When it “rains”, allow it to cleanse you~
The last two years and counting, have ripped me apart. I have dealt with every imaginable loss and some of the worst things, repeatedly. Following a magical year of fabulous, I should add. The contrast was a drag. It made everything slightly darker, than it likely would have been, had the preceding year been well, average.
I lost four dragons, two long term girlfriends, even longer term marriage & a beloved job I was thriving in, when the position was eliminated. I even had to job hunt twice, in the first year of living on my own. A highly stressful thing, for someone starting “over” again. Meanwhile, Bro got a pacemaker and was diagnosed with Downs related Alzheimers. Oh and mom had new stints & a new pacemaker too. All of it taking a toll on my health as well.
Yep. It was like that. Dreadful.
Never mind, the grief & financial hardship that goes with all of these things.
So yeah. Hades. Nasty place~
I have quite literally, gone through hell several times in 28 months. When I wasn’t directly in the flames, I was camped just outside and within reach. I have cried more tears during this season, than I have since my Dad died 15 years ago. How I kept showing up everyday for more, was often beyond me. Because I really did not feel like it. Whenever I thought I could absolutely take no more, to my surprise, I would.
(Insert maniacal laugh here)
Thankfully, there is a Light that is ceaseless. It dawns anew every morning. Regardless if you can’t see it during the darkest of nights. I found the strength to keep going from inside me. It came from the Light within, that kept whispering…
”KEEP GOING ANYWAY”.
Ordinarily, I would have reached out for a round of professional advice for this kind of crazy. However, the thought occurred to me, the Feds might 5150 me, if I did. So I used the time to hang black crepe and and dove further into the deep. I even coughed up a couple of ancient emotional hairballs. Basically because I was so thoroughly cracked open, I think everything I was trying to hold onto, flat out escaped! Even stuff I didn’t realize was still in there, was forced into the Light. It was horrific!
Gratefully, the intervals & intensity of my custom designed hardships, have finally slowed pace, so I could catch my breath. While I am still finding my footing on new territory. I marvel at the higher ground I have gained. I have so very much to be grateful for! I have passed through a wickedly steep learning curve, most would run from. Not only that, I managed to snatch up some sparkly treasures, as I climbed. I gots me some shiny new lessons that will come in handy, as I path UP.
Remember now -Hell has the best swag y’all!!
Even though I am still, just shy of level, I can clearly see the true beauty in the prolonged destructive forces of “nature”. Especially as they move into the valley, and away from me~
PS: Thx 🙏🏽 IAM