Disappointment is a built in part of our earth experience. It seems no matter how much we lower our expectations, we are bound to be disappointed by someone or something.
While all the best Guru’s will advise, to forgo expectation, it is simply not reasonable advice, for me personally.
Am I `to have no expectations, that the words of others, are congruent with their actions? Am I to have no expectation, that the traffic lights will perform as designed? Am I to have no expectation for the truth, when I ask you a question? That seems like a ridiculous assertion and it is not comforting to me, not even a little bit.
When I am disappointed, discouragement often accompanies her. The two seem to go hand in hand. One more crushing to my spirit, than the other.
Disappointment on her own, is not that difficult for me to manage. But when her evil twin comes riding up with her, the battle becomes exponentially more challenging. It is a struggle for me to keep bouncing back from the sadness and displeasure, of being constantly let down. So I knee jerk it and try not to have any expectations as suggested, but I am just not cool enough to pull that off.
I have feelings and denying them, seems counter-productive to their intended function. I do expect if you tell me something, you mean it. I do expect if we agree on something, there is follow through. I do expect, loyalty from those, who preach it to me. I do expect, that folks live by their own stated philosophy, to the best of their ability.
But alas…Disappointment thankfully passes quite quickly for me. Humans will be human. Myself included.
Unfortunately, I have gotten use to being let down. Which is a disappointment in and of itself. I simply do not engage as closely with others, as a way to prevent unnecessary grief in my life. Those I allow close to me, have no idea what an rarity it really is.
But it’s the lingering discouragement, that is the most difficult for me to kick. That one, is a strong armed bitch who’s best friend is Depression. Dealing with one, without evoking the other, is tricky business.
I find myself wondering why I am trying to be a good person and live with integrity, when it isn’t the norm. I can’t understand why I am compelled to be the best version of myself, when others seemingly have no awareness, of their own behavior. I feel like I am wasting my time and I should just throw down with the masses, and move like everyone else does. Why be set apart, when it doesn’t get you any further down the field, than the rest of the herd? This is where discouragement begins…In the simple observation, that the world is not user friendly for the likes of me. I feel a loss of confidence in myself, when I am always the odd man out. It robs my enthusiasm for interacting with others and cripples my own sense of self in the process.
Talk about a buzz kill!
It is such a drag to live in a society that values the things I do not. It is a monumental aggravation, to be exposed to so many people, who will readily lie to me, just to save face, or to avoid a difficult conversation, or even just for sport! It makes it hard for me to discern, who I can trust my soul with. It reminds me, just how alone I really am, and how I am the only one I can truly count on. And while I hate revisiting these kinds of feelings, it is a chance for me to remind myself, just how set apart I really am. But in a good way. Maybe it can be a chance for you to remind yourself too?
It is so easy to think there is something wrong with us, when in fact, it is the masses who have got it wrong. Integrity, honesty and loyalty, are virtues that actually matter. I am just trying to figure out where the rest of us are, that feel this way. I want to have those guys around the next time I feel disappointed. Then maybe they can help me chase off that dreaded discouragement, before she calls her bestie, depression~