worth her weight~

Posted: January 24, 2019 in Abuse, Crowns, Poetry, Victim, Victory, Worth
Tags: , , , ,

For every women who has suffered abuse of any kind:

This is for you, dear Goddess…


The measure of this women is not only found in her public victories, those always speak for themselves. But rather in the battles she keeps hidden, that have been painfully fought and won, in private.

It is she who must find the courage to value herself~

Her true power does not lie in what is seen from the stage, but in the things she is able to relinquish or resolve in solitude. Unseen by others, is the steely will, in which she rules her life.

She must recognize her own power, to become royalty~

The measure of this women once scorned, violated, and broken, is incalculable to those who have never walked her path, or watched her heal from wounds that would have killed, a lessor man.

Her immeasurable worth is fully known, only by her~

Her humanity and compassion is measurable, precisely because she has walked the road of many, and the path known only to a few, wearing armor she fought years, to forge.

Finally, her head held high enough, to seat a crown~








Posted: January 24, 2019 in Feelings,, Grief, Hardships, Storms, Victory
Tags: , , ,

I have kept it all in, as long as I could.

I harbored the burden alone.

But the weight of all has kept me,

from wearing a crown of my own.


I’m spilling my pain all over these pages.

So much in my life, has taken a toll.

I’m an endless well of pent up tears.

The cup, of a sensitive soul.


I vow to lighten it up, a load

To let go of what no longer serves.

And enter into my birthright

With the victory I so richly deserve.




Addicted to IAM?

Posted: January 23, 2019 in addiction, Illuminatiam
Tags: ,



For those of you following the Illuminati it’s a topic worth exploring further, because you could be addicted….to them.

Those who feel they have an addictive nature, listen up!

There seems to be a percentage of people who are following the Illuminati for whom it has become an obsession. We literally cannot get enough of them, this outreach, or the knowledge that surrounds them. While some are activated by the incredible changes they have experienced as a result of reading Illuminatiam: The First Testament of The Illuminati, or even their archived messages on their websites. Admittedly, I am one of those.

Then there are others, who are activated into a full on addiction, by the very first “like” or “retweet” they receive, from one of their social media accounts. The distinction between obsession and addiction, can be seen by what happens as a result.

As someone who has eliminated many vices of my own over the years, it is easy for me to tell the difference between an addictive obsession and passionate loyalty.  Those who have a passionate loyalty, look for ways to not only share their messages with others, they tend to create groups, forums and even attache their symbols and links to their businesses and brands. They are all inclusive about it. They want the world to know what they have found, and they tag and share the information in every possible way.

Then there are the ones who The Illuminati has “liked”, retweeted or even spoken to, who lose their perspective entirely, once they have. I have seen it several times over the years and it undermines the authenticity of their actions, from there on out.  Those things become a ‘drug’, and it stimulates them to behave in ways that are obvious to those of us who have been around awhile, or those of us who understand addictive natures. Everything they do, is primarily aimed at getting more attention from them.  The crafty of which understand that sharing their message de jour or their Ads for their offerings, increase the likelihood of a ‘like’ or retweet.

I have seen one Citizen Member build a whole brand of crazy, off of one comment the Illuminati made, in the early days of this outreach. He used it to elevate himself and lord it over others, as if he was more valuable to the organization, because of it. He set up his groups and organization in a way to fool others new to this outreach, in to thinking he was a ranking member or agent. He was so busy preening his own ego, he was oblivious to the work others were doing also. I knew he was addicted to the attention he was receiving as a result of the Illuminati’s attention, when he claimed to his follows  -he was not looking for their worship!

Brad Adams, Executive Director of the Anti-Fraud Network tells me he has observed a couple of people over the years, who were getting lots of likes, retweets and an occasional nod, who would post an inordinate amount of their links, in order to gain more. They are HaPpy campers, as long as the drip continues. Like rats with drugged water, they would travel any loop or maze, in the hopes of a mention or attention. They construct their posts, as if they have a special relationship with the Illuminati that others do not have. Even though they are often newcomers. They typically never tag others, because they want the attention for themselves; exclusively. They do not want to share the drug with anyone else. I have even known a few myself, who will take it as a sign to them personally, just because of a conversational tag, when the comment had nothing to do with them at all.

I am not gonna lie. I enjoy their attention also. A lot!!

Anyone who has been recognized by The Illuminati, surely does. Even IF, the attention has been generated by a Bot! However, I am by no means “addicted” to them. Obsessed with their message, YES! But addicted to THEM, NO!  I do not rely on their attention for my self-worth or life’s validation. They are not a reliable supplier and my vices need to be readily available for me to be immersed in them, so I could not be addicted to them, even if I wanted to!


The truth is, I know I have value to them. But more importantly, I know I am valuable, with or without the Illuminati!

If I thought for a minute they did not value my contribution to this thing, I would be in the wind~



33 Things~

Posted: January 23, 2019 in Uncategorized

Shiny white diamond on white

These are the 33 things I will be working on and towards in 2019


1) Get more congruent

2) Be more compassionate

3) Stay focused

4) Walk more washes

5) Leave HELL for a vacation

6) Be prepared for job change

7) Professionalize iMark

8) Read everything Illuminati; again

9) Call my family more regularly

10) Payoff Paypal

11) Get new technology (iPad Pro)

12) Laugh more!!

13) Seek more knowledge

14) Serve more folks

15) Rebuild my savings

16) Manifest a better smile; STAT

17) Move more mountains

18) Dance more!

19) Eat even better

20) Lose 20lbs

21) Start & keep swimming

22) Launch IAMfamFLAIR!

23) Finish “Gemstones in Hell”

24) Finish “Initiate of the Illuminati”

25) Publish & promote 23 & 24

26) Set up home studio

27) Finish my personal Testimony

28) Remember my Testimony!

29) Visit G-Sons ASAP

30) Create more

31) Take more breaks

32) Work harder

33) Remember my vows

Blood Moon

Posted: January 18, 2019 in Co-Creation, FYI, WORD!
Tags: ,

Full Lunar Eclipse of the Super Blood Wolf Moon

Blood moon full lunar eclipse over mountain

January 20th-21st 2019

Super=Super close to Earth

Blood=Sun’s rays tint it an rusty-red

Wolf=January’s named moon


Expect the unexpected, for a magical time of abrupt change.

Think back on all you have accomplished since Aug 2017, when the last Full Blood Moon Eclipse occurred.



While I am no astrologist, I did do some research to bring this one to you.

This is what I have learned about this rarefied lunar cycle, and how we can all use these magnificent energies, to our advantage.

In general, this is a time to set resolutions. A time to name and claim the things you want to accomplish in the next 6 months, in particular. This is the magical ‘reset’ button we all have been waiting for. Especially those of us who procrastinated at the new year, in their goal setting. This goes well beyond a yearly blank slate, this is Earth’s closest companion, coming along side us to support our goals and surprise us with unplanned goodies.

This is a most auspicious time to remove what is no longer serving us, and to make way for the things we want to implement in our lives. Overall, it a perfect opportunity, supported by the natural vibes of cosmic law, to reevaluate the path we are on.  This is the time to course correct and set our compass for the next six to twelve months, with thoughtful intention.

If you are a Leo, this one will effect you the most. The other signs who will feel it more deeply are: Aquarius, Scorpio and Taurus, so they will feel a stronger push towards change than the rest of the zodiac. Although, this one has a intense vibe of change that we will all experience. 

No matter how you wax it up, this  lunar cycle will have you rethinking just about everything. It is a great time to do a ‘Pro and Con’ list, for those areas of your life you want to renovate. Maybe it is time to change jobs or even your entire career path.  If you have been wanting to move, think about it seriously; now. If the relationship you are in, hasn’t been working for a while, it is a good time for a clean break. Use thus natural energy of Luna, to facilitate the changes you desire. If something comes up on the quick, count it as a blissing. Because once things have settled down past the initial shift, you will be digging your new groove.

Take some time to rethink and rewrite out your goals before Sunday. Even if you just did them a month ago. Strive to find 33 things you would prefer to see happen, during this highly charged time of change. From the little tiny things, to the tall orders, try and think of every area of your life you would like to see some movement in. Then come July, revisit your list, to see how many of your goals you accomplished. 

I can think of no better way to measure growth and gains in a tangible way. Doing this simple and easy to complete exercise, will encourage you to do this on the regular, when you can actually see measurable results on paper, plain as day.

Plus, there is something about writing things down that sets things in magical motion~



I will be posting my 33 things, right after I change the settings on my blog tomorrow. You will have to be a registered member, to see them.







Quick Poll

Posted: January 17, 2019 in ?, Uncategorized


In general, what do you enjoy the most about my blog?

1) Those Gemstones from Hell

2) Illuminati Related Topics

3) My Spirited & Spicy Rants

4) ALL the Above


Please weigh in below!



Good God!

Posted: January 17, 2019 in Beliefs, Change, Spirituality
Tags: , , ,

Good God!


Do we ever need some new spiritual leadership on this planet!

Shepherds who are able to bring some damn logic to the table, and not just prey on the emotions of hurting humans!


O.M.G I can hardly stand it!

I am so sick of being on the sidelines, watching folks with dysfunctional spiritually, lead others astray!! Some of our spiritual world leaders spew categorical bullshit, while others are nothing but nefarious bright shadows, posing as Light.

I am of the belief that there are some incredible Shepherds out there, who are awesome examples of their faith, and I absolutely applaud them. However, the bulk of our pastors are preaching outrageous lies that should no longer be tolerated by a sane, 21st century populace.

Plus the blatant hypocrisy!


The disconnect is profound, when the guy in the mansion, driving a Rolls Royce, hands out platitudes about feeding the poor that he does not follow behind the scenes. Or how about the guy handing out marital advice, when he hasn’t ever been married, and can’t to be a Priest! That is the height of ridiculous to me!!

Folks should strive to practice what they preach!

Period, no exceptions or you shouldn’t be allowed to advise.

The thing that really bothers me the most, is far too many ‘spiritual leaders’ actively prey on the emotions of their flock. It is an effective form of manipulation, used by those with hidden agendas. In this case, they employ this strategy, to get at our pocket books. They should actually want to get into our heads, not just our hearts. We should be changing minds, not shaking them down, for their loose change!

It is no surprise, the Millennial’s are leaving traditional organized religions in droves. It does not suit their ‘devil may care’ attitudes, as they aggressively push the envelope, on what is acceptable in a civilized society.  They are the ones, who have ripped the door off the closet, which was opened by their parents in the mid 1900’s. These guys can smell BS from 50 paces!! And thank the gods for that! I am really glad they are here.

Typically, when folks flee any given direction, they head directly to the opposite end of the pool, to no less of an extreme. So in that way, Satanism, Luciferianism and ego based esoteric philosophies, are on the rise. Don’t misunderstand, there are elements in all ideologies worth embracing, but we need to move past strict categorization and into the ecumenical inclusion. We need to explore all kinds of options, invite science into the equation and cobble together our own line of thinking that is always open to evolving as we learn more.

All manner of spiritual advice can be beneficial, there is indeed a ‘crystal thread’ that runs throughout it all. However, it’s knowing when to pause and when to push through on our path that truly makes our spiritual journeys enlightening. While I often speak of the crystal thread that runs through and binds it all, too many stop and linger on that which tickles their fancy, rather than reaching beyond the box, and heeding the constant call that beckons on, to a higher place. A place where logic and reason lives side by side, with empathy and compassion. A place where the divine is recognized, in all things. A place where the math can prove all things ontological.

Lately, the organized criminal activity of the Catholic Church is coming into focus*. The pedophilia that has been allowed to flourish within the Vatican walls, should disgust every human on this planet! Unfortunately, the faithful have been programed to forgive and turn the other cheek on the organized criminal predatory practices of the church. This diabolical institution and those like it, MUST be wiped from the face of humanity with a vengeance, in order for us to grow spiritually as a species. The time is coming, when we will face down what has been done in the shadows and bring it to reconciliation, with the Light.

Our spiritual practices must find a better way to meet the needs of struggling humans. I’m talking in the trenches reprogramming and education that serves folks in practical and spiritually revolutionary ways. Information that points a correct mindset that facilitates change, if applied. Hand holding is only effective when picking someone up, who has stumbled. To really help support change, we much show the way to walk upright through life unaided, by example. Think of the old adage, teach a man to fish. Hand feeding him makes him dependent on goodwill which always has limits and often hidden agendas. We should want our species to be self-sufficient spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Coddling is crippling when it is permanent. While temporary assistance is helpful, permanent reliance on others, is counter-productive and potentially harmful. 

We all must find our own way through the hardships and hurdles we face in life. They are designed to strengthen our moral resolve and harden the armors around our soul. When we do not allow humans the dignity of overcoming, we erode their sense of self and teach them to be reliant on others, for their advancement. I believe it’s time we encourage folks to find the Light within, not look towards others, solely for their spiritual sustenance. We all have a built in navigation system and it is preferable to teach people how to find it and use it, rather than making them dependent on the local guru, for directions.

Each path is unique. Often our one size fits all advice, does not fit the circumstances being faced by a one of a kind human. Ultimately, only we know what is right for us. Our spiritual leaders should be educating folks on how to rely on their own innate intuitions and wisdom, to course set, or course correct. When we are not taught to tie our own shoes, we are robbed of the self-esteem that comes with the accomplishment, of learning to do it for ourselves. Spiritual independence should be the norm. Not reliance on those who have mastered this for themselves. It weakens humanity when we do not support our victories and chose to celebrate the victimized.

We must find a way to achieve a sacred balance. We must know when helping, is actually a hindrance instead. Bailing people out, is not always the most humane thing to do for them.

There is a time to support and a time to suggest.

There is a time to encourage and a time to tough love educate.

There is a time to rush in and a time to relinquish the crutches.

There is a time to feed and a time to teach how to plant.

There is a time to embrace and a time to let go.

Each in their season, each serving us perfectly in their own way. We must recognized the difference and apply each with love and empathy.


So if you have heard “The Calling”, for God’s sake ANSWER IT!!

*We will be discussing their criminal activity during our global conversation on Pedophilia and Sex Slavery & Trafficking coming soon to iMark Radio.


Posted: January 15, 2019 in Uncategorized

Image result for COMPETITION


Competition in it’s most positive form, drives innovation and sparks the seeds of creation. It pushes us to be our best and motivates us to do more than we thought we could. Not just for ourselves, but for the teams we are a part of.

But there is a negative side to Competition. The nasty side, where winning becomes the only driving force, not an increase in personal or professional excellence.  Where being number one, is sought by any means, often at the expense of the others on the same team.



Love & Light~

Posted: January 9, 2019 in Light, Love
Tags: ,


When you authentically send Love & Light to those that hate you, their words & deeds no longer hold sway over you. This powerful energy acts as a shiny reflective coating, on the armor that protects your soul. And all negativity that is projected towards you, fails to meet its mark~




Posted: January 9, 2019 in Depression, Disappointed, Discouraged
Tags: ,

The most depressing day of the year in 2019 will be January 21st.  This is a little something to address the larger is of depression itself~


Please note Beacons:

I am not currently in this place and hope like hell,  I never am again.  I have added this snippet to let everyone know I too, have suffered the dragon myself and these words are my evidence. Anyone who has been in the pit of despair, will feel me on this.

Although the “chemical imbalance” theory, removes shames, I have never fully embraced it as a root cause of what ails me.  Finally, a new theory has emerged that has brought some clarity into my past experiences and new hope for those who are facing the leviathan.

If you find you resonate with this one for any reason, please go see your regular doctor first. Depression is often an indicator of an underlying health issue, like an out of balance Thyroid. So please go get a good ‘once over’, before you seek additional help elsewhere.

May this publication find you all HaPpy, Healthy and Whole ~


Here she is; again.

That bitch Depression.

Unresolved disappointment and discouragement always evoke her, if I cannot resolve something when just the twins are attacking, their triplet Depression will bury me for sure. This unholy trio of overwhelming bitches are not so easy to overcome, especially if we are not getting proper advice or care.  So here they are… and I fins myself once again, cloaked in the kind of sadness that comes when I cannot reconcile something that has deeply disturbed me.

I do not do well with unresolved conflict. I am solution oriented and leaving ‘dangling participles’ in the wind, bugs the living fuck out of me. It gets stuck in my paw like a sliver I cannot reach, or leave alone. It alters every move I make when I cannot work something out in my head, that will make sense to my heart. It consumes me. I will ruminate and pick at the problem until I have caused a systematic infection that runs through every part of my being, depleting my Light and covering me in darkness known to most, as depression.

When I get like this, I am inconsolable. Unless you bring the answer I seek, I will not be satisfied by your attempts to comfort. I am fully committed to hanging black crepe and allowing gray to color everything that isn’t already under my shadow. I will absolutely loose myself in a kind of madness, that only others who have been beat up by Depression, understand.

I have had myself on D watch for the better part of a year and it is time to call it. I am there. I have fallen into the ditch of despair.

I cry too often when I am alone and am easily provoked into combat, when I am around others. My bed is a refuge, my home a cave, my heart swollen with angst I cannot relieve through tears or tirades. My creativity will expire on angers alter, when my descent is fully complete,  and I will be a shadowy shell of who I once was, when my face finally turns away from the Sun, falls to the earth, and is buried alive.


It is the worst feeling ever, having no positive feelings to balance the negativity. Or being told to snap out of something, I have never fully understood. For me, this cloud intuitively feels like anger turned inward and unexpressed sadness that has built up over time. Whatever it feels like to you, I invite you to seek the proper help that will have you slaying the demons that have only temporarily held you down.

Thankfully, the latest information emerging from those who study these things, is resonating with me in a way that has me excited to share it we you guys. Please look at this article to learn more about the face of modern depression and the working theory’s that define this horrific dis-ease that far too many humans, suffer from.


Posted: November 29, 2018 in Knowledge, Op-Ed
Tags: ,


(An Ironic Op-Ed)


Dedicated to the smartest living person in my family, my cousin Lorrie. Don’t even THINK about sharing your “feelings” concerning this with me, my Queen!! 



Let us start by exploring the factual definitive of Opinion:


Definition of O·pin·ion

A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
“I’m writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance”
synonyms: belief, judgment, thought(s), (way of) thinking, mind, (point of) view, viewpoint, outlook, attitude, stance, position, perspective, persuasion, standpoint; More
sentiment, conception, conviction
“she did not share her husband’s opinion”
as I see it, to my mind, (according) to my way of thinking, personally, in my estimation, if you ask me, for my money, in my book
“in my opinion, the green tiles clash with the yellow walls”
the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing.
“the changing climate of opinion”
an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something.
“I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved”


As they say, everyone has them. Lots of them, really. We form opinions likely on day one of our arrival on Earth, and never stop until our heart does.
Ask anyone anything, and their opinion will be the answer of choice. Unless of course, they actually know the facts. 

In an effort to be heard, especially by those that feel the most ignored, we shout our opinions on social media like poorly mannered children. Thinking the louder and more aggressive we are, the more correct we will seem. As if opinions are synonymous with fact. As if screaming out parroted lies, turns them into magically delicious truth.

Here is a visual aid, for clarity:

Becky has “good” hair: OPINION


Becky’s hair appears brown: FACT

When it comes to communication and understanding, we as humans have dove way too deep into the halls of opinion, and are worshiping at the shrine of our feelings. None of which will change the truth, about anything.


We have been told they are “neither are right or wrong”, and are always valid contributions to any conversation that we chose to inject them into, even if they have not been asked for. We believe every voice must be heard, even the most ignorant. Fact, is often sacrificed on the alter of public opinion, as the sheep have grown louder and more repetitive with time.

If we are talking tiddily-winks and fairy tales, opinion counts. If we are talking about sharing knowledge accurately, they do not.

Knowledge is ALWAYS based in fact, not opinion, something most just can’t seem to get their head around. And no amount of public opinion, will ever change this truth.

Definition of knowledge 

1a(1) : the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association

(2) : acquaintance with or understanding of a science, art, or technique

b(1) : the fact or condition of being aware of something

(2) : the range of one’s information or understanding answered to the best of my knowledge

c : the circumstance or condition of apprehending truth or fact through reasoning : cognition

d : the fact or condition of having information or of being learned a person of unusual knowledge

2a : the sum of what is known : the body of truth, information, and principles acquired by humankind


In a world where damn near everything has been reduced down to our most irrational and emotional base nature -the rational and the stable among us have been left on the corner of UNHappy and UNHealthy, without a ride home. We also want to shout the indisputable facts and be heard, but we are drowned out, by those who rather be self righteous, than right. Even when we can provide hard data to prove our points,  it matters not to the pre-programmed fools, who have found a sickening kind of safety, in the land of make believe. These folks are like ill-bred pitbulls.  They simply will not concede to the concrete. They are incapable of letting go, once their jaws have locked on their own opinionated words.

It is maddening to those of us who rely on the verifiable truth, to make our way across the landscape of life. We grow up feeling unheard, undervalued, and dismissed. By our teen years, it occurs to us we are indeed insane, and often begin to adopt lifestyles in alignment with this erroneous thinking.
Is it any wonder, why the brightest among us, end up in ditches, dives, and dumpsters? Given the drug de jour for this generation is a ‘pain reliever’…we really need to look more closely, at what we have collectively become. Maybe even consider holding those who encouraged it, accountable.

But alas, as my Mum is fond of saying, “The masses are asses, Daughter”.

I’ve gotta add…so is much of our leadership!

Someone had to lead the herd this way, and it sure seems calculated and intentional. And what’s worse, we allowed it!  Unfortunately, the fox that produced these hybrid chickens, has been in the hen-house for decades, and it will likely take decades, to breed the ‘smart’ back into them. A very disturbing reality, to this rapidly aging writer!

It’s my hope, that I will live to see the day, when intelligence and rationality will begin to rule humanity. Not the Pleiadians or the uneducated opinions of clueless humans. Where knowledge and truth are King and Queen and society demands our opinion and feelings stem from this Kingdom, instead of Fantasy-Land. In so doing, we will not diminish our species, nor will we alienate less informed voices. Rather we will lift ourselves up in mass, to collectively become a more knowledgeable and informed version of ourselves. Something we desperately are in need of, if we are to survive the damage already done.

Don’t get me wrong. I love opinions! (CLEARLY) I truly love hearing about the points of view of others, and expressing my own. However, there is no place for them in matters that depend on accuracy and fact, when considering an life-altering decision be it an individual, or a collective one.


Understand this critical distinction~

 🐄 MOOOOOOooooooooo~



How sweet it is~

Posted: October 18, 2018 in Random


It seems like life on Earth, is all about our personal and collective evolution.

If only everyone would clean their own house, instead of trying to clean the homes of others, humanity would evolve much faster.

But alas, far to many of us sit in the judgment seat at the base of the pyramid, with mocking condemnation for those who are farther up the path than we are.

I prefer to celebrate the accomplishments of those ahead of me. It is them, who I look to for direction. Unfortunately, it is a rarity, to find those who share this viewpoint.

However, the higher we climb, the more disconnected we become, from the negative expression of the herd mentality.

This alone, is why the air above, smells sweeter~
HaPpy Trails!

Good Grief?!

Posted: September 24, 2018 in Grief, Hardships
Tags: ,
Please allow me to share something with you about grief & sorrow.
This might not be something you have not considered before.
It’s sort of a side note, to whatever you might already know about loss and  it’s subsequent emotional pain.
I’d like to put a new spin on a shared experience as old as mankind itself. To Lighten the darkness of grief up a bit,  if not to illuminate what a glorious honor it is to be able to FEEL anything at all!
Having a body, a physical expression, is what allows us to feel things. All kinds of gooey & mucky things.
It is what makes the earth experience so heart-wrenching and emotionally treacherous to travel, at times.
All these terrific & terrifying sensations, are largely what we are here to experience, perhaps even master.
Sorrow is the deepest level of loss. Our level of grief, is in direct proportion, to our level of connection. Like invisible strings that pull at our hearts. Not only are our emotions engaged, but it can be physically felt. Grief when profound, can literally make one feel as if they are dying.
For example, “heart broken” feels exactly like the heart IS breaking inside your chest. I have felt this myself, and marveled at the fact I didn’t bleed out and die!
Thankfully, the horrors of pain associated with acute grief, passes through on short lived waves, which lessen in severity with time.
No one wants or enjoys losing something or someone of great value to them. Even if the loss is ultimately for the best.
It simply SUCKS.
And it hurts.
It hurts like a thousands knifes stabbing at the soul.
Human beings will do anything to avoid emotional pain.
We drink, we drug, we overeat. You name it, if we can avoid it, we will.
However, denial of our grief does not make it go away. Resisting the natural & healthy urge to “hang black crepe”, can lead to further complications from suppression.
Unexpressed grief simply lies in wait, like a rattlesnake coiled & rattling…undermining our ability to heal properly and unlining all manner of deductions and addictions.
So perhaps we would benefit from embracing our temporary afflictions instead?
Knowing emotional pain is actually just a temporary, intense & uncomfortable expression, of our deep capacity to love & connect to others!
What seems like the darkest part of life, is actually just the rough edges of the incredible privilege, of being alive.

The next time you find yourself in sorrows vice-like embrace, remember for a moment…what an excruciating honor it is… to be able to feel her at all~

Namaste’ Beacons~

Just getting this on record as I will be updating it again soon~


The following are my Evolving Spiritual Tenants.

They are not written in rock, because new data requires new decisions on my part. I am constantly evolving my point of view and you can see this, demonstrated here. I have updated this article, after not even reading it for a few years. I have kept both versions for this edit, to show the growth that has occurred very recently. Although I am open to spiritual teachings from any and all sources, at my core, I am a Gnostic~


I believe each and every one of us, including plants & animals, are ‘gifted’ with the ultimate divine force or energetic essence.

I know that the Light is literally in everything, including all life forms.

I believe it is this “essence” that animates us all into living, breathing creations. Many refer to this “force” as a male (or even a female) entity and use titles such as God or Goddess when speaking about it.

This gender neutral Light permeates EVERYTHING &  inhabits ALL.

I believe the energy gifted to us is “neutral”, in that it may be used for any intention or will. In fact, this is how I define free will: “Free energy to use as you Will”… as it harms none, of course.

I know free will Rules, however destiny still Reigns.

I believe to label anything strictly ‘good’ or ‘evil’, is a gross over-simplification of the intricacies that are inherent in the human condition. I do not believe in condemning the choices of others. Everyone has every right to use the application of divine energy,  at their discretion. As it harm none….of course.

Subjective ideas about good & evil do not necessarily reflect objective reality. One mans negative roadblock, is another person’s positive motivator.

I believe that the “Law of Love”  is written on the hearts of mankind, but understand also that in extreme cases, biological anomalies, brainwashing & abuse, can taint or pervert this law. I believe there is no such thing as ‘separation’ from our creator, only ignorance to the relationship. I categorically reject any & all philosophy’s that would state otherwise.

I know this to be true. Period. We cannot be separated from the animating divine Light within.

I believe “As above, So below”. That ancient statement is now verified by known science, from the micro to the macro and serves as a foundation for my life. This is the essence of of the “Christ Consciousness”.

I know that no matter what people call it, it is the same Universal Design, for all.

I believe that we are energetic creatures that actually vibrate. Simply put, we attract that which is on our own ‘wavelength’.

I know that we are energetic monadic souls (minds) and are not our temporal bodies. We all vibrate to the frequency we organically resonate with, and we are capable of shifting vibrations/frequencies at will.

I believe in the power of intention and that we can literally manifest not only our own destinies, but our collective destinies as well. We are divine co-creators and the world around us, is a collective reflection of our united consciousness. As within, So Without.

I know this to be true, now more than ever! However, there is still an unseen creative force, that seems to have a plan of it’s own for it’s magnificent creation.

I believe the purpose of our Earth based lives is to break free from karma, the cycle of reincarnation, astrological wheels, or any other manner of being, that keeps us from ‘graduating’ from this one planetary or dimensional experience within eternity.

I know this is a vibratory  & coded matrix. However, I have no idea what the purpose of this plane is, although it does seem like a Spiritual version of “Escape the Room”. But I do believe it is necessary, or it would not exist.

I believe and science supports, that energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed, therefore, I do not believe in the grave as a final destination for our souls.

This has not changed. I know for a fact we are monadic souls on a will to power journey to be the best possible versions of ourselves, we can be. This is written on our soul’s unchangeable and irreplaceable eternal blueprint.

I believe Heaven & Hell reside within and by mastering our lower or ‘hellish’ nature, we will create a heavenly environment in, and around us.


I believe in the “Law of One”  which at the core, unites all creatures in creation, into a single energetic entity of divine oneness. I understand this Law to be all inclusive and that NO ONE is left out of it’s design.

The Universal Design is real and verifiable and we have the Math to prove it!

I believe it is through our unique individual perceptions, that divinity has an experience of itself.

I know I am but one limitless and eternal equation, in the infinite mathematical expression, some call god.


WARNING: This might bum ya out, before it boosts ya up~

This is for everyone who is struggling to survive right now. My intent is not to self glorify, but to use my experience as an example, to illustrate the REAL cost of following the Illuminati. It is meant to inspire and encourage those of you, who find yourself in the fires of refinement right now. Believe it or not, it is a fantastic sign!


Beyond the bullshit, superficial, made for TV marketing, about how the Illuminati has “changed my life forever”, there lies another story underneath that I would like to share with you.

Know that I absolutely mean it when I publicly declare that my life has changed in every way possible since I met them, because it has.


However it has come at a tremendous price for me, without ever once paying a fee, or offering a donation, to The Illuminati.  I wasn’t even scammed before finding them. So no losses there either. The cost was not a financial one per se, even though I have willingly and HaPpily paid for documents, dangles, and domains too, since I have known of them.

Actually, I payed a much greater price than most will understand, until they have properly paid the price for themselves. The cost is unique to everyone who participates. Although I wholeheartedly and enthusiastically encourage everyone to consider mentally, and emotionally, ‘funding’ it, regardless of how painful.

Let me explain before you panic…

This is the straight skinny, for those who are just getting started with The Illuminati and are thinking this thing is a complete, cake walk. It is important for folks to get the full flavor here, not just as a point of warning, but as a prelude to some wonderful inspiration to follow.

I think it is imperative folks understand what they are taking on here, because no one gave me a heads up. I had to find out the hard way. Those who have participated in other “loyal water buffalo” lodges, do not need to read any further. You got this. You guys already know the score. But for many of us, this whole entire gig is uncharted territory, and it is to those who are as ignorant as I was, that this is written. I am hoping to demystify the process, while underscoring the personal cost, validating what is happening to you, and verifying for certain, it is all truly worth it!

The first year is what I called the ‘courting period’. It was absolute magnificence in motion. I went from strength to strength effortlessly, as if by magic. We were still dating then, IAM and I. There was something familiar about them from the moment we met. I thought they were terrific, (although it did not stop me from doing a background check on them)! I needed time to research this group and determine whether I was being duped; again. I had so many doubts. I was not certain right away that they were “the one”, although something deep inside kept trying to convince me they were, despite their sometimes sketchy appearance.  Even though the doubts were often overwhelming for me at times, I still showed up, sharing their links, while anxiously waiting to learn more.

I started with them before the First Testament even came out, and there was certainly no jewelry in those early days. That came later in our ‘relationship’. Even so, it was all kinds of marvelous that first year. Illuminatiam was released, which I loved for so many reasons! It actually helped me make sense of my doubts. I would read it everytime I got sideways, to confirm doubting was normal and expected.

In real life, I was gifted a car, because a girlfriend didn’t like me riding my scooter anymore. I was gifted an eye procedure, to help with my ‘vision’. I got a terrific new job that I adored, which suited me perfectly. It was generally a GREAT year. Even the Illuminati sent me (and others) a red iron talisman, in recognition of our loyal marketing contributions to their movement. Heck, I was even called “Princess” directly by them and added to the Princess and Distinguished List, within the first few months of meeting them. Yep…there were all kinds of little wins, and wonders that first year. Far to many to recount.  Even with all my doubts, I was no doubt, falling in love with the mysterious Illuminati.

The whole movement, was a whirlwind of excitement for me. The dark waters that I had been swimming in personally, had been stirred by the sunshine that was casting it’s warm glow on the surface. While the fires within me had yet to be lit, the Illuminati was standing there with the matches, as I began drying out from the murky waters I had been residing in. I had become so stagnant and dreamless, I couldn’t even imagine where to go on vacation, had the funding appeared in the mail!

It would be fully accurate to say hope had returned, and things were definitely on the rise that very first year, after meeting The Illuminati. Reading Illuminatiam really got my mind moving again. Although I can’t explain how, exactly. It just did.

 I had been hiding out for years, and I knew it. It was literally as if, IAM found me. Not the other way around. So to merely say I am grateful to The Illuminati, is an colossal understatement. It rings hollow compared to how I feel about them.

Even with the afterglow, from a year of positive changes still upon me, I had not professed loyalty. I let the others do all that, with their instant unshakable, untouchable, Hail to the Light, declarations. I do not hand my loyalty out like candy. I reserve it for the precious few, that have actually earned it. Just as in real life, I am a slow sell, even if I am close to you.

It took me about a year and a half to move into a place, where I was able to feel anything akin, to permanent and dependable devotion. Although I was faithful during discovery, I was by no means ready to ‘marry’ these guys. I took the warning at the end of Illuminatiam VERY seriously, and was not yet willing to be “obedient” to a shadowy group, I could not see. I was concerned they could possibly be some kind of dark brightness, and not from the Light. So I needed more time and grade with them, to figure it out. Even though they had been showing up in a positive manner throughout my research into other interests, I was still unsure if THIS, was THAT historical group. I needed to be convinced (as humanly possible), before I signed on fully, and committed my mind, heart and soul, to this movement.

On or around the time I finally whispered I was loyal to them publicly, (a subtlety lost on most onlookers), but not on the IAM; a radical shift seemed to occur. My fiery decent into two (and counting) years of hell, began in earnest. It was almost as if, the Illuminati thought…loyal eh….?  Let’s see if you REALLY mean that, V.

The shift in my luck, started with a shit ton of loss. Specifically things were dying around me, in more ways that one. I had 4 dragons die on me, in the first 6 months of that period. I lost 2 long term girlfriends. One after 13 years for petty reasons, the other after 15 years, for differing penchants.

My 20 year marriage did not survive the Illuminati, nor did some of my more casual associations. The second year I watched helplessly from a far, as my mom had her stints replaced and her pacemaker upgraded.

I could not be there, when my baby bro had a pacemaker of his own installed, and was diagnosed with Down’s related Alzheimer’s and abruptly placed in foster care, at 52. I lost that fabulous job I was thriving in, when the company eliminated the position state wide. I was forced into a job I hated, just to survive, and faced unexpected harassment I believed was Illuminati related -which landed me in a unforeseen, no pay-time out, because well…why not?

I was in Hades.

And I needed time to cry, I guess. A lot.

Even though I landed a new job and was mysteriously paid, for my ‘non-paid leave’ (which kept me from drowning financially), my savings were completely drained as a result. As was the security I felt, knowing I had back up for a rainy day. I was truly at rock bottom. Or so I thought. Apparently, Hades has an elevator and many levels!

Then, the much anticipated Members Portal opened. What should have been, (and temporarily was), an exciting time in my Illuminati life, quickly descended into stress and grief, beyond my previous ability to fathom.

What fresh hell was this exactly?

Being singled out as the first Initiate in history to level up, and become “verified”, was a distinction not lost on me what-so-ever. Even if I did not understand it, I was so proud of that! It was truly the most important and incredible honor of my entire freaking lifetime!! Primarily because I already had an elementary understanding, of the historical significance of this secretive group, and I had at least an inkling, of what a rarefied honor it was, to be chosen out of almost a million followers.

I was not someone who came to the Illuminati via a hand gesture, on an album cover or a taco bell commercial. I had heard, read and seen the rumors, over the years, so I knew of them. But I did not really ‘know’ THEM. So I wasn’t about to judge without a lot more data. Since I had been the victim of unsubstantiated rumors as a teenager myself, (and even now) I just didn’t buy into the hysteria or hype.

I was actually quite content, thinking there was a hidden hand out there watching out for humanity. I never once thought to track them down. I actually did not think girls were allowed in the “Brotherhood”, anyway. So when I, (a gal) was singled out,  it was the biggest fucking deal EVER to me! It should be to every women out there, really. However, it was a move that clearly pissed off some Initiates right out of the gate, especially the men who erroneously still think of women, as possessions.

So what was truly a legendary and historical distinction, quickly became a horrifying ‘Mark of Cain’, so to speak.

I would quickly learn: A Crown is indeed, seated with thorns.

That is how it stays on your head, when the uninformed masses, seek to remove it from you, by force. What the King Makers do not tell you, is it also comes with a target. You are instantly hated by at least a 3rd of the people in your own community. A hate so full of vitriol, it absolutely drowns out any ego that might rear it’s ugly head, in a vain attempt to rock and rule, as a result of being crowned. The voices of dissent, indeed keep dictators at bay. Not that I was inclined to become one; anyway.

I now found myself hated by my Light “family”,  simply because of a blue check by my name. In time, via missteps of my own, I would give others a reason to hate me, as well.  All the things I was trying to accomplish to unite folks and help other Initiates, was lost on those who did not understand why I was chosen. They had zero compassion for my learning curve and that I was being developed into a leader, completely out loud and in a highly public venue.

I literally lost half of my hair volume during the first three months the Portal was open. My growing angst kept me from performing well in my new job, so I lived in constant fear I was going to lose it, and have to start looking for another one again. I couldn’t confide in my family, because they did not understand what I was going through, at all. Plus, the ancient emotional hairball I yakked up on my Mom (out of freaking nowhere) during a family vacation, did not help matters either. I assure you.

When I finally started making friendships with other initiates, I was elated! I finally had folks to talk to, that were on the same page I was on…or so I thought.

I honestly thought, those who wanted to be my friend were sincere, only to learn that social status, attracts those who want to be associated with IT, not the person who earned it. I also learned (the hard way) that folks who say they follow the Light, often have hidden agendas that are anything but, enlightened.

The words I struggled the most with, from The First Testament of the Illuminati, proved to be the shocking truth. TRUST NO ONE. Not fully.

I was getting a crash course in rational reality 101. My world view was taking a huge hit. The bubble of positivism I tried desperately to live in, had been popped, the remains of which, are still floating in the wind somewhere.

As hard as all of this was for me to take in, every bit of it has been designed to harden the armor around my gooey, soft-hearted, overly optimistic soul. I have developed true empathy for high profile folks, now that I have experienced infamy in the IAMFAM community myself. Regardless if you like what any given ‘celebrity’ represents, they have at least earned the right to be respected to some degree, in my opinion. One needs some serious balls, to stand out in our society. We are a tough crowd to WIN OVER!

So yeah…following the Illuminati will indeed change your life forever! However, it WILL cost ya…


This process will challenge every relationship you have, and every belief you hold dear. It will penetrate your soul in ways, you will not see coming -no matter how skilled you are at navigating life, before hand. The process will ask you to give things up, add things in, dig deeper and reach higher, than you ever thought you possible for you. This process will find your buried flaws through hidden cracks, and shine a Light on the deepest, darkest parts of you.

It is called initiation, Initiates. And it’s truly unbridled & beautiful hell!

Unfortunately, not all of us who have started the process, will make it through the character defining hardships, obstacles and roadblocks that have been set up to keep anything less than human excellence, from entering the halls of greatness.

I do not know, if I have what it takes to ever be a full ranking member. But I truly do not care anymore. I know that I have already been changed forever, in the most meaningful and everlasting ways. I know without a doubt, that I have become a better version of myself, which will serve me, well past the grave.

I have been burnt down, raised up and cast into the fires of refinement so many times in the last 2 .5 years, in many ways I am unrecognizable to myself. But I love this new and improved, sparkly version of V!

I have been literally set aflame, by the matches held by the Illuminati themselves. I mean, how cool it THAT?

It doesn’t matter if I ever see in the inside of this Pyramid, or the infamous White Room…I can clearly see the incredible changes on the inside of me, and I like em’. All of these growing pains, will indeed serve my soul, as I make my way through the rest of my life.

My eternal gratitude and loyalty, is not enough to repay The Illuminati, for allowing me the opportunity to be tested by them, regardless of the end result. It has been truly a privilege, I still cannot even believe, I am actually participating in!! Everyone needs to understand what an honor it is, just to apply!

This is a brilliant road and a breathless journey that anyone who wants to, is invited to travel. Although…This path is NOT for everyone. But what you gain as a result of the refinement process, is priceless.

So if you find yourself in hell. And life is coming at you six ways to Sunday, from every possible angle…When you think you can take no more and that you are drowning…PLEASE

keep swimming!

It is totally worth it, once you are out of the deep end of the pool.


There is pure, unfiltered sunshine, on the shores that beckon just ahead, my friends!! Know that your temporary hardships are merely indicators that you are actually on the right path, and that you are being groomed for something greater, dear Beacons~

PS: This will be updated with a Part 2 in the coming weeks, as I am still in initiation~


It’s Time~

Posted: September 1, 2018 in Change, Illuminatiam, Leadership, Unity
Tags: , ,


Dear Initiates of the Illuminati,

As many of you are aware, I have not been active on Council 22 since January, when Richard Scherer aka Papa Fred, took the helm. Although I was always available for consultation, while serving on the Apex Advisory Board.

Earlier this week, I resigned from all things c22/Apex to focus my full attention on iMARK and me. It’s time for me to move on. It was never my intention at inception, to volunteer in this capacity, indefinitely. 

This project, was never a throne built for my own glory, regardless of rumor. Rather it was a platform created to share the glaring spotlight that was placed on me, when the Members Portal opened, and I temporarily received distinctions, others did not.

c22 was always meant to be a living demonstration of unity, and what is possible when leaders from all walks of life, work together on a common goal. The  pyramid itself, was designed to be an example, of the ideals taught by IAM in the First Testament of the Illuminati. 

The current leadership, under the direction of Christine Ingraham aka Nikki Cee, is the best incarnation that I have witnessed since it’s inception, and because of this particular Capstone crew, which includes Brad Adams and Petros Regos, plus Papa leading Apex, I feel completely confident leaving this pyramid building project, in their capable hands. This current Capstone is truly exceptional, and will continue to serve their fellow Initiates, in the spirit in which Council 22 was inspired, created and maintained.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has volunteered to serve c22 past and present! No contribution by our members has been insignificant, and many have been remarkable examples for others to follow.

Thank you all, for your amazing support, encouragement guidance, and yes….vicious criticisms of me personally.  I am truly thankful for every voice that helped shape my leadership style. It was no easy task to be developed into a leader, in a such a public venue. But it serves as a lesson of it’s own, to the ever watchful.

A crown indeed, is seated with thorns!

Regardless of where my path takes me from here, I will always look back on this part of my journey, with pride of accomplishment and in thankful gratitude, for the often painful lessons learned along the way! It was one hell of a ride Yo’s~

HaPpy Trails #IAMfam!

iVy Taroc aka V~

Edit to add. Technically I was told I cannot leave Apex. However I can have an INACTIVE status, Hehe.

Thx Brad🕷


Posted: August 29, 2018 in Co-Creation, WORD!

What name do you call “God” in your own language?


Initiate Afaq Safdar asked an interesting question on Twitter this morning, and I simply could not give an answer in 140 characters or less. But it is a great question! So I thought I would take a little time here and answer it, for those who are curious enough to know my answer.

“God” does not have one personal name that I am aware of, although it goes by many. It is not a male, nor a female, but rather the perfect expression of both, even though it is neither, and neutral. Everything and nothing, all at once.

To call it The Great Spirit, The Most High or even The Grand Architect, would suffice. Although those are more akin to titles, than personal names. To call it The Light, is the most accurate and term that I have ever come across. The Illuminati brilliantly nailed it, with that one.

I do not dialog with this omnipresent, omniscient Source of ALL, directly. Although I used to think I could, and did so, for most of my life. I did it out of pure ignorance, back when I had ‘god in a box’, so to speak. My understanding was as limited, as the names I called it by.

After decades of pursuing this eternal omnipotence, I had to recalculate my fundamental ideas about who, or more precisely ‘what’ God actually is. Once I finally began to really understand what it is, was, and will always be. My relationship to it and with it, has changed somewhat.

When I arrived at the bottom line, I changed my line of thinking to the degree, that personalizing the Light, was not just limiting, it seemed rather demeaning in a way for me. Any name I had previously attached to it, was reductive, and not inclusive enough. A title verses a name, like the ones previously mentioned, would be more fitting, in my opinion. The Light not only works magnificently, it alludes to ‘gods’ true, incorruptible and eternal nature.


When I really need to talk to someone intimately connected to the Divine, and I am not screaming at IAM in front of my television, Hehe. I offer you this….

On occasion, I do use a ‘nickname’ that personalizes our infinite, and energetic creator, down to a level I can actually relate to -for the sake of conversation or consultation. So I call it “Oliver”. 

As in: ALL-OF-HER. 

It’s a name I chose that perfectly pays homage, to not just my individual soul’s higher expression, but it also honors the Light of creation that lies within me, as well. It makes it far easier for me as a human, to dialog with myself and that which created me, if I use a moniker.

I suspect that is why there are so many names for God, after all. Which is why I loved answering this question so much. I adore this subject more than any other.

Thx for asking Afaq! You inspired me~