I have always felt different than others. Not that I was special or anything like that, but rather I always felt like the odd man out. Even as a kid, I did not buy into the majority rule. Not because I was consciously seeking to rebel, or be combative, but because a lot of what I was taught, did not seem logical.
Eventually, I unconsciously dummied myself down, in order to relate to others. This, coupled with a society that still did not expect much of women, made it easy for me not to apply myself further.
In order to cope with a deep feeling of separation from my fellow may, I turned to God. I reasoned, that God understood me, which brought me tremendous comfort. I was told that God actually loved me, so I was content with that for awhile. But over the years, and with my shifting sentiments about religion, I was unable to sustain that line of thinking. Especially because women were openly touted as “helpmates”, made from a rib bone & not equals
What started out as a message of love & acceptance turned psychologically monstrous, as it shifted into an under current of subligation & submission. I was decidedly not worthy after all, because I was not able to conform to their group think. Perhaps because, I was nothing like what the bible claimed a women should be.
I simply could not reconcile much of what was being spewed from the pulpit, with my own innate logic. What started out as a sanctuary to me, became a prison for my mind and I had to escape. Like I have said many times, I became willing to go to literal HELL, to find out more about this ‘intelligence’ that created this ‘zoo’.
Back and forth I went. In & out. Letting go of the programming was not an easy task. (A “program” I should add, I sought out for myself. My parents did not brainwash me religiously).
It took some doing, but I eventually broke free from the erroneous beliefs, based only on emotions, that enslaved me to the fantasy.
In the years that followed, I looked high & low for this so called, higher power. While I could always see the crystal thread running through all the ideologies I entertained…I never imagined that pulling at it, would unravel a path that would ask me to completely redefine who, or more precisely, what God is.
But I did. And I was only able to do so, by reason. Because let’s face it, There is absolutely nothing reasonable about a God that can create the universe, but somehow has a problem with an unclean woman, menstruating. Or a a divine entity that says do not kill, yet orders the rape pillage & mass genocide, of those who do not obey his commands.
Trust me when I say, love does NOT conquer all. Ignorance does. The gospel message of love is just a candy coating on a diabolical system of mental enslavement. It reduces humans to sheep, who chase the unseen, based on rumors of the dead. So yeah, need less to say -that did not work for me at all, in the long term.
Finally, after immense consideration & reflection, I have found what I was looking for. However most would be unable to handle the rigid and unbending truth of it. I was though, because it turned out to be so damn logical. An unwavering!
The true expression of God, does not resemble what we are taught in Sunday school , regardless of our religious, or spiritual inclinations. It has been hidden in plain sight, since before mankind ever walked the Earth. However, it is only through reason & logic, that we can access the greater truth of this divine design. While words like omnipresent & omniscient certainly apply, so do the words, cold & calculating.
While I would love to tell you what I have learned, it is far too complicated in it’s simplicity for most folks to understand, much less embrace. At the end of the day, you must discover these things for yourself. Although…I will provide you with the same clue I was “given” as a teenager. This instantaneous thought, would turn out to be invaluable. Because when I finally arrived at the bottom line, it was woven throughout the foundation.
“I am but one equation, in an infinite expression, some call “god”.
The truth does set you free. But it is quite alarming at first, for those who have not been properly prepared. That is why, these things take time to reveal themselves to us. Even if I wanted to, I could not get you from where you’re at right now, to my line of thinking in one post or pre-recorded talking points. It is so completely opposite of anything we’ve ever heard, that it’s very difficult to get our heads around it, even if it was handed to us on a silver platter. And quite frankly, most folks, would categorically reject it anyway, even though it has been proven, beyond any shadow of doubt.
I invite everyone reading this, to examine their belief system rationally. Be willing to explore the nagging voice within, that you have ignored. Allow these uncomfortable doubts, to gently guide you towards the harsh Light of reality & the unchanging nature of the Truth~
HaPpy Trails guys!!