Addiction: A Roadblock


A roadblock like no other…

plural noun: addictions
  1. the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
    “he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction”
    synonyms: dependency, dependence, habit, problem

Based on the meaning of the word alone, we all have them. Although the word addiction it is a more shameful option, when describing Dependency and Habit. The word itself draws its own line of demarcation, between healthy obsession, and unhealthy enslavement.

From favorite foods to fetishes, we as a species go full throttle on the things that we love the most. While many addictions are largely harmless,  like an obsession with rock hunting or stamp collecting, others can be down right dangerous to indulge in. Some have more dire impending  emotional, financial or physical consequences. All of which reveal something about ourselves.

This is not a subject I have to explain in depth to my brilliant audience of Beacons. We all know more than we care to, about the addictive nature of humans. Most of us have been touched by them in one form or another. Many of us have had our own to overcome. Myself included. It is worth noting, some addictions come from things that are literally designed to hook. Like cigarettes and crack, to name a couple. Yes, designer drugs are indeed engineered to hook you, if you have a proclivity for the sensation they provide. Having been hooked by design, does not necessarily mean you have an addictive personality in general, worthy of undue scrutiny. So don’t play that game with yourself. It only adds more shame. Regardless of type, addictions can be indicators that we are actually on a path towards greatness. Yes. Greatness.

Please allow me explain…

The ILLUMINATIAM: The First Testament of the Illuminati (see below) briefly touches on this highly sensitive subject with 3 fingers pressed deep into the soul, for those who have not overlooked the powerful message of this one paragraph. It implies without a doubt, addictions are a TEST, meant to filter out those who should not have access to true world-shaping power.

So we can fancy ourselves leaders all we want, and even be in leadership to some degree at our jobs.  However to be handed real power by The Illuminati, requires a deeper evaluation than we get from those retail or hotel chains we work for. Our ability to pass through a myriad of hardships that have been designed to test our resolve, are the true indicators of those who are ready to assume species-shaping power. Ultimately, we must prove we are capable of shepherding humanity, to those who watch out for us all.


So the question becomes, will you turn from the Light, when broken? How will you react, when you lose someone or something you love? Will you forget all you have learned and return to an addiction, when your heart is broken? Will you return to those ciggs or coke, when your body is no longer recognizable from quitting? Will you suspend your ethics and resort to criminal activity, to maintain your habits? Will you harm those you love, to feed your addiction to sensations? There is simply no way to know, until the situation arises. Following the Illuminati, pretty much guarantees you will face your demons, even if you believe you have already conquered them.

The reason I am casting additional Light on this subject and exploring it more deeply with you, is largely because far too many of our IAMfam, are needlessly suffering from unconquered addictions.  Addictions that will prevent further growth and opportunity, not just in this outreach, but in our lives overall. Many of you have shared your struggles with me, whiles others of you have obvious behaviors that point to a problem. It is because I identify with you that I am bringing this forward, for your serious evaluation and analysis. If the Illuminati states things including addictions are placed as roadblocks in our lives, we all need to pay close attention to that. There is much to glean from this together.

I have been following the Light with The Illuminati for four years now. I have openly shared my experiences with you guys as I have moved through the initiation process, in hopes it would help you, with yours. The longer I have been influenced by this enlightened organization, the more I have had to change my life, to adjust to the higher calling it represents. Following the Light is not an empty platitude. It isn’t something we preach without practicing. It is process of gritty, and often painful soul polishing that reflects on every aspect of our lives. It becomes a lifestyle that cannot be faked by parrots or mimics. Folks who talk but don’t walk, won’t survive this thing. It is absolutely not a path for victims, sissies, or shysters. Our words alone are not qualifiers of greatness. It must be demonstrated in the things we value and act upon that sets us apart from the herd.

Before I found IAM, I was not a stranger to victory. As my name implies, I have fought my whole life, to overcome hardship, addiction, loss and abuse, in an ongoing effort to become a better version of myself. It has literally taken decades for me to balance my own books, and clean my own closets. So please do not erroneously believe, you can get from where you are now, to where you want to be; immediately. Our lives are not a get rich overnight gig. Like fine wine, we are aged into wisdom, and seasoned into success.

I was alcohol free, for 6 years when I found and starting following the IAM. Conquering what for me, was an ugly habit…was not accomplished in one, sole made-for-tv attempt. I kept at it, even when my last run with booze was kicked off by someone else unintentionally, after 2 1/2 years of sobriety.  In fact, nothing I have ultimately given up, was done with ease.

I had to fight for it and through it, with passion & patience.

I hid everything in the bottle, including myself.  From my dreams to my drama, everything about me was drowning in vodka. Honestly, quitting was an indirect act of humanitarianism, when I was finally able to raise my personal vibration, as a result of climbing out of that vindictive bitch! Lol. It actually required something of me far beyond just being sober. I had to look long and hard at the reasons why I was hiding.

I personally believe this is why so many people statistically return to their own vomit, so to speak. They cannot stomach the intensity of ruthless self evaluation.  When the Light shines on the darkest places within, it is hard to look at what we have hidden in there. It is nauseating to finally see the shit we have been wallowing in. The years of accumulation and backlog is so overwhelming, most return to the safety of their addictions, rather than clean up their crap. Believe me, this is not a condemnation, I get it! It isn’t easy to balance the books of a life unchecked. It is grueling, painful and flat out embarrassing, to do so. It takes far more work, than popping a cork or a pill! But it is vastly worth the effort, I promise you that much.

I wish I could say that was my only unsavory habit. Unfortunately, it was not. I had two more under my wings where that one came from, and they needed to be addressed as soon as I was able muster the effort. I wouldn’t have even considered them a hindrance per se. Smoking stuff, is simply not on par with drinking spirits, in my mind, anyway. But for me, and my unique role in the Universal Design, they were.

Not long after finding the Illuminati, the internal nagging began again. That small still voice that was gently encouraging me to ‘knock it off’, eventually became an insistent scream that I could no longer ignore. I had to get clean of my dirty, dirty, low-down. Because I hate the forking head talk, otherwise. It gets obnoxious! It drives me crazy and it always gets it’s way in the end, anyway. Whoever calls my shots from the ether, is one persistent son of a bitch.

I am sure some of you know EXACTLY what I am referring to here. This is why I am talking to you about this.


This is a test of our resolve. Because no matter how bright we think we are shining while we are feeding our addictions, we are far dimmer than we will be, if we flee from them. It is a frequency thing. Our vibes are weighed down by the imbalance, I assure you.

So I gave up recreational grass on Independence Day. YEP, I sure did. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stuff, and absolutely see it’s medicinal value. However, my use of it went well beyond all that. My use was more far more robust than “recreational”.  It was a way to handle “my feelings”, and dial down my angst. I fully recognized that I needed to continue to learn how to handle these things without crutches. I needed to learn to navigate my own bullshit, without aid. Because god forbid, if Armageddon comes, I might have to actually help lead people! I can only imagine the kind of additional chaos that would ensue, if I had to deal with a broken supply chain too! Yikes. Can you imagine!? That would be a nightmare.

(Insert bugged eyed emoji here)

But seriously…As I see it, I am living a higher profile life now, and I do not want to give anyone any reason to discount my point of view, beyond the viewpoint itself.  While I do not speak FOR the Illuminati, I do speak ABOUT them, and I feel I must be the very best representative I can be. I see The Illuminati as being the best and the brightest minds this planet has to offer and I don’t imagine they are stoners, like I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, later in life, I will go there again, but not now. I am delaying gratification until I literally have nothing better to do, or need it for pain on my death bed. Or as a reward for a life finished strong.  The advice that really pushed me over the edge and encouraged me to leave this part of my life behind, did not come from the control freak some call a conscious that barks orders at me, it was this:


I have always been one to shy away from the masses, so with the move towards legalizing medical marijuana, came a knee-jerk pause in me. When IAM added this to “Illuminations”: Wisdom from the Planet’s Brightest Minds, the weed thing for me, immediately came to mind. I knew it was time to change my tune. So after a lot contemplation, I finally did on July 4th.  To say I was out of sorts for awhile as a result, is a colossal understatement. But man has my dream life been enhanced by the decision! I am still adapting new coping strategies and stress management skills, but I feel better knowing I flung another 9 inch nail monkey from my back.

But wait! There’s more!

I was barely finding my new emotional footing when I believe the IAM squeezed my cigarette dependency out of me also. I have no idea what the freakin hurry is, but good heavens,  here we are.

Following the lead of a client at work, I agreed to set a date to quit, not realizing it was only a week and a half away, when I made the commitment. I knew I needed to quit, not because I wanted to, but because I could no longer afford $9 a pack! Due to a faulty air conditioning system last summer, I was paying for an outrageous amount of electricity (thanks IAM) which led to having to choose between food or ciggs.

I chose cigarettes.

Yep. I did!

Until I could see how good Daniel looked, after just one month of not smoking, that is! It isn’t like he looked sickly or anything before, he just looked vastly more healthy within just 30 days of not using them. I wanted that. So with all things concerned, I agreed to ditch the stinky sticks and truly be left with nothing to calm my nerves. What a ridiculous move.

That was 2 1/2 months and 20 found pounds ago, and I have never felt better, or worse! I am still struggling to adjust in a body I do not recognize with a mind fully puffed up with accomplishment. I am relieved I am no longer a slave to smoke, and simultaneously burdened with the aftermath that 40 years of enslavement has taken on my body. I am pissy-pot-pie, proud as you can imagine and sad all at the same time. But I did it!! I crashed through two major roadblocks back to back just to show the Illuminati I mean fucking business and I am a gale force wind to be reckoned with! I have taken their words to heart,  and acted upon them, because I desperately want to go where they go. Even if I have to give up sugar now, to do so!!

So if you find yourself facing similar circumstance Beacons. It is a sign that you are on the right road, a path less traveled. Those damn roadblocks are there to strengthen us, not act as symbols of our surrender. I encourage you to slay the things that hold sway over you and enter into a life unhindered by addiction and it’s consequences. I invite you to join me as I continue to follow the Light and chase down those responsible for inspiring my ongoing spiritual, emotional, mental & physical renovation & enlightenment.

The Illuminati.

My enthusiastic loyalty to IAM, born of my ceaseless gratitude for their brilliant influence in my life, is the ultimate habit I have no intention or will, to break~